Keeping My Sanity

You may think that people with a ready laugh and smile are easy going, don't have many troubles, are laid back, and in general, simply right with the world. I have a secret. I am all of those things, and none of those things, on any given day. I came to the conclusion on one of my many "wandering nights" that simply leaving my circumstances was not enough to make me feel better. I started to question everything. My faith, my marriage, my kids, my church, my friends. Why was I feeling so overwhelmed, sad, dissatisfied. There began my journey of discovering what keeping my sanity really looked like, so that I would not travel into the abyss of feeling sorry for myself.

My Sanity Journey looks like this.

There are certain threads through out this tapestry that are constant. One such Thread was added to my quilt called Julie, when I decided at the ripe age of 29 to investigate the Bible. Kristen was 1yr., and the church we attended had a Tuesday morning Bible study called Women of the Word. It was a video teaching series, with a heavy load of homework/Bible study, but I was ready, and I joined. This began a journey I have continued, now hosting Bible studies in my home, having met many many wonderful women. Love My Bible Studies. Saved my life.

Going to Church saved my life and my marriage. If you are struggling in your marriage, go to church. And don't go to church looking for perfect people, go to church looking for God, and it will take the focus off you and put it somewhere else. Can't tell you how many times I needed that to happen to keep my sanity for one more day.

My friends from Lamaze class kept my sanity. Beth, Aleyne, and Sue. All of which I am still friends with to this very day. Those Fridays at McDonalds play place kept me sane. Being with women of like mind, meaning, the liked their kids but acknowledged the struggle, yup, those women saved my life. Just knowing I could get together with them regularly, to talk, to drink coffee while our kids ran pell mell through McDonalds, and knowing we shared an underlying faith, even though it all looked different for each of us, worked. Love these gals.

Through out my journey to maintain my sanity, the seasons have changed, the needs have changed in our family, and I have had to change. What I value now, as opposed to what I valued 20 years ago may seem a bit different, but I have kept what works, using the wisdom God has grown in me to differentiate what is working and what simply was not anymore.

Having a Mary Kay business in the middle of nowhere. Best Job I Ever Had. Got me out of the house, caused me to spend some time on ME, (ie: showering, fixing my hair, putting on make up and some nice clothes, its okay to do that ladies, and still be called, Mom as your main role! for real!) and forced me into leaving my small world on 15 Third Street and getting to know others in the community. I learned all the social skills I would ever need for life in that one experience. God First, Family Second, Career Third. I challenge anyone that finds a home based business that has been around as long as Mary Kay who has always held these values. Having a home spa day with just my girls, or their friends, ahhhhhhhh keeping my sanity.

I made the choice to homeschool. Lasted 2 years at it. At first, I was all agog with it. I am a natural saleswoman. I can sell ANYTHING I am currently into, and make you want to do it to! I had a lot of steam when I started, oh man, it was obnoxious. I made some wonderful friends, joined a Friday group, that was wonderful, but it was the Monday thru Thursday that was killing me. I won't go into all the details, but suffice to say, my husband came home many a day and said, Just Put Them On The Bus, Julie. So, I put them on the bus one day, cried for 6 months every day when I left them at school, but I kept my sanity, and all was well(not perfect, but WELL) and that folks, was worth it to me to keep me sane.

I don't like clutter and messes, but, guess what, when you have a house full of people, and all their stuff, you have a mess times 10. I had to let go of thinking I needed order and cleanliness for my sanity, because if I did not, I would be mad all the time at everyone. I am the only one who cares. I have tried talking, threatening, loss of privleges, family meetings, blah blah blah. I don't need any more suggestions on how to get others to cooperate, I simply needed to lower my standards. No more perfection. I clean what I can, when I can. I love having people in my home, a real motivator to pick up and throw out stuff.

I love to decorate. A sanity keeper for me. I love to find deals at TJMaxx and decorate my home with them. I tried pintrest stuff, but I have a circle foam thing in my home 1/2 covered with orange yarn hoping to turn into something one day, but, ain't happening. Getting a deal, shopping, then decorating, that's how this girl keeps her sanity.

I used to crave oodles of time alone with my husband. He's a very nice man and I enjoy his company. And I still enjoy his company, his presence is part of what keeps me sane, but after the 3rd baby, returning home to one income again, our funds and time became  limited. We jokingly say, wow, in 2 years we would have made the home stretch for just you and me time, then we look at Daniel, and say, but, oh he's such a love and blessing. I had to let go of my dissatisfaction of our limited time and embrace what we have chosen, to have a family. To have children. To be engaged with them, in the short time they are with us, and to make that "our time". I still think it would fun to wisk him away for a weekend, and that will happen, in due time. Their time is "Our Time". Its what we have chosen for this season, so I have chosen to embrace this to keep my sanity.

I love to cook and bake. I had the idea, though, I had to do it every single night. This was robbing me of my sanity. You hear a lot about the family dinner table. And I love that idea. At our dinner table during the teen years especially, my girls would warn friends, we talk about gross stuff, awkward stuff, at the table, mostly sex and boys and bathroom stuff and politics and religion. yup, all while eating. and with boys present. Oh we are a party over here in the Robbins Nest. But, keeping my sanity does not involve making meals every night. I probably make 3 really good meals a week, and then we feast off them the rest of the week, heating them up in the microwave.  I love to bake. I probably bake more than I cook, but when it includes pumpkin, I'm like, hey a vegetable, folks, eat up. Those chocolate chips are an excellent mood boost, and this mamma needs a mood boost.

Becoming choosy who I spend my time with. I know, I know. Sounds like I am snob. But I am not. I love everyone. And I assume everyone loves me. However, this was robbing me of my sanity. I cannot be friends with everyone. I cannot engage with everyone I meet like I have known them for 30 years, because I haven't. Not everyone wants to be my friend or has the time to be my friend. EGADS. I simply just learned this about 5 years ago, I know, I am a socially late bloomer on some levels. I sat down and thought one day. My immediate family, my married into family, my church family, ie Bible Study ladies, my friends who will be waxing off the facial hairs in the nursing home friends, (they know who they are, AND you must all have friends like these, its very very important!) adopted family members, neighborhood friends, and friends from way back in the day who knew me when I was a total weirdo and legalistic fanatic, have to keep those around for laughs, well, you get the point. I was loosing my sanity trying to keep up with all these people. I had to learn to pick. It almost sounds mean, but I had to. I had to learn to differentiate and stop trying so hard with people who really didn't care, or value me. This has kept my sanity.

The one insane thing I am thinking and praying about is getting a puppy. You can all be praying for me that I do not become insane once again!

Love, from our nest to yours,
JulieRobbins  keeping it really sane, or at least trying.  ;)