Help Me...

I totally horrified both my daughters yesterday.
Why is so hilarious to me when I have horrified them with something I find outrageously funny?
I picked them up at school yesterday. I had made an agreement with Kristen to help her accrue more driving time she could drive to and from school each day. As I got into the passenger side of the van, her cross country coach gave ME the thumbs up. I love her coach.( I have decided one of my son in laws must have his personality.) Something struck me at that moment. As both the coaches were still looking at me and smiling, I put both hands on my side window and mouthed "Help Me!!!" They started laughing. I am laughing even now. What came over me? I have these random moments of humor that only I find funny. I seriously need moments like these to break up the insanity, the true nervousness I feel driving with a teenager. Both the girls were, MOM how could you do that? You are so weird! HOW inappropriate! and on and on and on down Broadway. I could not stop laughing. I just couldn't, which made it worse.

What they may not realize is I have had many moments of "HELP ME" since the moment of their conceptions.
Help me not to worry this one (pregnancy) won't last.
Help me to not loose it if there is no heartbeat.
Help me to endure this miscarriage, and yes, they do hurt.
Help me not to toss someone out the window.
Help me to make it until Daddy gets home so I can take off to Timberhouse and have a quiet dinner by myself.
Help me to pay these mounting bills.
Help Me to not want to leave.
Help me to deal with the craziness I call and love as my family.
Help me not to hate those who have abandoned me.
Help Me not to say the wrong things, and do anyway.
Help me to allow for independence, but know when to nurture.
Help me to get this meal done.
Help Me to clean this house.
Help me to make it to this soccer game, and I don't and I feel guilty.

Yes, Help Me Lord. I cannot possibly make it through this life without you. And on the days that I neglect being grateful for that which you have helped me with, Forgive me.

Forgive me kids when I embarrass you. Because I will continue to.
Forgive me kids when I cling too tightly, when I still want to kiss and hug and cuddle with you.
Forgive me kids when I miss something because I am unfocussed and selfish.
Forgive me when I say things I should not say, and know I will give you opportunity to live out of forgiveness and mercy and grace.

But, I love you. And No One on this Earth (besides Daddy) will love you as much as me. No One.
I care, I love, and You are totally All wanted. Always.
My nest is blessed by the craziness that all this parenting brings.

Love, to the 3 best kids ever,
Mommy