Recently I was serving in a children's classroom and I began to realize that I have become even more tenderhearted in the past year and a half.
I have always loved children. I remember the first time I taught in a 2&3 year olds classroom. I just loved getting on their level. Squeezing them, giving them encouraging hugs, talking to them. I then moved on to a pre-school classroom, which was far more challenging, not because of the kids, but the size of the classroom. I think at one point I had 28 4-5 year olds in this program and an assistant who did NOT like children. Yeah, that was a picnic of a job. Working with all those kids with someone who didn't like to help, or assist, or enjoy the nuances of little ones. I remember at one point saying to her, no, you will not talk to them like that, you will NOT tattle to their parents they did not remain perfectly still during nap time, and YOU WILL NOT talk to me that way. On to teaching summer school with middle-schoolers, that was really fun, working in an autism program, my final resting place was with Kindergarteners teaching literacy skills. Really Lots Of Fun.
And, I mean that, from the bottom of my heart.
There were always at least 2 kids I wanted to bring home with me each year. Mostly boys. I would come home, I found another one, Carl. He would smile, I would tell him all about the newest child I thought would be perfect in our home. I think it is so awesome how you love these kids honey. My classroom when teaching K-Lit was particularly cold during the winter so I would bring in blankets and outgrown sweatshirts that belonged to the girls so the kids could put them on and wouldn't be cold. I not only wanted to impart knowledge to any and all of the students I got to teach in any given year or experience, but I wanted them to feel loved by me. I saw teaching as an opportunity to love those God put precariously in my path.
I feel that way about adults now. I have been given several opportunities for me to work with adults. And my heart is growing tender with these lovely people as well.
While serving in this preschool opportunity recently I realized that I am soft. My heart breaks so easily over little ones, I don't know if I could go back into the public school classroom.
I held one little guy because he was crying. His Mommy wasn't going to be gone long, an hour at the most, but it broke my heart to see his little face with tears streaming down wanting his Mommy and not feeling comfortable in his surroundings. I could not leave Daniel like that. I am making NO JUDGEMENT whatsoever on Mom here, I just thought, I could physically not bear to leave Daniel crying. I would say, just stay, as long as it takes, until your son is comfortable. It's okay. Don't feel like anyone is pushing you out the door, just help him feel comfortable.
I know the basic feeling and advice out there is flee the scene. Let the teachers/babysitters/grandma deal with it. By staying, you are making it WORSE! Being there for your crying child is making it WORSE.
REALLY?
I cannot see how that is possible. Being tiny, and with strangers, and not knowing where the person you love the most is? That is not WORSE?
See, I told you. My heart is just too soft. It breaks very easily now a days. I can thank Daniel for that. It had begun to seal over a bit due to the fact that my girls are older and teenagers. You can NOT be too thinned skinned or thin hearted and have teenagers is what I used to think.
But, the layer of sealant has been pulled back.
That protective layer, put their due to what I thought was necessary to make it through my day, has been dissolved in the past year and a half.
So, if you see me crying because your child is crying without you, don't worry.
I am having a moment of communion with a young soul.
And I am happy I am so soft.
To all the Tender Hearts out there,
You have a friend in me,
Julie
