Gotta Let Them Go.

This week has been a highly emotional one.

The time after our idylic April vacation and now are always something like a race to the finish. That last 6+ weeks left of school goes like a flash, and we narrowly escape the crazy. All of us are on edge by the end of finals week, AP testing, Paying for AP testing, a second SAT test taken, end of year parties, events, school trips, and grading, oh the grading.  And its certainly NOT over yet. I would say, honestly, August 9th will begin our summer, but I will not bore you with all the details that lead up to that.

Last year this time I was saying, oh, just get me to the other side of July 11th, and I will be fine. Not because I wanted to breeze through my eldest's wedding, but that the planning involved at times was overwhelming, but, I would do it again in a heartbeat. I feel blessed to be able to do it.

Just Gotta Let Go.

I cried several times this week.

It happened one night after simply the 5 us sat eating dinner together. Carl, myself, Kristen, Elizabeth, and Daniel. Even now as I write this, I have tears.  It went by fast. This dissemination of our Fab 5.  2 years ago, I had no idea how fast it would go to 6, and now 7, and now 8, as of November 20th, 2015!

I have held onto the idea that I have led my children, not told them what to do. I can actually HEAR my husband laughing. I call it proactive, he calls it bossy.  I have always been about giving choices. I have parented each of my children completely differently. The 2 things they all have in common is that they were birthed from my body, and breast fed forEVER. (slight exaggeration, but yah know. I am prone to a wee bit o' drama).

I have long held to the philosophy that my kids don't belong to me. They belong to God. God thought it was a good thing to bless me with them, and I have awaken each day desiring to do my best with God's help, and Carl's, to raise these 3. I even recently apologized to one of my daughters saying, I will say I'm sorry in advance, because I could be wrong about this, but this is what I am feeling led to tell you. And her response?  I could be wrong too, Mom, but we prayed, and agreed that we will ask for Grace to see us through our thoughts and actions.  Just doing our best at any given moment.

I have let my kids go.

I have also become less nervous with my son as I am mucho older, a bit tired, and not so sure that my constant "guidance" is actually necessary to create a wonderful human. Some how, despite my days of overwhelm with 2 babies, these girls turned into fine young ladies, able to grasp some pretty big spiritual concepts that only, like 5 years ago I delved into.  I was recently talking to my daughter who said to me, Mom, without God, I seriously could not have made it through this year. And went on to having this very real and raw conversation with me. I was honored. My other girl talked about her understanding of the Bible like a scholar to me, and I was simply amazed. This is not because Carl and I spend oodles of time discipling them in any way. Oh yes, we do loads of family stuff together, we do pray with them, on occasion, at the dinner table, etc, are always available to talk to, but its their journey, and I get to be included and I have made myself open and accepting to the raw of real conversing.

They have made their own decisions.

I don't feel the need to agree with all of them. Because I have learned, am learning,

 Gotta Let Them Go.

And, my kids are wonderful humans. No need to worry, EVER. (Did you hear that self? )

I have a good friend that will regularly remind me, Julie, what were you like at 17, 18, 21?  I think about that for a minute and realize, oh my, my kids are way better than I was, WAY BETTER. LOL  They have made so many good decisions that did not even cross my mind at those ages. I would like to think I played a small part, but

I had to let them Go.

It started around 4th grade I think. They started to pick what sports they wanted to do. They picked what instruments they wanted to play. They picked their friends. They picked what programs in school they wanted to participate in. They did their own homework. They packed their own backpacks and lunches. It had to begin some where.

As they went into middle school, they decided how hard they wanted to work, what grades mattered to them. And high school.  well, I can honestly say I have NEVER cked their grades on the school program. Never. That's their job. I cannot even barely tell you what classes they have taken, unless we have discussed it.  They have had to manage conflict with peers, teachers, and teammates. I have never once called a parent about anything. I stay OUT.

I have learned along the way to let go.

They chose when they wanted to date, who they wanted to date, when they wanted to marry.  They decided where they wanted to go for college and what their course of study will be. I am so excited to see where daughter #2 ends up in a year. I have an idea, but guess what? She's in charge of all that. Not me.

If you decide to raise independent children. I have a little advice.
They won't always think like you do. But don't worry about that.
They will not always do what you tell them. but don't worry about that either.
They may not make it home by curfew. You could worry a bit about that, but 15 mins late really is no biggie.
They will do things that turn your hair gray, and then you color it. and say, remember God? they belong to you. and I trust YOU more.

I can whole heartedly say I am proud of my kids. I am proud of the way they treat others. Proud of the way they love others. Proud of the way they have chosen to live their lives, despite, at times, my crazy that has entered the mix.

I have let them Go.

My last one will be going to Kindergarten in the fall. You may not want to see me at the school playground that day. It might get a little messy.......but, I Gotta Let this one go, TOO.

Love to One and all,
Love to Kristen, Elizabeth, and Daniel.
Love to Lucas and Nick
Love to my sweet little baby to be!!!  Coming soon on Nov 20th, or somewhere, there abouts. I will be ready and waiting with open arms.

XO,  Julie