As I was laying in bed this a.m. one thought came to my mind. Everyone wants a piece of me. Good thing I am not skinny. But, for real. I didn't want to get up this morning. I was tired. It was only Wednesday. Can anyone else possibly relate? My shoulder/neck/back was in severe pain, and of course, I could not find the ibuprophen. I was wondering, how many more years of this feeling tired can I keep up?
Someone recently said to me they did not fit in anywhere. And then I thought about myself.
I don't really either.
I have 2 teenagers and a 22 month old baby. I have plenty of friends who have teens. I have plenty of friends who are my age with grown over 18 year old "adults" (if they will allow me to call their children that!;) ). I really had no friends with babies until 22 months ago. Actually, more like a year ago when I began my own Mommy group.
Yes, I began fishing for friends with babies, as I had none.
I had not been in the baby category in quite some time. (Oh, sorry Carolyn, you were my token friend with young children!;) ).
And then I realized why I am so tired.
I have a baby.
A now 22 month old baby. toddler. walker. loves the park, wants to be outside, even in the rain, boy.
This morning in bed I began to think.
What was I doing when Kristen was 22 months old? Well, I was 5 months pregnant with soon to be girl #2. I was enjoying my 3 other Mommy friends from Lamaze class, Aleyne, Sue, and Beth. We all had girls first, so it was really quite fun going to the play place at McDonald's in Old Town. I was going to a Tuesday a.m. Bible study in Bangor, traveling from Milo, then Howland, to attend this study. I was at home with Kristen, just moving into a home in Howland. Walking and hiking with her during the day. Getting together with friends, going to birthday parties of friends with kids, enjoying reading while Kristen had nap time, talking on the phone with other stay at home Moms while our kids slept.
And then I realized why I was so tired. It was like a lightning bolt hit me in the head.
I wasn't leading a Mommy's group so Daniel & I would have friends.
I wasn't leading 2 Bible studies a week.
I wasn't serving in children's ministries.
I wasn't teaching for Adult Literacy Volunteers.
I wasn't attending 2 events per week, either sporting or music for older children in the house.
I wasn't doing 20 loads of laundry a week, and what I mean by "doing" is washing & drying, and hoping it gets folded and put away.
I wasn't feeding 5 to 6 people nightly, full blown meals with dessert.
I wasn't trying to exercise to somehow save my fountain of youth.
I wasn't trying to counsel or mentor anyone.
I wasn't baking for the P.T.A. for sporting events.
and my husband was around, watching tv with me most nights and he did not seem to have as busy a schedule between work and church when Kristen was 22 months old.
Sigh.
At one point a couple of weeks ago my husband said to me, you know Julie. Your only "job" needs to be our home and the care you give to it and Daniel&girls.(and him, he never really thinks of himself). That can be enough.
Can it?
Will I have friends? Who will Daniel play with? Will he have only child syndrome if he is not "socialized" enough? What about a ministry? What about the fact I am a good teacher? I do have a lot to offer. I have experience in so many things. I want to encourage.
And then I began to realize that these were all things I did not give one little thought to 15 years ago. That girl/Mom was in a different place in her marriage, her spiritual development, in the amount of stress she thought she could handle. and SHE didn't think she was going to make it either on some days.
I am glad for growth. I am glad for opportunities. And I am glad for the ability to say no, I can't do that right now. I have a baby
and 2 teenagers.
I think I need to get some priorities in order. Slow down. Really evaluate what it is I need to be doing right now. I believe I am not the only Mom out there who has gotten caught up in the doing.
Deep breath little Robbin.
Deep breath Julie, Wife, Mom, Daughter, and Friend.
and while you are at it, take a nap occasionally.
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