DAY 100! This post was going to be sooooo different....until...

I have written every single day for 100 days. I had a well crafted post for tonight. Somewhat of a slam kind of post. Because I woke up hurt, angry, and sad. Do you ever get frustrated? Wondering what is taking so long? Annoyed because changes aren't happening? I felt impatient. I wanted to blame it on the Full Moon.

But, then my friend Aleyne Brown invited me to the movies.

I can not remember if I have ever gone to the movies with a girlfriend before. Crazy, huh? I have watched movies with my friend Valerie, and my sister in law, Jenny, but going to the movies? And I brought my daughter. It was lovely. And changed my whole attitude.

We went to "The Shack".

Excellent movie. Highly Recommend. Beyond Thought Provoking.

Here's my take away.

"I am so very fond of you, and I always have been.."...God says to the Main Character...
"I love you So Very Much."
When I am fond of someone I notice things about them. I notice their hair. I notice the sparkle in their eyes when they blow out their birthday cake. I hear happiness in their voice. I notice how they walk. I know their stance. I love their voice. The way they tell a joke. The way I prefer flat front pants on them as opposed to those old man pleated ones. What color makes their eyes stand out.
"I am fond of you...." if I can be so fond of those I love and notice all these things, how much more does God notice? Plenty more, lots more, enough more that the fondness never goes away, ever. Ahhhh....how lovingly kind....I am fond of YOU.

"I forgive you." I forgive you without you asking for it. I forgive you whether you think you deserve it or whether I think you deserve it. I FORGIVE YOU. If you are reading this, and you have done me wrong, or you have done my family wrong, I forgive you. Will you forgive me if I have done you wrong? I am asking, please forgive me. If you come to my house I will great you with a hug. I refuse to hold something against you. I want people well. As well as they can be.

What if we loved and forgave?

What if?

What if we stopped being judge and jury? What if we loved with abandon? What if we used wisdom, and prayed?" What IF we forgave? What if we got out of our sinking boat, took the creator's hand, took a risk, trusted, and walked. Hand in hand, in love and trust?

I want that kind of life. I will be trusting for that kind of life. I am going to notice and create more of that kind of life.

I have tears because the one message I would want anyone to have and be the last thing you hear from me is this...and is the message of this movie...

I LOVE YOU
I FORGIVE YOU
I PRAY FOR YOU
I wish things and hope things for you.
Please let that in. For even 5 minutes. Let it change you.

Thank you for joining me on this 100 days. Its been quite a journey. Thank you for reading, responding when you felt led to, and for being so supportive.

Until we meet again...
I love you.
That will never change.

Julie Erb Robbins

DAY 99.....now I've heard everything.....

I've been called a couple new names tonight...

Flipping Liberal
and
Posing as a Christian

In all my life did I ever think I would earn those two titles. Of course, one hurts more than the other, but I know my heart. And at the end of the day, I deal with all kinds of things that haunt me. As a person, as a parent, as a wife, as a friend.

Have I done any of it well?
Have I made 1 million mistakes?
Have I destroyed anyone's psyche?
Have I loved enough?
Have I been available enough?
Am I there when its important?
Have I been supportive enough of the above mentioned groups of people? (which means all of you!)

If I am a liberal because I love all people, accept all people right where they are at, don't try to change anyone, pray for everyone, listen to everyone, forgive everyone, be open to all, give to all people, adopt people into my home, don't expect others to think like me for me to love them and accept them, feed them, love people who hate me, then, I guess I am a Liberal...you know who else was a Liberal? JESUS. YUP, JESUS>>>> Jesus did not hang with the pharisees, his friends were the tax collectors. And these people all felt comfortable around Jesus...you know why? BECAUSE HE LOVED THEM>>>>>>

Jesus loves all people, all the time, and God knew we needed that kind of love in this dysfunctional world.
3 requirements of Jesus? Love God, Love people....greatest commandments...and Believe.

If you have stuff, let God help you with your stuff. You don't need me pointing out what is wrong with you. If you ask me, I will respond with all the love I know. I will not judge you. I will not condemn you. That  is NOT MY JOB....if that's a Liberal...well, that's me, I guess.

