Pretty VS Beautiful 100 Years Ago

Recently I was waiting for my daughter somewhere and an adult came up to my van who knew me from what I like to refer to as "100 Years Ago". She proceeded to tell me that her daughter had friended me on facebook, and as she looked through all our family pictures, the one thing that stuck out to her is she COULD NOT BELIEVE How Much Weight I had Gained. YUP! This was related to me from her Mom in front of my daughter, Elizabeth. I saw Elizabeth look at me. I am sure she was wondering HOW would her mother respond to such a comment.

Well, I didn't respond. I said nothing. I let the comment hang in the air. The woman began back peddling by saying things like, I told her you had a baby a year ago, I told her you were pregnant in some of those pics. Oh yes, it did not get better.
Now, any woman I know, and maybe some men, would be ready to kill somebody. Especially women. I know, I am stereotyping, but it is true. As a woman with now 3 kids, and someone who has always tried to look pretty, I was stunned. The wheels in my head began turning as I let the comment hang in the air.

Being Pretty was always a major focus for me. If you wanted a boy, You Must Be Pretty. If you wanted to get your way, You Must Be Charming, which is part of being pretty. If you wanted to get attention of any kind, You Must Be Pretty. One of the reasons I focused on this was I was a very homely child or, I should say, I believed I was a homely child.

Now, my Mom would disagree, but that is what us Moms would do.

I was taller than every one. I had acne before anyone did. And, quite frankly, anyone I knew did NOT have acne. I felt fat, because, being taller than everyone, you do weigh more. I had glasses, and they were not the pretty kind that is out their now. They were what my husband and I refer to as "coke bottles", meaning they just got thicker and thicker as the blindness progressed. (He was also an "ugly duckling". I think that was another thing that bonded us almost immediately upon meeting each other.)

We were NEVER COOL! And I do mean NEVER!

I remember standing in line in 4th grade to go to lunch. The girl behind me, and I still know her name, said, Julie, why is your butt so big. You know, you have a big butt. What do you say to that? Who's butt is big in 4th grade, try 9 months pregnant, but NOT 4th grade. I also remember several boys being merciless with the unkind comments. Was that you or my dog chasing the postman? That was probably the worst. I would be tormented on the bus by the older kids. Why is your sister so cute and YOU are SO UGLY? I am not exaggerating. So do you get the picture WHY I might be a wee bit focused on pretty?!

The summer proceeding my freshman year in high school I baby sat all summer long to earn $200 to buy contact lenses. My aunt paid me $40 a week to babysit her 2 kids. I was not entering high school without being pretty. Part of the plan was to get the contacts lenses, and I did. It was awesome!!! I remember the expression on the face of one of my best friends, Renee, when she saw me for the first time. I could tell she thought I was pretty. She was always pretty.

Isn't it interesting how our mind wanders from one comment between 2 people?

Fortunately for me, I can hear a comment like "Boy, you have gained a lot of weight!" and I do not return to that 14 year old girl searching for "Pretty". But, it reminds me of that girl, like yesterday. It brings a tear to my eye for that 4th grader. I know Elizabeth was waiting for me to go into a lengthy conversation about how inappropriate it is to say something like that, etc.
But I didn't.
Because, I began thinking of how I want my daughter to think about being beautiful.

Beautiful does not respond in silliness.

Beautiful knows it is silly to focus on weight.

Beautiful recognizes when someone says something they shouldn't, and
does not respond out of a chip on Beautiful's shoulder, because there is none.

Beautiful knows what pretty is looking for when she is looking at pictures.

Beautiful doesn't mind getting her picture taken, because she is with her family, of which she is blessed to have.

Pretty is worried about the hair, the make-up, the bumps, the lines. Beautiful knows they are all there for a reason.

So, that day,

Beautiful did not respond to Pretty.

I would say Beautiful is growing up.

To all my ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL friends, male and female.

Love, Julie