Ewwww. Death. How gruesome. How can you say you have "died" and you are still walking and breathing? Proverbial, baby, proverbial.
When I was 19 I was hot to trot. Yes, I WAS. VERY, if I do say so myself. I wore the curly longish hair quite well. Those sparkling blue eyes, and the Brooke Sheilds eyebrows. If you are so young you don't know who Brooke Sheilds is, I feel bad for you. She was the fashion icon of the day, and I tried to emulate her.
When I was 21 I got married, and the first death occurred. (I loved the man I married the best, however......)
The death of the single lady who loved male attention. Now, this was probably the hardest death by far. I loved men. Let me rephrase that, I loved male attention. Could not get enough. It filled my Daddy hole like nothing else. It was what made me smile. I was charming. I was a flirt. I had a very dear former bf say to me, why would you marry him when you have known me your whole life? What were you thinking? I be thinking he paid attention to me and asked me friend, thats what I be thinkin'. But, the flirt had to die. I would LOVE to tell you that happened the instant I said "I do", but I would be lying. I would like to tell you it happened by the end of the first year of my marriage, but, again, I would be lying. I am proof that no one is 100% faithful, ever. Fortunately, in the midst of this death, my husband loved me so much, and that single lady has been put to rest.
The second death occurred on 10/10/95. The lady who was married without children died. She became a Mother, and said husband, became a Father. They both died, and became new people on this day. The first year after this beautiful, wonderful blessing was filled with all sorts of death. Death of an income. Death of a house, (we moved into an apartment to shave costs), Death of the familiar, (We moved to Milo Maine, East of Nowhere, just north of why the heck would ANYONE in their right mind want to live there) Death of 2 very selfish people who had done their own thing for 9 years.
The third death occurred on 11/26/97. The Mother with only 1 child died, and became the Mother of 2. A Whole Different Story. I remember bring #2 home, laying her in her bassinet upstairs in our very tiny house, and hearing through the grate in the kitchen that led the bedroom, a mewing sound. Almost like a kitten. I thought, that sounds weird. I went upstairs to find Girl #1 had jumped from the bed, into the bassinet and was riding Baby #2 like a horse. Death of being an only for Girl #1. Her mother, who had worshiped the ground she had walked on, picked her up and tossed onto the bed and told #1, in a screaming voice, unlike she had never heard, "LEAVE HER (#2) ALONE!". Don't ever underestimate the change a second child will bring into your home. If you do, you are a bigger fool than I was. I never knew about "dying". I never considered what a change it would be.
(For those of you who don't like the word "dying" or "death" think of the words "letting go of".)
The 4th death occurred on 6/30/10. We were no longer a family of 4. We all had to die. Again, the death of an income. The death of music lessons. The death of going out to eat at the drop of a hat. The death of our trip to Florida that year. The death of self, thinking we could do all, spend all, be all, go everywhere without a thought, thinking we somehow had control of it all. All Gone. All Dead. I remember one morning as I was getting ready to go to work, I began to cry. Carl said, whats up? What have I done in my selfishness to want more? want another baby? Our life is over as we know it. Have I asked too much of everyone? Too much accepting of my longing? My selfishness for more? What have I asked everyone else to give up??? As only Carl can do, he hugged me. Assured me this will be the best yet. The best is yet to come. Its okay. It really is okay. His assurance and encouraging spirit in the midst of my insanity of emotion is our glue.
There are more "deaths" that will be happening, but I choose not to focus on them. Because, I don't want to see dead people. I don't want to predict anything. I want to see the here and now. I want to embrace the letting go that has happened. It makes me healthy. It makes me realize that with each new death, a new season of growth has occurred.
It takes winter to bring us spring.
It takes darkness to help us see the stars.
It takes the dusk to bring us the morning sun.
I had a friend once say to me Chaos always proceeded much needed changes in his life. I have thought about that often. At times these "deaths" seemed unbearable. I am not that strong I would say. Oh Yes You Are. I would hear. I made you. I preordained your days. I know your coming and going. Your beginning and your end. You Can do it and You Will.
Living in the here. Not trying to bring the past back to life. Its gone.
The daily renewed Julie is here.
Living out her days and realizing how miraculous it all Can Be.
The sooner I accepted these "deaths" the quicker I began to grow. Spring came quicker. The sun feels warmer. The leaves on the trees are brighter as I hike through the woods as a result of "death #4". Oh so many good things happen when we let things go, and live in the here.
So Many Good & Perfect & Right Things.
Blessed by the Letting Go.
Love to all from me!
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Help Me...
I totally horrified both my daughters yesterday.
Why is so hilarious to me when I have horrified them with something I find outrageously funny?
I picked them up at school yesterday. I had made an agreement with Kristen to help her accrue more driving time she could drive to and from school each day. As I got into the passenger side of the van, her cross country coach gave ME the thumbs up. I love her coach.( I have decided one of my son in laws must have his personality.) Something struck me at that moment. As both the coaches were still looking at me and smiling, I put both hands on my side window and mouthed "Help Me!!!" They started laughing. I am laughing even now. What came over me? I have these random moments of humor that only I find funny. I seriously need moments like these to break up the insanity, the true nervousness I feel driving with a teenager. Both the girls were, MOM how could you do that? You are so weird! HOW inappropriate! and on and on and on down Broadway. I could not stop laughing. I just couldn't, which made it worse.
What they may not realize is I have had many moments of "HELP ME" since the moment of their conceptions.
Help me not to worry this one (pregnancy) won't last.
Help me to not loose it if there is no heartbeat.
Help me to endure this miscarriage, and yes, they do hurt.
Help me not to toss someone out the window.
Help me to make it until Daddy gets home so I can take off to Timberhouse and have a quiet dinner by myself.
Help me to pay these mounting bills.
Help Me to not want to leave.
Help me to deal with the craziness I call and love as my family.
Help me not to hate those who have abandoned me.
Help Me not to say the wrong things, and do anyway.
Help me to allow for independence, but know when to nurture.
Help me to get this meal done.
Help Me to clean this house.
Help me to make it to this soccer game, and I don't and I feel guilty.
Yes, Help Me Lord. I cannot possibly make it through this life without you. And on the days that I neglect being grateful for that which you have helped me with, Forgive me.
Forgive me kids when I embarrass you. Because I will continue to.
Forgive me kids when I cling too tightly, when I still want to kiss and hug and cuddle with you.
Forgive me kids when I miss something because I am unfocussed and selfish.