As far as the phony Christian comment goes,  that it between me and my Maker. I'll have a convo with God about that. I've got room for improvement. This beating myself up for every little thing has got to stop......the need to be right has been gone for a long time. I need to learn to let go and forgive myself. God already has a very long time ago. The stuff that haunts me, the things I question myself about at 2 a.m., that's got to go too...I need to give myself as much grace and mercy and forgiveness as I do others. OH, and by the way, it IS actually up to God how I am to change, and IF, or, be the same, as goes for you too.

Day 99 Man, Gal...
Who'd a thunk it.
I am one worn out gal...
Life is wearing me out.
But, I get up every single day.
Ready to Love.
Ready to Forgive.
Ready to see the Good.

God Bless you all.
You ARE ALL LOVED.

Julie Erb Robbins

Day 98...Gossip is Bad.

Make no mistake, when something good is about to happen or IS happening...there is always a gossip waiting to steal your joy with something negative.  Do NOT Engage...Do not listen...Do not give these gossips the time of day...

Some people simply cannot stand to see anyone happy. They lay in wait, looking for that opportunity to strike and be critical on a perfectly happy day. Its sad, but true. There are honestly more mean people, at times, in the world, it would seem than nice ones. So us nice people need to have a louder voice, with a bigger impact. My challenge to you? Stop gossiping and stop listening to it.

I am tired of  mouths that won't stop running.
I am tired of the nasty gossips who want to fill the world with their cruel words.
I am tired of the people who carry their stories.
I am tired of listening to it.

Whats that you say?

Whats that phrase?

If you can't say something nice don't say it at all!!

Many of you need to stop talking, texting, messaging, breathing. Until you can say something nice about everyone. EVERYONE.

Our goal in this house and as a family has been to love every single soul that has entered the Nest.

Every Single Soul.

How has that worked out for you?
Kind of has sucked at times, actually.
But we will never change who we are, still loving ALL people, and I mean ALL.

When you open your heart and home to people and let anyone in, you let everyone in.
 Not everyone appreciates a loving home or a loving family. They don't understand it because they are not accustomed to it. Sad, really. I told Carl this morning, my generation of parents are simply the worst. We read every book known to man on how to make our kids smart, but we left out a key component..KINDNESS! We did not teach our kids about God, we did not teach them how to serve others, and we made these selfish little sneaky creatures called children who grew into people who think the world owes them. We helicopter these people to the point they don't fart without permission. Or if they want to, they think up lies to fart so they don't have to admit to farting. Its a never ending contest... blah blah blah...my kids does...blah blah blah.  It makes me want to vomit. AND exactly what KIND of people have we produces?

Mean people.
Gossipy people.
People without caring have produced children without caring.
Critical people have created critical people.

Who love to gossip.

My kids were raised to love God and love others. Its a hurtful place, this world. Hurtful to participate in. Hurtful to watch. Just plain hurt filled. And I just want to hug everyone, and fix them a meal, and tell them what a truly awesome kid I believe them to be, and please let that in, and let that love blossom, so we can have more nice people, more loving people, who speak life and kind words to each other....

This adult is tired. I am claiming my house to be the negative free zone. I will not engage in gossip. I will praise others. I will find good things to say about others. I will do my best to always be kind to others. And those of you who won't? Please keep your dribble and gossip and unhelpful ways of communicating to yourself. It's not healthy. I don't want to hear about it, what so and so said about what and who...
No More. Please. Its tiresome. And boring. And not uplifting..AT ALL...

Two More Days....
2 more days....
Two...More....
Aren't you glad???hehehehe

I do love you, even if you are a gossip, but please just stop. We will both be happier.

Julie Erb Robbins

DAY 97.....Abuse and Love.

I met my husband 30 years ago on March 7, 1987. Most people know our story. I have written about it on this day at least 6 times each year because I think it is a cool story. We met in a dance club. We had been dancing with different people. I never asked anyone to dance, I was always asked to dance. There was a bit of pride in being asked. He saw me. He came over to the table I was sitting at with my girlfriends, Denise, Renee, and Jenny.  He kept asking me to dance. I remember after that first slow dance...the song that played was "Lady in Red"...I love the color red, and I remember thinking...I love this. I love dancing with him. He's so interesting. He's so good at conversation. He's so soooo......He had on a white button down shirt and Levis. He had a tan, blond hair, and blue eyes. I loved the color of his skin. His teeth were so white against his skin. He smelled good. He made me laugh....
This song though....so beautiful....Lady In Red....

