Entry #16....I wept.

Psalm 56:8 promises that every tear we shed is noticed. That every tear will be redeemed, refurbished, and reborn into something so beautiful that we may even forget what led up to the beauty.  Tears captured in bottles. Noticed, noted, acknowledged, and used to grow something new.

I wept.

I had a recent conversation that brought me to tears. While I was having the conversation I was strong. I acknowledged. I understood. I cared. I loved.

But when it was over, the thoughts of the harm against someone I would give up my life for, brought me to tears.

I wept.

I asked God in my spirit heart..."WHERE WERE YOU??? the great Almighty of all things???
WHERE WERE YOU???" and in the stillness of my quiet tears I heard...

I weep too, Julie. I weep too.

And in my moment of anger, my moment of despair, my moments of wishing I could have protected, prevented, executed  a redemption of my very own making that would execute, that stillness in my soul responded..

I saw, I wept, I was broken in that moment too. I was there. Weeping for all involved. The wrong and the wronged. I WEPT. And, I've seen your heart. I've heard your prayers, and I want you to know...

"I have captured those tears in bottles and I will make things brand new." Psalm 56:8

There are plenty of things that are never spoken. There are moments that you are not warned about. And you walk through them alone, unable to give words to the anguish you feel as a person who has loved to the deepest level. I could not have read  a book, or a poem, or some guide to let me know how to respond to what was asked of me to walk through, support, feel betrayed by, at the absolute deepest level. Harm to one you love more than life. Betrayal you supported by opening your home to others. Loving without borders only to have those borders betrayed, destroyed, leaving them desolated.

"I will make all things new...."

Psalm 56:8

I promise. I absolutely promise. I will hold you up. I will take care of it all. As this mother holds her baby, I hold my children in my heart too....xxx, God.

There are things in life we cannot control, in fact, most of life, we cannot control. At All. And that is the hard part. The other hard part is thinking there is something you could have done to prevent harm. You retrace every step, every conversation, every moment, every betrayal. Why didn't I see???

I weep still. I wept last night.

But, but....the difference is now...I stop weeping. I close my eyes and I think about what does bring me joy. I think about the happy moments that have occurred, that are going to occur, that are MEANT to occur to ERASE the bad. The moments that happen to redeem the awful. Redeem, renew, re-fill the beauty back.

This season is about redemption. The redemptive and healing nature of the creator. The creator of all that is beautiful and happy and joy filled.

I'm moving into joy. I'm looking forward to the redemptive nature of God who weeps and redeems.

I love you.
Joy does come in the morning.

all my love to you,
Julie