If Wishes were Horses, and Chariots could Fly?...Day 3 of 100 days Writing challenge.

I was asked often my senior year of high school what I wanted to do with my life. Where did I want to go to college, what career path did I see myself taking, where did I want to end up in life?
Can I tell you those are amazingly daunting questions for a 17 year old?

What was She like? What did She want? How did She envision herself in the future?

Let me explain She for a minute.
She laughed easily, and was overwhelmed quickly, making life a careful balancing act.
She enjoyed the company of many, but wanted the attention of one.
She obeyed well, kept the rules, never swore or lied,ever to her parents. When her father would say "Are you still my good girl?" she would answer "Yes!" assuming that it was her father's way of checking in on her relationship with the opposite sex, that it had not gotten too far. She listened to the stories of her friends in the locker rooms, and wondered why they seemed so carefree and She was so stressed about so many things. She was grounded in her faith, to the extent a 17 or 18 year old could be. She was a people pleaser, hating conflict of any kind, wanting those around her to like her and be happy with her. She LOVED to talk. She loved to laugh. She hated that she had such early curfews and none of her friends did. She never watched Saturday Night Live because it was on too late and she could not be tired for church. She tried not to feel guilty, and when she did, she made her way to the little church altar. She barely thought of her future, other than to say "I want to be happy, and to have a happy home."

He. What did He want? Who was He? He was charming. He was a great dancer. He was just a wee bit buzzed when He met She. He was feeling brave when He saw She, sitting with her friends that night. He thought She would say "NO", when He asked She to dance, He felt up for a challenge. She looked like a challenge. She looked like the "kind" that would say "NO". She said "Yes".  He was smart. He had overcome much, but had much to hide when He met She. She was so good, He was....questionable. He had learned to survive his life. He had been grateful for his intelligence, because you can be rich, but you can't buy smarts. He was poor. He was a foster child. DHS knew his name and address. He had to give up his education at MIT because his parents could not come up with $3000. He had tried to fill his life with his smarts, his self focused life, but then He met Her.

Love Changed Everything.

This photo demonstrates the love of a Father. When Love enters our heart for another all the doubts and fears slowly melt away. Did He ever fear the future? Of course. Did She fear the future? Of course. Did they have doubts that they could ever end up on the same page about anything? ALL THE TIME. We were so different, as you have read. We came from different worlds.

But, Love.

The Greatest of These is Love. 1 Corinthians 13 was read at our wedding on May 20,1989.
This photo is from our daughter Kristen's wedding to Lucas. 26 years after He and She met.
Lots of living happened between March 7, 1987 and July 11, 2014. Lots.

 If I have it all, can say it all, can see it all, own it all, but am alone and without Love, I am nothing. I am a clanging symbol that everyone will tire of....except
Except the One Who Truly Loves Me....
I can clamor on and on and on. And Love Listens.
I can fail, but Love Picks Me Up, and says "Try Again, I know you can Do It!"
I can lie, but Love Says, "I forgive you Please Trust Me with your Truth."
I can hide things, but Love Says," Please Tell Me, I promise, I will stay, don't be scared."

So, if She and He had One Wish? They would wish for Happiness and Love for their Brood.
But other wishes would include:
They would wish for Honesty to Find a Way, as it did for them.
They would wish for Open Hearts, as their became.

Love found a way in He and She. Love mended hurts they both had. Love filled a hole. Love of another person, someone who believed in them, created a healing. Love grew with Time. Time grew this love. Tragedy grew this Love. Trials grew this Love of He and She.

And if wishes were horses, and chariots could fly?

They would still choose each other.

Much Much Love to All.

Julie Erb Robbins

Can't Stop this feelin'...day 2 of 100 days of writing.

This song makes me smile. I could listen to this over and over and over again.

This is what life felt like for He and She when they met on the eve of March 7, 1987. He and She danced into the wee hours of the morning. She hoped he would call, as He had put her number in his data bank watch. So She waited, not so patiently.

He did not call.

Better than calling, He came into her work, the jewelry department of Service Merchandise. She remembers looking up, seeing him in his work attire, dress pants, dress shirt, skinny tie, blond hair, blue eyes, big smile. Hey, Julie. Hey, YOU! Do you want to go out to a movie with me on Tuesday night? UM YES! You beautiful beautiful boy. I will go absolutely anywhere with you, anywhere. Did I say anywhere? Yes, that IS what I was thinking. Ahhh, but really? Why is his name Carl, I mean he looks like a Steve, or a Dave, not a Carl. I mean, old men that look like leprecons are named Carl. He told me later he hated his name. I could have actually cared less what his name was.....LOL.

We went to the movie called "Manniquin". We tried watching it years later and we thought, that was possibly THE LAMEST movie of the '80's. I laughed all the way through the movie. WHY? I have no idea after trying to watch this lame movie. He remembers thinking, hmmmm, that laugh is "interesting", I don't know if I could listen to that for the rest of my life.  Now, he tells me its one of things he loves the most about me, hearing me laugh.