Carl asked me out several days later. He came into my work and asked me to go see the movie Mannequin...such a bizarre movie. We tried watching it once, years later, and we looked at each other and said, we WERE intelligent people at the time....what the? I think we just wanted to sit next to each other.

Time progressed. We fell in love. We had a great summer together. We stayed at his family camp in August. We wish we had bought this camp in Milo when we had the chance. In the fall, I lived in Knox Hall, he lived at his fraternity, Delta Episolon, we were education majors. We worked. He came to church with me. He stayed in my dorm with me. I never stayed at the Frat House. Carl never wanted me there around all the drinking. It got a little crazy.

There were several times in that first year he thought of breaking up with me. We were so different. We were raised completely differently. He was a bit chaotic and wild. I was not. I'd had boyfriends, but nothing as serious as Carl. In every relationship you get into this season of frustration with the other person. The "honeymoon" period is over. You get to know each other pretty well, you develop dislikes for certain behaviors, you try to change the other person, you point out what is wrong with the other person, it can become routine. You argue a bit, or a lot, because you are so different. Just being male/female creates this HUGE gap of understanding. We knew each other pretty well, but not that well. There were plenty of things Carl was not sharing with me because he was not sure he could trust me. Not because I was untrustworthy, but when people have experienced certain things, they don't want to go around telling people, even though you know it isn't your fault, you still want to be private about things.

There's this scene in Good Will Hunting where Robin Williams is talking to Matt Damon, and he says over and over and over again until Matt Damon gets it...."Its not your fault..."  "Yeah, yeah, I know..." and he keeps saying it over and over again "Its not your fault.." until Matt Damon's character has this break down moment, and he's relinquished of the internal responsibility he feels.

I had no idea about Carl's childhood and I had been dating him a YEAR! I didn't even know he was adopted! I had met his mother. I had even made the comment, oh you look like Jean. The only thing I knew is he wasn't fond of going to Milo to visit. I did  not understand it because I was incessantly talking to or was with my mother  (I had my own issues...make no mistake)...

One night, after some other unforeseen things occurred, he decided to tell me about some things he had never told anyone. They were things about his childhood, things that he'd kept secret, things he decided at that moment, it was now or never, and then let her decide if she can handle all this...this mess....this chaos....this dysfunction.  Obviously, I handled it. I'm here. But, I made a choice to stay. Come hell or high water. Until the love that I had healed the inner wounded boy. I know that probably goes against every single blog post about relationships out there, and THANK GOD I read none of that sort of thing, nor knew anything about all the terms out there today. I simply decided to love. I was a naive 19 year old who dug her heels in for the long haul, no matter what, I'm here.

When you date the broken, and by the way, we are all broken. None of us misses out on brokenness. It either happens at the hands of our parents, a friend, grandparents, uncle, teacher, pastor, priest....I am so sure you can name someone. When you date the broken, it takes longer for them to know what healthy is. There are plenty of things I thought were fine, but were not. But, healthy relationships can blossom and grow from unhealthy environments.  It can happen. I decided it would happen, and Carl eventually joined me. I decided I did see the good. I loved that boy who was the first person to get me roses and cards. Not one did that for me. I loved that boy that saw me in my glasses, all ugly in the morning. I loved that boy who saw ME. I loved that boy who told me..I don't deserve you, but I love you. I loved him. I still do.

Be patient with the broken. Be love to the broken. Be there for the broken. In our due time, beauty came from the ashes. Joy came from the sorrow. A bright future came from the chaotic past.

It wasn't easy. It was so hard some days. But I prayed. All the time. I never gave up on him. And I had a great pastor at the time who gave good advice. I had an excellent mentor who gave wonderful advice. I had a Mom who prayed, every day...(Hmmmm...no wonder I do this, its my Legacy). I had a sister I told way too much too, and a select few friends who always believed in the good.
At one point, his faith was so challenged he left all forms of ministry. I supported him. The shoe has been on the other foot, and guess what? He has supported me in my journey...that's what you grow into...supporting and respecting each other person's journey. Being There in the process.