Forgive me when I say things I should not say, and know I will give you opportunity to live out of forgiveness and mercy and grace.
But, I love you. And No One on this Earth (besides Daddy) will love you as much as me. No One.
I care, I love, and You are totally All wanted. Always.
My nest is blessed by the craziness that all this parenting brings.
Love, to the 3 best kids ever,
Mommy
Why is so hilarious to me when I have horrified them with something I find outrageously funny?
I picked them up at school yesterday. I had made an agreement with Kristen to help her accrue more driving time she could drive to and from school each day. As I got into the passenger side of the van, her cross country coach gave ME the thumbs up. I love her coach.( I have decided one of my son in laws must have his personality.) Something struck me at that moment. As both the coaches were still looking at me and smiling, I put both hands on my side window and mouthed "Help Me!!!" They started laughing. I am laughing even now. What came over me? I have these random moments of humor that only I find funny. I seriously need moments like these to break up the insanity, the true nervousness I feel driving with a teenager. Both the girls were, MOM how could you do that? You are so weird! HOW inappropriate! and on and on and on down Broadway. I could not stop laughing. I just couldn't, which made it worse.
What they may not realize is I have had many moments of "HELP ME" since the moment of their conceptions.
Help me not to worry this one (pregnancy) won't last.
Help me to not loose it if there is no heartbeat.
Help me to endure this miscarriage, and yes, they do hurt.
Help me not to toss someone out the window.
Help me to make it until Daddy gets home so I can take off to Timberhouse and have a quiet dinner by myself.
Help me to pay these mounting bills.
Help Me to not want to leave.
Help me to deal with the craziness I call and love as my family.
Help me not to hate those who have abandoned me.
Help Me not to say the wrong things, and do anyway.
Help me to allow for independence, but know when to nurture.
Help me to get this meal done.
Help Me to clean this house.
Help me to make it to this soccer game, and I don't and I feel guilty.
Yes, Help Me Lord. I cannot possibly make it through this life without you. And on the days that I neglect being grateful for that which you have helped me with, Forgive me.
Forgive me kids when I embarrass you. Because I will continue to.
Forgive me kids when I cling too tightly, when I still want to kiss and hug and cuddle with you.
Forgive me kids when I miss something because I am unfocussed and selfish.
Forgive me when I say things I should not say, and know I will give you opportunity to live out of forgiveness and mercy and grace.
But, I love you. And No One on this Earth (besides Daddy) will love you as much as me. No One.
I care, I love, and You are totally All wanted. Always.
My nest is blessed by the craziness that all this parenting brings.
Love, to the 3 best kids ever,
Mommy
Tuesday, August 28, 2012
I am still an Approval Seeker.
I am one of these women who hoped with age my need for others approval would have diminished.
I thought, I do what I want, I hold the convictions I hold because I believe they are true, I make choices based on experience, what has worked for me and what hasn't.
I felt at age 44 I am quite an evolved person.
Sigh.
Why is it I need constant humbling and reminding that oh yes, I still have this need to master.
I went to my yearly physical. I woke up dreading it. Not for the usual reasons you may think women don't like their yearly physical, like the intrusive nature of the physical, for instance. I woke up dreading it because I did not want to get on the scale. That weight. That horrible reminder to myself, in a number, that I am not what I used to be. That I can barely maintain what I am. That I am "loosing the battle".
That Number.
I was hoping that from Bangor to Brewer I might loose 25 pounds somewhere. Nope, didn't happen.
So, as I sit there and the doctor comes in, we begin what I call "the warm chatter" before we get really friendly. And she asks me, Is there anything You want to talk about?
I sigh. I hate the fact I am so shallow.
I really hate that number on the scale. I really do. I am exercising. I told her all about my 3 mile running. I tell her I don't eat snacks, I dont eat after 6 p.m. I don't. And still...I am loosing this battle.
She asks me, is the baby sleeping all night?
Sheepishly I say no. He still wakes up. I go into this long explaination about how we did not want to do the Ferber method again, we hate to let him cry, we are just too sensative. I simply go to him, nurse him, he never wakes up, I know, bad mommy. She says when I am done my dialogue, Julie, I am in no way asking this question to judge you. I just want you to know that interupted sleep disturbs your oxy-something levels,(all I remember of the name) which would acct. for your lack of weight loss. OHHHH, I said. Its perfectly fine what you are doing.
You are nursing? Yes, I know, I am a hippie Mom. I have thought about weaning him, and have let nature take its course, sometimes he does, sometimes he goes all day. But he loves it, and I love it, and I love nursing an older baby. He will say, Mamma, dee, dee chair. He calls it "Dee", or "Dee, dinosaur bed, and he is so cute about it, and I love how I can actual tell how much he loves it. That sounds absolutely sweet, Julie, and I would not say no to him either. Again, I am not asking to make a judgement against you.
Are you getting the picture? Dr. Eyere sure was. And so did I. I was assuming she was passing judgement AGAINST what I was doing. I felt the need to explain myself, and I rambled on and on and on. And finally she said,
Julie. Now is Not The Time to be worrying about your weight. Absolutely Not The Time.
Now Is Not The Time.
Now
Is
Not
The
Time.
Not the time to worry? About? Anything I had just talked about. I was free.
Just Enjoy The Time.
I almost burst into tears right then and there. If I had known her any better, I would have. She had struck a nerve. A very raw one, several, actually.
Here I was trying to convince a doctor of my choices. Like I needed to win her over to my team or something. Team Get Up at Night, or Team Breastfeeding Older Children. Why did I want to win her over? I will tell you why. My own need for approval. If a doctor thought it was okay, it must be okay. Was it not enough that I was okay with it? Apparently not that day, or any other day, for that matter.
I also realized, as long as I want others approval, I will never be complete with my own choices.
I will never experience true peace if I am always looking to others to make me peaceful.
I drove away from that appointment wanting to cry more.
What had I been doing??? In my quest for approval. Doing things that didn't need to be done. Going places I didn't need to go. Being with people I don't need to be with? Saying things I don't need to say?
Perhaps all of that is true.
Perhaps I needed yesterday to remind me once again that it is okay to be wrong in everyone else's eyes, if I am at peace in my own.
My Own Mother Eyes that God gave specifically to me.
Much Love to all the Ladies in my Life Who Know and Do Enjoy The Time.
XO, Julie
I thought, I do what I want, I hold the convictions I hold because I believe they are true, I make choices based on experience, what has worked for me and what hasn't.
I felt at age 44 I am quite an evolved person.