We did what most couples do. We spent every waking moment we could together. All my friends had gone off to college in other states. I had taken a year off, and was working, ready to start at UMaine in the fall. Carl was a math education major at UMaine in Orono. He was vice president of the student body. I remember him telling me, I would have never introduced anyone else to Chris Boothby, but I want to bring you up to the office to meet him. I remember meeting Chris and thinking, wow, he's cute too!!!  I began hanging out in the student government office, going to senate meetings, working, going to college as well. I lived in Knox Hall..ate in cafeteria. I loved the food. I loved Carl. Life was pretty good.

I met some really great friends in college. I am still friends with them to this day. Lynn Clark and Vicki Heath. Oh my goodness. I would flee to Lynn's room and she would make me tea. I was at a yard sale several summers ago and I saw an exact electric tea pot that Lynn used and I bought it. It works! I would also run to Vicki's place at University Park. She had twins and I just adored babies. I love these two women. They made dorm life bearable.

College is a time in your life that you question everything. Carl made me question everything. He was the first person I had ever spent time with that didn't really believe everything I spewed forth with all my Sunday School answers. He would say "Do you REALLY believe that?" or "Why do you believe that?" Never occurred to me until that point I needed a good answer other than well, because that's what I've always been taught and everyone I have hung out with thinks this way.... hahaha small bubble got burst in a hurry. Carl brought so much into my life. He opened my eyes. He opened my heart. He showed me a different world. He's always played devils advocate, he really should have been a lawyer. He loves math, but he can make a case for ANYTHING, and oppose or support ANYTHING, and you really don't know what he's really thinking. I still don't sometimes, and I've been with him 30 years. I used to get worried or think I had to change his mind, but now what I realize is there is room for so many more thoughts, feelings, realizations, rationalizations, beliefs, than I ever thought possible.
Carl Joseph Robbins....he changed my life like no one else could.

All for the better, in my opinion.

Love to you all,  But most of all to Carl.
Julie Erb Robbins
She is still trying to figure life out, but oh so happy doing it with this guy.

These 2. Day 1 of 100 days of writing.

These two. They met in a dance club on the eve of March 7, 1987. She was 18. He was 21. This picture was taken about 5 weeks after meeting each other while she celebrated her 19th birthday. What did I know about him? He was a frat boy. He was president of the senate at University of Maine in Orono. He had a campaign button that he gave me that said "Boothby~Robbins...Policy, not Promises." He worked at Standard Shoes in the Mall, hence why I immediately after meeting him went and got a waitressing job at Deering Ice Cream just around the corner from Standard Shoes so that I could potentially see him. (I wasn't going to chase him, I was going for subtle...). I stayed up into the wee hours talking to him about everything, or so I thought. Of course there were many things I did not know, but I liked him. He was engaging, funny, a great conversationalist, showered me with many compliments. He was the first male to ever get me roses. He gave me 1 dozen roses 2 weeks after we met and began dating. He taped them into the hatchback of my orange Pinto. What was it about me that this party boy liked? I have no idea. We existed on different planets. He quickly informed me I met ALL his expectations. I was flattered that I could meet all of someones expectations, especially someone as pretty as he was.
As you travel through this next 100 days with me you may hear my truths that are hard to accept, and you don't have to. You may get a new view of me that you simply did not know existed. But let me assure you, I am Julie Robbins, who was Julie Erb, who still is Julie Erb, just 30 years older with a different last name. But, Julie Robbins has lived just a little bit since that day of March 7, 1987. She has far more questions now, and had far more answers then. Julie Erb thought she had had her heart broken a million times by March 7, 1987, but Julie Robbins has lived through utter and complete brokenness that has created in her a compassion, understanding, empathy, and an extremely forgiving nature that knows no bounds.
You will hear  about many stories, antidotes, verses, songs, moments, people, children, places, jobs, adventures, I've had in the past almost 49 years of living on planet earth. I will do my best to make them enjoyable to read. I may try my hand at writing a fictional  short story. I've got plenty!
These two.
"I am confident of this very thing....God, who began a good work in {Carl and Julie}, will be faithful to complete it." Phil 1;6.
Between the beginning and the completing a work in us, in anybody, a whole lot of time passes. A whole lot of living happens. A whole lot of mistakes are made, unkind words spoken, life distracts from the beginning of a good work.
BUT being confident of this very thing....God is faithful.
Even when she and he were not faithful.
Even when she and he hurt each other.
Even when she and he strayed off the beaten path.
I believe this for all my kids. Because I know, from the beginning to the completion? A whole lot of living goes on.
Yeah for this 100 Day Writing Challenge.
Thank you so much for joining me!!!
Julie Erb Robbins

Beauty Pageant 101...its not what you think.

I just got back from my first beauty pageant. My daughter Elizabeth was a participant. It was her first time being involved in something of this nature. I learned just a couple things as a result of being an onlooker. I also realized how one could easily develop and adhere to stereotypes of females involved in beauty pageants. It gave me an opportunity to dispel my own preconceived notions and come away with new eyes.
Just a few things I learned that I think parallels life in a very seemingly ordinary ways.

