I know what I know. thats it.

I know what I know because I have experienced it.
Not because I read it in a book, or am trying to follow some far reaching role model in my life.
But because I think I know, because I trust my instincts.

I thought I knew some things, but I was very wrong. I felt I had been duped and deceived by people I had trusted, but they were not worthy of  my trust, and I had absolutely no idea, none. So I began to question my experience, my ability to discern truth from fiction, my "radar", my "mom sense". I wanted retribution. I wanted to make those involved to see how wrong they were. I did not want anyone getting away with anything that would cause someone else harm. What if others didn't know? What if the same thing happened to them and I stood by and said nothing. When is it considered gossip or letting someone know the skinny so they wont fall prey?

I said to my husband, while I was Praying, they were preying. How ironic is that???

Living in this world is a balancing act between

Love and hate.
Believing or Questioning.
Lying and Truth.
Let go or Hold On.
Intervene or Sit Back and Wait.
Throw in the Towel or Keep Fighting.
Character or Charm
Momentary "Magic" or Lifetime commitment.

As I was running around the track this morning, I said to God, where were you when.........? Did you not see????  Did you not know, I mean, you are God, right?  What are you trying to do to me? You know how deep my love is. I don't fake this life. I am not a con artist. I put it all out there. I love generously, and I feel as if you are showing me I don't have a clue.

And then I felt a nudging in my spirit, Read Psalm 139. go on, read it. I am not far away.
verse 2  you know when I sit and when I rise.
verse 3 you know when I go out and when I lie down
verse 4 before I speak a word, you know what I will say
verse 5 you hem me in, you go before and behind me
verse 7 I can't get away from your spirit
verse 16 All the days were ordained for me before one of them came to be. 

I did cry on the track. I had one more lap to go. I did the lap, crying. Crying because I hate the feelings of hurt. I hate being taken advantage of, but who doesn't? Who wants to sign up for intentional emotional pain from other humans?  Oh, that would be Jesus.

Thank you God for bringing your Words to Me. Reminding me you do see it all, even when I don't. And that I can Trust you know the End Game. You know the consequences. And I don't have to be the one to deal them out. My hope is my praying will lessen the preying. That healing will prevail, and blessings will continue in my own life as well as my family that you blessed me with.

Always humbled by this Beautiful Life,

Julie Kristen Robbins