Carl and I were talking the other morning about how we are pretty much unrecognizable from where we started. Which is a good thing. We have grown up. We have matured. We have learned to accept each other and see the good. We have no expectations, or try to not have too many. We simply let each other be, and love each other where we are at. We have never adopted hard and fast roles. We do what is needed and necessary at the moment.  We are friends. We love being together. We like each other. We have grown to accept each other, and no changing the other person...Not Allowed.

I like where we are at. I still LOVE him. I like him. I would like him if her were not my husband. He has become a very nice man. He grew into a wonderful father. His children think he walks on water. I want it to always be that way. He came home with two funny mugs tonight about the necessity of coffee....for our 30 years of dating. Who knew we would both drink coffee in the morning together?

I would challenge you. If you are in the middle of difficult with someone...pray.  God can take care of so many things you can't. Timing is everything. Even if you only have a mustard seed of faith...pray. I can tell you I have seen miracles in this relationship. I had to trust God on so many occasions, and I am glad I did. I have perfected nothing. I am a daily work, and so is he.

I love you.
I love Carl Joseph Robbins the absolute most.
Happy 30th.

Julie Erb Robbins

ps...Carl, isn't that song so very awesome???????

I WAS having a good day...96 of 100

Did you ever have a good day that ended poorly? Well, its not over yet.

I was happy to make my daughter breakfast this morning. She is home only until Friday or Saturday. Her school only gives a week long break for "Spring Break". She loved her oatmeal made with almond milk, and today I put fresh raspberries on top, along with crushed pecans. She also loves peppermint tea, and orange juice. I put those in some pretty glasses and brought them all up to bed for her.

I went onto work, which is usually good. Today was okay. Some of the children were especially difficult and uncooperative. Full Moon? I have no idea. My last student really gave me a run for my money and I have to be honest. If someone doesn't want to work, or refuses to work, I feel like saying, "Okay, kid, there are plenty who do want to work...step aside...I have no patience for this and you are wasting my time..." I left there kind of feeling like the day ended on such a sour note, and that is so atypical, that it bothered me.

I went to my friend Valerie's house, where Elizabeth was visiting. My girls have always called Valerie
"ValVal" since they could talk. I am not sure why, its just their pet name for her. We had a nice visit. Elizabeth and I then went out to lunch together, which was wonderful! I took her to the bank and she FINALLY was able to get a working debit card!!!! No more going without eating while in Boston ever again...! A huge load off my mind.

I cuddled with my boy, I talked to husband, and then felt so exhausted. But, it had been a good day.

Then I read a text and watched something, and I was in the TOTAL DUMPS! It was like, oh my gosh. I was having a good day until I read that! SHESH. I told the person this, and they thought it was encouraging, and I am like UM NO>>>>>>>>>>  (all about perspective. and we each have a different one.)

OH, I LOVE THIS VIDEO>>>>> the visual message that plays out..."I had a bad day" by Daniel Powter.

And then I felt discouraged. defeated. deflated.
I know, dumb.
I had a  fairly good day. Not stellar, but good with the people I love...Elizabeth, Valerie, Carl, Daniel.

I started to think.....

I can't be the only one this happens to. So how can I change my immediate responses to something I don't like or read or hear or experience that wipes out all the good that has already happened?

Life Lesson here folks. Isn't there always?

There will always be something, someone, some situation, that you don't like, or are uncomfortable with, or some gossip that is told to you, or people being mean. ALWAYS....
So, what can I do?
Ignore it. Pray about it. Let it go. Don't ingest it like its prime rib when its basically a cheeseburger from McDonalds and will cause you to have a sick stomach. Don't accept it. Don't believe it...especially if its gossip. Remind yourself of all the good, and certainly, don't give it a second thought, or a third thought, or talk to a million and one girlfriends about it....(c'mon, you KNOW YOU DO THAT!)