1. It helps if you have people to cheer you on.
As I sat in the crowd I cheered for my daughter. I looked around and watched other parents do the same thing. They were waving ornate signs, had many people to scream and holler. There was even one boyfriend in the crowd hollering....that's my girlfriend...shes AWESOME... I LOVE YOU BABY. When I first heard him, I thought, how obnoxious, like, wow, pipe down, would you? But then I caught myself, WAIT A MINUTE! What a bold thing to do! Declare to THE WHOLE WORLD that I'M PROUD OF YOU and I will act like an idiot, screaming, shouting, cheering, and I don't care who hears me!!! I LOVE YOU!!! I'm proclaiming in a very loud manner my feelings for you!!!!! I'm not keeping you secret, I don't care who knows, I think you are awesome and dammit, I am proud to pay that $75 bucks per ticket to be here and I want the world to KNOW!!!

2. In life, class and poise go a very long way.
My gal has stage presence. She can walk that walk in heels. She was brave enough to dance in a cocktail dress, in heels, on stage, with other people she had never met. She rocked that dress. She then had to do a very poised walk in a bikini. I know what your thinking, showing off the skin, oh my. But honestly folks. Me thinks thou doest protest too much. She looked amazing. She walked with poise. She was classy in that black little number, and I could not have been prouder of her. Shes been very open recently about her struggles with an eating disorder. But she looked AMAZING. HEALTHY. BEAUTIFUL. CLASSY. It was one of those moments, when you know someone's struggle and you look at them and you think... YOU GO GIRL!!!!! You look great, and I know how hard its been for you to be proud of you and your body. She overcame a demon on that stage that night in that black bikini. She is strong. I just drank in her poise and grace as she walked that walk in front of a room full of at least 1000 people.  She owned her moment. It brought me to tears.

3. Life is about making the best of an outcome you don't like.
Of course, we all thought Elizabeth would just walk in and WIN this thing.... because, you know, we think she's amazing!!!! However, there were ladies much older than Elizabeth competing who knew all the pageant ropes. It helps to know the ropes. She got a pageant education this weekend. She now knows what to expect. She evaluated her performance, what she would do differently, and what it will take to make it into the top 10, top 5, runner up, and win the crown. Elizabeth is a quick study. She said as we left, I may not be happy about the outcome of tonight, I had hoped to place higher, however, I GOT TO DO IT. I qualified to be here, that's an honor. I got to meet and befriend some amazing women. I learned a lot about myself. I built my confidence. I comforted some of the girls who were truly devastated and hugged them and told them it would be alright, that this is simply a moment in life, that you are amazing all on your own, right now. AMAZING!!! Elizabeth was happy as she got into the van. Mom, I got to do this. It was such a good experience. I'm so glad I had this opportunity. She has grown so much, even in 3 days, so much.

4. Its nice to stand in line with people you know. aka: Do life with people who love and like you.
My sister in law, Jenny, was no stranger to how to be first in line at the pageant to get the best seats. She only would settle for first in line, so we got there HOURS before the pageant started on both days. Have you EVER stood in line for anything? Like HOURS UPON HOURS UPON HOURS??? If you haven't you have missed out on life... lol...because I got to stand in line for what seemed like 1000 hours. But guess what? I got to know Jon and Kelly Gaudet. I got to know Nick Gaudet better, he's marrying my niece, Faith, whom I got to talk to. I talked to Jenny, Annabelle, Dan. I love these people. I hope they still love me after being around me so much. I stayed up late Friday night with Abby, Faith, Elizabeth, Jenny, and I talking girl talk in a hotel room. Dreamy, steamy, sweet, funny, enlightening, girl talk. I found out things I did not know. I'm glad I'm doing life with people like this. I hung out in Jon and Kelly's room, and got to sit next to their son. He's a very nice young man. I like his parents. I was impressed they were there. Kelly's response, We are family, Julie, this is what family does. I was touched. I thought, who would stand in a line for me? THESE PEOPLE. These people stand in line with me every single day. Jenny stands in line with me every day when I know she's praying for all my crazy thoughts and dreams and hopes. Ask yourself....Who do I want standing in line for me? Hang on to those people. On second thought, you won't have to hang on to them, they will just show up and be willing to be there for you for 1000 hours, standing in the proverbial and literal line, without blinking an eye.

So, I learned a lot this weekend. I saw a lot this weekend. I have brand new experiences this weekend to which I can always relate to life to write about for your reading pleasure.

Who is standing in line for you? Who will SCREAM "I LOVE YOU" from the roof tops and not care who hears? Who is doing life with you? Who is there for you, NO MATTER WHAT? You have people like that in your life because YOU ARE that kind of person. You want those people? You be THAT PERSON.
Who screams, cheers, relishes the moments, comforts, loves deeply, honors, stands in heels for 1000 hours, shows up just because. Those people are THE PEOPLE.


I love my friends, I love my family, I love my friends like family. Everyone is my family.
Love from this Nest to yours.
Julie Robbins