Sigh.
Why is it I need constant humbling and reminding that oh yes, I still have this need to master.
I went to my yearly physical. I woke up dreading it. Not for the usual reasons you may think women don't like their yearly physical, like the intrusive nature of the physical, for instance. I woke up dreading it because I did not want to get on the scale. That weight. That horrible reminder to myself, in a number, that I am not what I used to be. That I can barely maintain what I am. That I am "loosing the battle".
That Number.
I was hoping that from Bangor to Brewer I might loose 25 pounds somewhere. Nope, didn't happen.
So, as I sit there and the doctor comes in, we begin what I call "the warm chatter" before we get really friendly. And she asks me, Is there anything You want to talk about?
I sigh. I hate the fact I am so shallow.
I really hate that number on the scale. I really do. I am exercising. I told her all about my 3 mile running. I tell her I don't eat snacks, I dont eat after 6 p.m. I don't. And still...I am loosing this battle.
She asks me, is the baby sleeping all night?
Sheepishly I say no. He still wakes up. I go into this long explaination about how we did not want to do the Ferber method again, we hate to let him cry, we are just too sensative. I simply go to him, nurse him, he never wakes up, I know, bad mommy. She says when I am done my dialogue, Julie, I am in no way asking this question to judge you. I just want you to know that interupted sleep disturbs your oxy-something levels,(all I remember of the name) which would acct. for your lack of weight loss. OHHHH, I said. Its perfectly fine what you are doing.
You are nursing? Yes, I know, I am a hippie Mom. I have thought about weaning him, and have let nature take its course, sometimes he does, sometimes he goes all day. But he loves it, and I love it, and I love nursing an older baby. He will say, Mamma, dee, dee chair. He calls it "Dee", or "Dee, dinosaur bed, and he is so cute about it, and I love how I can actual tell how much he loves it. That sounds absolutely sweet, Julie, and I would not say no to him either. Again, I am not asking to make a judgement against you.
Are you getting the picture? Dr. Eyere sure was. And so did I. I was assuming she was passing judgement AGAINST what I was doing. I felt the need to explain myself, and I rambled on and on and on. And finally she said,
Julie. Now is Not The Time to be worrying about your weight. Absolutely Not The Time.
Now Is Not The Time.
Now
Is
Not
The
Time.
Not the time to worry? About? Anything I had just talked about. I was free.
Just Enjoy The Time.
I almost burst into tears right then and there. If I had known her any better, I would have. She had struck a nerve. A very raw one, several, actually.
Here I was trying to convince a doctor of my choices. Like I needed to win her over to my team or something. Team Get Up at Night, or Team Breastfeeding Older Children. Why did I want to win her over? I will tell you why. My own need for approval. If a doctor thought it was okay, it must be okay. Was it not enough that I was okay with it? Apparently not that day, or any other day, for that matter.
I also realized, as long as I want others approval, I will never be complete with my own choices.
I will never experience true peace if I am always looking to others to make me peaceful.
I drove away from that appointment wanting to cry more.
What had I been doing??? In my quest for approval. Doing things that didn't need to be done. Going places I didn't need to go. Being with people I don't need to be with? Saying things I don't need to say?
Perhaps all of that is true.
Perhaps I needed yesterday to remind me once again that it is okay to be wrong in everyone else's eyes, if I am at peace in my own.
My Own Mother Eyes that God gave specifically to me.
Much Love to all the Ladies in my Life Who Know and Do Enjoy The Time.
XO, Julie
Friday, August 3, 2012
Blessed in the Nest. Musings of a Runner????
I ran my 2 miles today. My 2 miles. How is this possible?
Isaiah 40:31 says "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint."
There have been many things I have hoped for in this life I was given that started on
April 16th, 1968.
I remember hoping for a happy family. Hoping for a good husband, a teaching job, a nice home, lots of healthy children, good & kind & nurturing & smart teachers for my children. A good church. Friends to love me. All hoping.
Never once did I hope to run. Ever. For any reason. Even if a bear was chasing me. I would succumb. Let him eat me, I would accept my fate.
And then, last summer, I got it into my head to go to the track, drag Carl along, and run. I had given up going to the gym. Adding even 1 more early morning hour to my day was just not a choice I was willing to make, so tootles my 5a.m. mornings at Planet Fitness. We ran last summer and me with the baby jogger and Daniel inside through part of the fall. Now again, at the track.
Today I was by myself. Something this time around has cause somewhere inside me to recognize when I begin to run "in my own strength". I want to quit every time. I started out that way this morning. I was the only one there at the track. After lap 2, I was thinking, how can I do 6 more laps? I don't really want to be here, its muggy, close, my water is warm. And that is when it hit me. Julie, you are doing this in your own strength. Renew your strength in ME, the Creator of YOU. So I shift my focus, my thoughts, my energy. And I keep running.
So, this running thing, just like my marriage thing, and my parenting thing, and my teaching/leading/volunteering thing I do. I have learned a lesson this summer.
There are ways to not get weary or be faint. For real. And I am not talking about taking an extra nap or coffee break or even getting that 6 to 8 hours of sleep you THINK you need. I don't get any of that. And, I don't have the expectation that I will.
But, here's the thing, the most important thing,
When I remember and focus on where I claim to get my strength from:
God, the Creator of all hopes realized, and I stay focused on the blessings of this life, I don't need to be weary or faint. I can soar,
I can run, I can walk anywhere, make it through any situation that comes my way: kid, financial, sleep deprived, anything. Total Truth from the One Who Loves Me Best.
I don't think someone watching me would label me an eagle, an eagle who goes soaring around the track at Cohen Middle School. But in the internal, the deep, the Julie heart that beats for hope and a new day,
that girl is Soaring.
And when SHE changes her focus from herself, it takes only a second to keep on going.
Completing the tasks of the day that have been chosen specifically for her.
I can almost say I love running. I sure hope Louise Cunningham reads this!!!
Love to all, and All my 40 something friends who are doing this new thing called running!!!
Julie Robbins
Chief Co-Executive of The Nest
Isaiah 40:31 says "But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not be faint."
There have been many things I have hoped for in this life I was given that started on
April 16th, 1968.
I remember hoping for a happy family. Hoping for a good husband, a teaching job, a nice home, lots of healthy children, good & kind & nurturing & smart teachers for my children. A good church. Friends to love me. All hoping.
Never once did I hope to run. Ever. For any reason. Even if a bear was chasing me. I would succumb. Let him eat me, I would accept my fate.