So, I can still finish my day well. I can go downstairs, sit with my husband, talk to my daughter when she comes home, drink hot cocoa, and enjoy my last moments before these eyes shut permanently for the night.
(Or until I get woken up to pray at around 3 a.m.......like clockwork....)

I love you.
I'm on day 96 of this writing challenge!
Thank you so much for reading!!!

Julie Erb Robbins

My "Perfect" Sunday...day 95 of 100 WOW!

Have you ever had one of those days that ended so well you forgot all about the beginning?

That was my Sunday. I would say it was the Perfect Sunday, for many reasons I will tell you, but it certainly did not start out that way....

I fell last night over backwards while carrying a gingerale. I was try to get over a gate that prevents my dog access to the upstairs and livingroom in my house, and as I was climbing over the gate, my bathrobe got caught, I fell backwards, my gingerale went flying everywhere as I fell, and of course, I then had to clean up the mess.

I woke up this morning sore. I remember thinking, "Why am I so sore?...oh yeah, I fell last night."  In all my years I have never fallen. I have fallen twice on ice in one day in the past month, and now this...good grief. I got up and had coffee with Carl before he headed out to serve at church, and then Daniel and I proceeded to get ready. I received a text from my daughter in Boston saying her card had been denied, and she could not eat. I knew she needed to purchase a bus ticket home, so I texted her my information so she could take a UBER, and get the bus ticket, but she had no food. I did not realize she had not eaten since Friday, a full on meal, until I saw her post on facebook.

 I then went out to the van, that did not start, so I jump started it myself...quite a process. I then proceeded to church in Hampden. I told Elizabeth I was going to church and would be available at 11:30 to talk. I prayed that God would send her someone who cared to give her cash...thats all I could do. I'm in Maine, shes is Boston. The dorm cafe was closed.   Once I got to church, I decided I could not turn off my van because what if it did not start? So, I left it running...for an hour....  I left church to go to the grocery store. I needed to get some groceries.

I read an awesome text from Elizabeth when I got home from the grocery store. My Uber Angel Tommy, who drove her, gave her money to get food....thank You God for sending her someone who cared. He simply said he would want someone to do this for his daughter....Yes, I feel the same and would do the same.

The beginning of the day was a bit in shambles, but I did not let it stop me from doing the things I wanted to.

And then the awesome began.

My sister came for lunch with her daughter Kalie. Daniel loves his cousin so much. He says life is always more fun when she is around. She comes up with all kinds of ideas, Daniel says....ohboy...#keepaneyeonthosetwowhentheyareteenagers....
I broke my fast and ate a german chocolate cupcake with german chocolate frosting...made with total temptations in mind for me by my sister...LOL
My daughter Kristen and hubby Lucas and sweetest Rachel ever, came for an early dinner. I got to hear all about whats going on with them. Daniel made Rachel laugh and laugh and laugh....JOYOUS...
And then, last, but certainly not least, Elizabeth made it home. I gave her food. I made these really cool energy bites with agave, which she loved. I drew her a bath with epsom salts and a lovely fragranced body wash, purchased a new pair of pajamas to wear after said bath, topping off the night with hot cocoa made with almond milk.

I love my people. I love to serve and love on my people. Today was my perfect Sunday. I missed some of my people, but guess what? Today was about who was here to love on. I so miss my children. You have no idea. Sunday is the worst day for me sometimes. But today? Pure awesome because it has ended so well.

It got me thinking....

We all have days that start out awful. Something happens. A mean word is spoken. A disappointment happens. A car won't start. You are hours away and your kid has no food.

But, you still go to church.
You still invite people over.
You still make dinner.
You eat a cupcake.
You kiss a baby who is now walking, but gives you a hug and kiss before they wander away.
You get to run a tub for your girl.
You get to give pretty pajamas.
You make almond milk hot cocoa.
And somehow, that overwhelming day turns around and becomes "Perfect".

What's the key?
Believing there are good people in the world to help your daughter.
Keep making food when you are worried.
Open your home and your heart, every single day, NO MATTER WHAT!
Pamper people.
LOVE PEOPLE...ALL PEOPLE.

And you too, can have a perfect day, any day of the week.

I love you.
Happy Sunday.

Julie Erb Robbins