And then, last summer, I got it into my head to go to the track, drag Carl along, and run. I had given up going to the gym. Adding even 1 more early morning hour to my day was just not a choice I was willing to make, so tootles my 5a.m. mornings at Planet Fitness. We ran last summer and me with the baby jogger and Daniel inside through part of the fall. Now again, at the track.
Today I was by myself. Something this time around has cause somewhere inside me to recognize when I begin to run "in my own strength". I want to quit every time. I started out that way this morning. I was the only one there at the track. After lap 2, I was thinking, how can I do 6 more laps? I don't really want to be here, its muggy, close, my water is warm. And that is when it hit me. Julie, you are doing this in your own strength. Renew your strength in ME, the Creator of YOU. So I shift my focus, my thoughts, my energy. And I keep running.
So, this running thing, just like my marriage thing, and my parenting thing, and my teaching/leading/volunteering thing I do. I have learned a lesson this summer.
There are ways to not get weary or be faint. For real. And I am not talking about taking an extra nap or coffee break or even getting that 6 to 8 hours of sleep you THINK you need. I don't get any of that. And, I don't have the expectation that I will.
But, here's the thing, the most important thing,
When I remember and focus on where I claim to get my strength from:
God, the Creator of all hopes realized, and I stay focused on the blessings of this life, I don't need to be weary or faint. I can soar,
I can run, I can walk anywhere, make it through any situation that comes my way: kid, financial, sleep deprived, anything. Total Truth from the One Who Loves Me Best.
I don't think someone watching me would label me an eagle, an eagle who goes soaring around the track at Cohen Middle School. But in the internal, the deep, the Julie heart that beats for hope and a new day,
that girl is Soaring.
And when SHE changes her focus from herself, it takes only a second to keep on going.
Completing the tasks of the day that have been chosen specifically for her.
I can almost say I love running. I sure hope Louise Cunningham reads this!!!
Love to all, and All my 40 something friends who are doing this new thing called running!!!
Julie Robbins
Chief Co-Executive of The Nest
Friday, July 27, 2012
The boyfriend is downstairs and I want to go to bed.
You know, I never thought it was going to be fun at all when my daughters began dating.
I know some see dating as a horrible activity. But when I mean dating, I don't mean having sex with everyone you go out with. There is a big difference. I mean going out with someone to find out what they are like. I mean spending time together, having long walks, talking, and egads, yes, kissing. (sorry non believers in kissing, I do not mean to offend). And I still mean having sex with your husband only. This can be done as well and still date other people. I am living proof. I know, weird in this day and age.
I had plenty of my own horror stories, but I had some great times too. My sister and I had a rule that we had to double date until age 17, a junior in high school, so my sister would tell the current beau, If you can find someone to go out with my sister, she is pretty, I can go. Yes, I was such a good big sissy. And I got a lot of free meals, and fun places to go so Wendi could have dates. I met lots of boys through teen church camp, and many district youth activities, mostly well supervised. That was back in the day where you WROTE LETTERS to the beau of the day. I remember putting the stamp money in the mailbox, daily, mind you, till finally the postman said I would need to get my own stamps, he did not have time to put stamps on all my letters every day. Until I met Carl, I had kept all my "love" letters, and who knows there might still be some in the attic at my parent's house.
The experience with our daughter Kristen, and beau, have gone pretty well to date. You always have bumps in the road as you establish the boundaries you deem necessary in your house. Carl and I aren't as conservative as some of our friends, nor are we are flagrant as some others. We believe that you shouldn't be controlling your teenager, but, we find it good and wise to guide and instruct. So far, the guiding and instructing has worked, to date.
Both Carl and I were watching them in the water at Peaks Kenny last Saturday. And we both said the same thing at the same time. I love that kid. How can I love that kid so much? How. How is it we just miss him so much when he's not around. We didn't birth him, we weren't there for his first day of kindergarten, we didn't get to guide him through his high school years. And yet, and yet, he's in our family now. We didn't know we would feel this way. Not A Clue. We figured we would not encourage any relationships. We thought it was something to dread. Something to be worried about, as we had been informed from many many many conservative types. However, this is not our experience. Maybe we just do things differently around here at the Robbins Nest, who knows.
I was joking with Elizabeth the other day about her procuring a boyfriend. I said, I just can't wait. It will be a total riot. Ryan said, I have a list prepared of questions I plan to interrogate him with, Elizabeth style. (She LOVES to interrogate.). Oh no, she is not getting a boyfriend until she is out of high school, college even. She deems it a useless endeavor. They just take you away from your academic goals. And why should she? She has a great Dad, parents who love her, ehhh. Boys are Idiots. all that relationship stuff, just Plain Gross.
Kristen said, I used to feel the same way, Elizabeth.
We Shall See.
In the meantime,
I will be putting my baby boy to bed,
staying up when Carl is not here until the Big Boy goes home,
And Trusting and Praying and Guiding In Between.
Love from our Full Nest,
Julie
I know some see dating as a horrible activity. But when I mean dating, I don't mean having sex with everyone you go out with. There is a big difference. I mean going out with someone to find out what they are like. I mean spending time together, having long walks, talking, and egads, yes, kissing. (sorry non believers in kissing, I do not mean to offend). And I still mean having sex with your husband only. This can be done as well and still date other people. I am living proof. I know, weird in this day and age.
I had plenty of my own horror stories, but I had some great times too. My sister and I had a rule that we had to double date until age 17, a junior in high school, so my sister would tell the current beau, If you can find someone to go out with my sister, she is pretty, I can go. Yes, I was such a good big sissy. And I got a lot of free meals, and fun places to go so Wendi could have dates. I met lots of boys through teen church camp, and many district youth activities, mostly well supervised. That was back in the day where you WROTE LETTERS to the beau of the day. I remember putting the stamp money in the mailbox, daily, mind you, till finally the postman said I would need to get my own stamps, he did not have time to put stamps on all my letters every day. Until I met Carl, I had kept all my "love" letters, and who knows there might still be some in the attic at my parent's house.
The experience with our daughter Kristen, and beau, have gone pretty well to date. You always have bumps in the road as you establish the boundaries you deem necessary in your house. Carl and I aren't as conservative as some of our friends, nor are we are flagrant as some others. We believe that you shouldn't be controlling your teenager, but, we find it good and wise to guide and instruct. So far, the guiding and instructing has worked, to date.
Both Carl and I were watching them in the water at Peaks Kenny last Saturday. And we both said the same thing at the same time. I love that kid. How can I love that kid so much? How. How is it we just miss him so much when he's not around. We didn't birth him, we weren't there for his first day of kindergarten, we didn't get to guide him through his high school years. And yet, and yet, he's in our family now. We didn't know we would feel this way. Not A Clue. We figured we would not encourage any relationships. We thought it was something to dread. Something to be worried about, as we had been informed from many many many conservative types. However, this is not our experience. Maybe we just do things differently around here at the Robbins Nest, who knows.
I was joking with Elizabeth the other day about her procuring a boyfriend. I said, I just can't wait. It will be a total riot. Ryan said, I have a list prepared of questions I plan to interrogate him with, Elizabeth style. (She LOVES to interrogate.). Oh no, she is not getting a boyfriend until she is out of high school, college even. She deems it a useless endeavor. They just take you away from your academic goals. And why should she? She has a great Dad, parents who love her, ehhh. Boys are Idiots. all that relationship stuff, just Plain Gross.
Kristen said, I used to feel the same way, Elizabeth.
We Shall See.
In the meantime,
I will be putting my baby boy to bed,
staying up when Carl is not here until the Big Boy goes home,
And Trusting and Praying and Guiding In Between.
Love from our Full Nest,
Julie
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
It all Began with a Maple Syrup spill. Camping.
As things began to unfold during our first camping trip of the summer, Carl said, this is all bloggable. You have to tell about this. I think it is funny now, can laugh, and actually the during part I did really well with. I didn't freak out once, almost, when I couldn't find the keys. but, that is further in the story of Camping At Peaks Kenny summer 2012.
First trip of the season. We decided it was a good idea to invite Ryan, Kristen's beau, since he had never been "real" camping, meaning, sleeping in a tent camping. He is a good egg, and said sure. Parents, when your child has a significant other, I would give you a recommendation. Bring them on long trips with you. You will very quickly find out about their character, heart, strengths & weaknesses. Camping is fantastic because there are no distractions. And Yes, of course he had his own tent, Carl's tent, which he called "Coffin Tent" because that is what it felt like to lay in it.
I went to the van to get something. We had unpacked at the site, and had come down to the beach area. The dog needed water. I opened the van door to notice a maple smell. My lovely, wrapped in a shop and save bag, maple syrup dispenser was on its side and its golden contents had seeped out all over Kristen's sports bag which still held the contents of her books and clothes. I quickly used 100 baby wipes and cleaned up as much as I could, then opened the bag. Big sigh of relief, none had dripped inside. Of course, since we were camping, we bring the good stuff, the $34 gallon good stuff syrup, when I told Carl about it, of course he said, was that the $34 a gallon stuff. Of course, I responded. what else would it have been??? Kristen took it well, I was actually kind of glad it had happened to her stuff and not her sister. Another blog.
I then proceeded to cook food on the beach. We were using briquets because we were cooking while camping, which means charcoal. Oh I love charcoal. I need my yearly dose. Good thing I never smoked, but oh how I love charcoal. Only, I forgot how to cook with charcoal and we had many many laughs waiting for that chicken to get done, but it finally was, and it tasted awesome.
The big event of the first night had not yet occurred. We went about our business, having a campfire, marshmellows, a walk. Getting Daniel settled went well. He absolutely loves Ryan, couldn't believe he was around all the time, we had to pry him off the poor kid(Ryan) to get him to bed. All was well. Ryan had a little bit of adjustment to his coffin tent. But he was game. We all went to bed relatively early, 10 ish. Normal, peaceful start.
At 2:30ish a.m. Carl says to me, I am in massive pain. My kidneys. I am serious, I'm gonna go talk to Chris about it. He gets up, and walks over to the Dobsons tent. Chris is an EMT, and the pain was greater than Carl had experienced to date. Chris told him, there is really nothing you can do. Get some pain meds, ibuprophen, or something, and just ride it out. Oh Really. He comes back to the camp site, I can hear him grimacing through the tent. Carl is the last person I would ever label a whiner, I do know some whiny males, but he is definately not one of them. He says, do we have ibuprophen? No, or maybe look in the dash. He does. Nope. so he tries to "walk off" the pain. NOT WORKING. He then feels bad, but remembers Ryan says he had 2 emergency kits in his car. He even showed us one to get for Kristen for her car when she begins driving by herself. So, off to waking up Ryan. He quickly comes out, looks through both his kits, finding no pain meds. While he is looking, Carl begins vomitting. I know, gross, but imagine hearing it in the quiet woods. EVERYONE heard this. He is sick because he is in that much pain. Now, the only time I was in that much pain and vomitting was at 9 cm dilated while in labor with Kristen. Only happened with her, but I am feeling so bad for hubby right now. I get up. Do you want me to bring you home? He can barely talk. yeah, sure. Daniel had woken, I said, oh adventure time. lets go for a ride. And then, I remembered, when we went to bed we didn't know where the keys to the van were. If you have ever been in the woods, there are no street lights, and when you flash a light around, its almost too bright to see anything up close. The Keys. Where are the DAmn Keys? Oh hell, oh damn, oh helldamn, where are the keys? Carl is drenched in sweat, leaning over the van, baby in car seat, oh we are on an aventure, oh NO KEYS. Come on God, where are these keys? After searching and searching around in the dark, Carl says, I am going to have to get Ryan up again. He goes to his tent, which is right next to ours. Im sorry Ryan, what do you Need. Lets go. thats it. thats all he said. I love this Kid. I just love this kid. He is such an awesome boy/young man. No delays, just ready. He gets us, Carl gets into his car and off they go. Carl being the frugal myster that he is, thought, lets go to Mayo hospital, I can get free tylenol there. Nope, not unless he was admitted. By this point the pain had subsided, very weirdly. He said to Ryan, I'm not paying $150 for Tylenol. In the middle of nowhere, Dover Foxcroft Maine, they have an all night Irving. Carl put 10 bucks in Ryan's tank (which he told Kristen later he could not believe Carl would do that for him) and bought 6 tylenol for 1.66. He had stopped sweating and was not in pain anymore. Amazing. He came home, went to bed, and got up the next morning ready to go. My husband is Amazing. He is a trooper. But what we both were impressed with was the willing nature of our daughter's suitor. He even offered Carl his camel back to drink out of when Carl was in his car on the way to the E. R. Carl was impressed with that because the kid had just watched Carl hurl, obviously not a germ a phob. Good Hearted.
The next morning, which came pretty quickly, Carl said, I really want to have breakfast in the cove. Now, we all went along with it, amazed that he was doing so well. We got to the cove, set up, and were almost blown away. The winds were of the tonado force, and here we are trying to cook bacon on our coleman. Kristen kept saying um we ARE hungry Dad. Oh it will cook, it will cook. Almost simultaneously one of the pans blew off the grill onto the ground, and Penny, our dog, got breakfast. There was of course some bacon left, uncooked, that blew into me, my shirt, and neck area. Yup, bacon grease. SO PRETTY!!!!
THATS IT!!! We are going to McDonalds!!! Was my batttle cry. oh, and when the pan blew off, Carl let out a supurlative I hadn't heard since his precious motorcycle tipped over. I didn't hear it, I was being accousted by bacon, but everyone else did. Later Carl apologized to Chris and Angie. Chris said, really, do you know what I hear at work all the time. I know, but I shouldn't have said that. Chris said, now we are friends, you use my stuff, you wake me up in the middle of the night, and you/re not perfect with your mouth, we are friends. Thank you Chris.
Oh, and Carl's Uncle Dickey dies in the early a.m. No one can get ahold of us because we have no service, so the park ranger was trying to find us, but we were at McDonalds and got service and found this out. Someone has to go get Elizabeth at the gate. She had spend the night with Aunt Jenny and gone to a pool party with cousins and friends.
Yes, Night 1, Day 2 camping.
Now, as many of you know, I am an advocate for camping as a family. And I still am.
Why?
#1 We learned alot about human nature that night.
#2 No one will ever forget Carl hurling.
#3 When someone is in pain "inconvenience" doesn't exist.
#4 When someone has had it, you take them to McDonalds and all is right with the world.
#5 Seeing each other foibles is the only way to get to know them, and accept them.
#6 Ryan will NEVER forget Us, no matter what!:)))))
#7 I just love my family.
#8 Find your keys before you go to bed at night.
I love how we can play together, get rip roaring mad at each other, nothing holding back. We are rude, loving, kind, big mouths, who know how to have a good time. When I met my husband in 1987, God KNEW I would need someone in my life to stretch me. To smooth out my hyper intensive edges. And he knew Carl needed someone to care for him. Someone who would willing load a baby in a van at 3a.m. to take him home to suffer through kidney stones.
We stayed on 2 more nights, no incidents, just lots of good food, swimming, fellowship, and lots of marshmellows and chocolate and bacon with breakfast.
Just another day in the Robbins Nest.
Love, chief Engineer, Julie Robbins
First trip of the season. We decided it was a good idea to invite Ryan, Kristen's beau, since he had never been "real" camping, meaning, sleeping in a tent camping. He is a good egg, and said sure. Parents, when your child has a significant other, I would give you a recommendation. Bring them on long trips with you. You will very quickly find out about their character, heart, strengths & weaknesses. Camping is fantastic because there are no distractions. And Yes, of course he had his own tent, Carl's tent, which he called "Coffin Tent" because that is what it felt like to lay in it.
I went to the van to get something. We had unpacked at the site, and had come down to the beach area. The dog needed water. I opened the van door to notice a maple smell. My lovely, wrapped in a shop and save bag, maple syrup dispenser was on its side and its golden contents had seeped out all over Kristen's sports bag which still held the contents of her books and clothes. I quickly used 100 baby wipes and cleaned up as much as I could, then opened the bag. Big sigh of relief, none had dripped inside. Of course, since we were camping, we bring the good stuff, the $34 gallon good stuff syrup, when I told Carl about it, of course he said, was that the $34 a gallon stuff. Of course, I responded. what else would it have been??? Kristen took it well, I was actually kind of glad it had happened to her stuff and not her sister. Another blog.
I then proceeded to cook food on the beach. We were using briquets because we were cooking while camping, which means charcoal. Oh I love charcoal. I need my yearly dose. Good thing I never smoked, but oh how I love charcoal. Only, I forgot how to cook with charcoal and we had many many laughs waiting for that chicken to get done, but it finally was, and it tasted awesome.
The big event of the first night had not yet occurred. We went about our business, having a campfire, marshmellows, a walk. Getting Daniel settled went well. He absolutely loves Ryan, couldn't believe he was around all the time, we had to pry him off the poor kid(Ryan) to get him to bed. All was well. Ryan had a little bit of adjustment to his coffin tent. But he was game. We all went to bed relatively early, 10 ish. Normal, peaceful start.
At 2:30ish a.m. Carl says to me, I am in massive pain. My kidneys. I am serious, I'm gonna go talk to Chris about it. He gets up, and walks over to the Dobsons tent. Chris is an EMT, and the pain was greater than Carl had experienced to date. Chris told him, there is really nothing you can do. Get some pain meds, ibuprophen, or something, and just ride it out. Oh Really. He comes back to the camp site, I can hear him grimacing through the tent. Carl is the last person I would ever label a whiner, I do know some whiny males, but he is definately not one of them. He says, do we have ibuprophen? No, or maybe look in the dash. He does. Nope. so he tries to "walk off" the pain. NOT WORKING. He then feels bad, but remembers Ryan says he had 2 emergency kits in his car. He even showed us one to get for Kristen for her car when she begins driving by herself. So, off to waking up Ryan. He quickly comes out, looks through both his kits, finding no pain meds. While he is looking, Carl begins vomitting. I know, gross, but imagine hearing it in the quiet woods. EVERYONE heard this. He is sick because he is in that much pain. Now, the only time I was in that much pain and vomitting was at 9 cm dilated while in labor with Kristen. Only happened with her, but I am feeling so bad for hubby right now. I get up. Do you want me to bring you home? He can barely talk. yeah, sure. Daniel had woken, I said, oh adventure time. lets go for a ride. And then, I remembered, when we went to bed we didn't know where the keys to the van were. If you have ever been in the woods, there are no street lights, and when you flash a light around, its almost too bright to see anything up close. The Keys. Where are the DAmn Keys? Oh hell, oh damn, oh helldamn, where are the keys? Carl is drenched in sweat, leaning over the van, baby in car seat, oh we are on an aventure, oh NO KEYS. Come on God, where are these keys? After searching and searching around in the dark, Carl says, I am going to have to get Ryan up again. He goes to his tent, which is right next to ours. Im sorry Ryan, what do you Need. Lets go. thats it. thats all he said. I love this Kid. I just love this kid. He is such an awesome boy/young man. No delays, just ready. He gets us, Carl gets into his car and off they go. Carl being the frugal myster that he is, thought, lets go to Mayo hospital, I can get free tylenol there. Nope, not unless he was admitted. By this point the pain had subsided, very weirdly. He said to Ryan, I'm not paying $150 for Tylenol. In the middle of nowhere, Dover Foxcroft Maine, they have an all night Irving. Carl put 10 bucks in Ryan's tank (which he told Kristen later he could not believe Carl would do that for him) and bought 6 tylenol for 1.66. He had stopped sweating and was not in pain anymore. Amazing. He came home, went to bed, and got up the next morning ready to go. My husband is Amazing. He is a trooper. But what we both were impressed with was the willing nature of our daughter's suitor. He even offered Carl his camel back to drink out of when Carl was in his car on the way to the E. R. Carl was impressed with that because the kid had just watched Carl hurl, obviously not a germ a phob. Good Hearted.
The next morning, which came pretty quickly, Carl said, I really want to have breakfast in the cove. Now, we all went along with it, amazed that he was doing so well. We got to the cove, set up, and were almost blown away. The winds were of the tonado force, and here we are trying to cook bacon on our coleman. Kristen kept saying um we ARE hungry Dad. Oh it will cook, it will cook. Almost simultaneously one of the pans blew off the grill onto the ground, and Penny, our dog, got breakfast. There was of course some bacon left, uncooked, that blew into me, my shirt, and neck area. Yup, bacon grease. SO PRETTY!!!!
THATS IT!!! We are going to McDonalds!!! Was my batttle cry. oh, and when the pan blew off, Carl let out a supurlative I hadn't heard since his precious motorcycle tipped over. I didn't hear it, I was being accousted by bacon, but everyone else did. Later Carl apologized to Chris and Angie. Chris said, really, do you know what I hear at work all the time. I know, but I shouldn't have said that. Chris said, now we are friends, you use my stuff, you wake me up in the middle of the night, and you/re not perfect with your mouth, we are friends. Thank you Chris.
Oh, and Carl's Uncle Dickey dies in the early a.m. No one can get ahold of us because we have no service, so the park ranger was trying to find us, but we were at McDonalds and got service and found this out. Someone has to go get Elizabeth at the gate. She had spend the night with Aunt Jenny and gone to a pool party with cousins and friends.
Yes, Night 1, Day 2 camping.
Now, as many of you know, I am an advocate for camping as a family. And I still am.
Why?
#1 We learned alot about human nature that night.
#2 No one will ever forget Carl hurling.
#3 When someone is in pain "inconvenience" doesn't exist.
#4 When someone has had it, you take them to McDonalds and all is right with the world.
#5 Seeing each other foibles is the only way to get to know them, and accept them.
#6 Ryan will NEVER forget Us, no matter what!:)))))
#7 I just love my family.
#8 Find your keys before you go to bed at night.
I love how we can play together, get rip roaring mad at each other, nothing holding back. We are rude, loving, kind, big mouths, who know how to have a good time. When I met my husband in 1987, God KNEW I would need someone in my life to stretch me. To smooth out my hyper intensive edges. And he knew Carl needed someone to care for him. Someone who would willing load a baby in a van at 3a.m. to take him home to suffer through kidney stones.
We stayed on 2 more nights, no incidents, just lots of good food, swimming, fellowship, and lots of marshmellows and chocolate and bacon with breakfast.
Just another day in the Robbins Nest.
Love, chief Engineer, Julie Robbins
Tuesday, June 5, 2012
Pennies from Heaven???
I am in confession mode today. Where is my confessional box so I don't have to look at anyone while doing so? Its right here, its called a blog on the computer. No one looking me in the eye right now but me. And you, if you choose to post a comment.
I am one of these people who keeps looking for the literal "check in the mail". Every day, I go to the mailbox, hoping for money to greet me. I do this. I have often wanted Carl to track down his birth mother, and he says, you know, she is not Welch from Welch's grape juice, and that was my birth father's name, and we KNOW he had nothing.
One day last week while Carl was gone, I was actually praying that money would show up in my mailbox by 2:30p.m. For real. The silver lining of my day was that I WAS on the porch when Bangor Water District showed up to turn off our water for a late $72 bill. Add $25 to that for him just showing up to tell me that. It wasn't that we didn't have the money to pay, the bill had not been added to Carl's monthly billpaying acct, and it was forgotten. The guy said we don't take debit/credit cards either. Oh Boy. I never have cash, and I didn't think I had any checks left. I said, let me go inside. Another confession. Carl had a checkbook in the drawer he wasn't using as it was a closed acct. This greeted me. I thought. I could write this check, buy myself some time until he gets back on Sunday, I can't have this water shut off. No, I did not write the false check. I could not have done that, I don't think. I found my check book, and yippee, had a check left. Wrote out the check for $97 and some change. I had water. And I had other bills coming out of that account before Carl was getting back from PA.
So I sat down and wrote in my gratitude journal
#36.I'm thankful I was sweeping on the porch when the City of Bangor came to shut my water off. Had I not been outside, it would have been shut off. My husband is gone until Sunday, I would have had no water.
No water for a family of 5 is a huge deal.
BUT
I wrote this check for $97. 83. Other bills will bounce if I don't get $100 into my acct. and very soon. Sooner than Monday. Carl had taken his debit card to PA. I don't know how to access the bill paying acct., that's his deal. So I pray. Then I think. Well, I do have some gold jewelry I don't wear. I'll take that to the gold place on stillwater. So I gathered up what I don't wear anymore, and that didn't have extreme sentimental value, and off I went. Elizabeth was home sick and saw my little pile on the table. Mom, thats just so sad. This makes me sad. But, I wasn't sad at all. I was looking at the stuff thinking why did we buy this stuff in the first place?
Why did I put so much value on a show of "things" to prove some significance to a holiday?
Very silly at the moment. Very silly. But, I did have memories associated with some of it. I almost cried for a moment. Sigh. Off I went. Long story short, the guy wanted to give me a grand total of $82! He would round it out to $100 bucks when I said, well, I will NEVER by real jewelry ever again, what a RIP OFF! Yes, I said that. I was like, nah. I just did not feel at peace about it, and the guy was very cocky, kind of jerkish, and I walked away.
I still needed the money. But I did have a $25 ck from Mom for my recent anniversary I was saving. I went to the bank, deciding to go inside. I saw a neighbor there with a jug of pennies. Hey, I have a jug of change I thought. I wonder how much is in there? I rode home and brought the jug in, dumped it into the machine. And just guess how much was in that jug??? $99.88! Yup. I cannot make this up. I had no idea.
But God did.
You know that little verse that talks about asking God for stuff and he tells us He will provide for our needs? We already have what we NEED. HIM. Praying guided my brain & heart & I obeyed. My NEED was met. I had it. It was right in front of me, even already in the house. In the Jug. Collected over a period of time for Florida, but we didn't use it when we went to Florida. MY Jewelry plan, was exactly that, MY PLAN. But I knew, and was listening to that small voice, Is This What YOU want God? It this your best plan for me right now???
There are many many many things to be learned from this lesson and I bet we can all take away something different, depending where we are in our Daily Journey With God. But, this is what I took away:
1. God sees me
2. God hears me
3. God loves me
4. His way, His Will, His purpose is always perfect.
5. When coupled with my listening & obedience, I cannot loose, ever.
I also got the very distinct feeling that God loves me. I know I said that already. (#3) But I had been busy beating myself up. We are so irresponsible. We can't keep anything strait around here. Boy, I bet God is unhappy with me because I used my credit card to buy those hanging plants.(which will be paid, ASAP). This is my "spanking" from God. Either no water or bounced checks or both had I not been on the porch.
BUT
I WAS on the porch. Had the guy come a mere 5 minutes earlier, I would have been upstairs putting Daniel down. I DID have a check to pay with. I DID have the money to put in my acct. via our change jug. And so I return to my gratitude journal.
# 37 Thank you for $99.88 in the change jug.
#1-5 See above.
Will I still be checking my mailbox? Well yes. One can always hope, and good things HAVE come in my mailbox. Ultimately, my trust and faith do not rely on my mailbox or how good I can be or how smart I am or how organized. My Trust and Faith rely on my Creator. The one who loves me, sees me, hears me, and is VERY patient with me.
Thankfully,
Julie
I am one of these people who keeps looking for the literal "check in the mail". Every day, I go to the mailbox, hoping for money to greet me. I do this. I have often wanted Carl to track down his birth mother, and he says, you know, she is not Welch from Welch's grape juice, and that was my birth father's name, and we KNOW he had nothing.
One day last week while Carl was gone, I was actually praying that money would show up in my mailbox by 2:30p.m. For real. The silver lining of my day was that I WAS on the porch when Bangor Water District showed up to turn off our water for a late $72 bill. Add $25 to that for him just showing up to tell me that. It wasn't that we didn't have the money to pay, the bill had not been added to Carl's monthly billpaying acct, and it was forgotten. The guy said we don't take debit/credit cards either. Oh Boy. I never have cash, and I didn't think I had any checks left. I said, let me go inside. Another confession. Carl had a checkbook in the drawer he wasn't using as it was a closed acct. This greeted me. I thought. I could write this check, buy myself some time until he gets back on Sunday, I can't have this water shut off. No, I did not write the false check. I could not have done that, I don't think. I found my check book, and yippee, had a check left. Wrote out the check for $97 and some change. I had water. And I had other bills coming out of that account before Carl was getting back from PA.
So I sat down and wrote in my gratitude journal
#36.I'm thankful I was sweeping on the porch when the City of Bangor came to shut my water off. Had I not been outside, it would have been shut off. My husband is gone until Sunday, I would have had no water.
No water for a family of 5 is a huge deal.
BUT
I wrote this check for $97. 83. Other bills will bounce if I don't get $100 into my acct. and very soon. Sooner than Monday. Carl had taken his debit card to PA. I don't know how to access the bill paying acct., that's his deal. So I pray. Then I think. Well, I do have some gold jewelry I don't wear. I'll take that to the gold place on stillwater. So I gathered up what I don't wear anymore, and that didn't have extreme sentimental value, and off I went. Elizabeth was home sick and saw my little pile on the table. Mom, thats just so sad. This makes me sad. But, I wasn't sad at all. I was looking at the stuff thinking why did we buy this stuff in the first place?
Why did I put so much value on a show of "things" to prove some significance to a holiday?
Very silly at the moment. Very silly. But, I did have memories associated with some of it. I almost cried for a moment. Sigh. Off I went. Long story short, the guy wanted to give me a grand total of $82! He would round it out to $100 bucks when I said, well, I will NEVER by real jewelry ever again, what a RIP OFF! Yes, I said that. I was like, nah. I just did not feel at peace about it, and the guy was very cocky, kind of jerkish, and I walked away.
I still needed the money. But I did have a $25 ck from Mom for my recent anniversary I was saving. I went to the bank, deciding to go inside. I saw a neighbor there with a jug of pennies. Hey, I have a jug of change I thought. I wonder how much is in there? I rode home and brought the jug in, dumped it into the machine. And just guess how much was in that jug??? $99.88! Yup. I cannot make this up. I had no idea.
But God did.
You know that little verse that talks about asking God for stuff and he tells us He will provide for our needs? We already have what we NEED. HIM. Praying guided my brain & heart & I obeyed. My NEED was met. I had it. It was right in front of me, even already in the house. In the Jug. Collected over a period of time for Florida, but we didn't use it when we went to Florida. MY Jewelry plan, was exactly that, MY PLAN. But I knew, and was listening to that small voice, Is This What YOU want God? It this your best plan for me right now???
There are many many many things to be learned from this lesson and I bet we can all take away something different, depending where we are in our Daily Journey With God. But, this is what I took away:
1. God sees me
2. God hears me
3. God loves me
4. His way, His Will, His purpose is always perfect.
5. When coupled with my listening & obedience, I cannot loose, ever.
I also got the very distinct feeling that God loves me. I know I said that already. (#3) But I had been busy beating myself up. We are so irresponsible. We can't keep anything strait around here. Boy, I bet God is unhappy with me because I used my credit card to buy those hanging plants.(which will be paid, ASAP). This is my "spanking" from God. Either no water or bounced checks or both had I not been on the porch.
BUT
I WAS on the porch. Had the guy come a mere 5 minutes earlier, I would have been upstairs putting Daniel down. I DID have a check to pay with. I DID have the money to put in my acct. via our change jug. And so I return to my gratitude journal.
# 37 Thank you for $99.88 in the change jug.
#1-5 See above.
Will I still be checking my mailbox? Well yes. One can always hope, and good things HAVE come in my mailbox. Ultimately, my trust and faith do not rely on my mailbox or how good I can be or how smart I am or how organized. My Trust and Faith rely on my Creator. The one who loves me, sees me, hears me, and is VERY patient with me.
Thankfully,
Julie
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