I JUST read a post about a very sweet dear gal who was trying to deal with the fact that her son would be attending Kindergarten this week...I read her post and began to tear up.
I have been in denial that I have also reached the point of my son attending school. I just realized this morning as I awoke that it was THIS TUESDAY he was going to school, not next Tuesday...denial much?
In addition to my Mt. of D'enial I have a lovely daughter who will be a Senior. She already has big plans for June 13th, 2016, which I believe is the day after graduation... LOL... she's a planner. I have told myself already, she will be out of state. I won't see her until Thanksgiving. then Christmas for a month, then possibly again in May when college is over, but who knows? She may stay where she's landed and work and begin her brand new life seperate from us, me, Mom. I tell myself I am okay with all of this. I say its normal. I tell anyone who will listen, let them go when they begin high school, you are SUPPOSE to be transitioning out of their lives... SUPPOSE TO!!! She's strong, independent, knows what and whom she wants, its extremely clear about how she wants her life to go. After a lengthy conversation last night about commitments, her relationship, how she views life, etc. At first I wanted to cry, because I thought, she's so different than me, but then I thought, no she's NOT. She's actually much like me. A lot like me, actually. Her honesty, her love, her fierce reasoning, her sass, strength, loyalty, supportive nature, all will bode well in her future endeavors, and I seriously can barely wait to see it all play out.
My lovely title of Gram to be bestowed on or around November 20th is almost unbelievable. I see the belly of my daughter growing, and I still don't believe it. I see the ultrasound picture, and I'm like, is this real?? How?? And then I have these moments of absolutely knowing she will be fine. And I wish I could do it for her...and that's when my Mt. of D'enial has to come down. I told someone recently, if I could go through labor for my daughters, I would, so they would not have to feel pain. The idea of my kids in pain, whether it be heartbreak or body breaking pain from a back surgery, or living in pain because of a back surgery, or going through labor, and giving birth pain, just about does this momma in. I would endure anything for them, ANYTHING.... yup, Mt. of D'enial must come down.
After a recent message at church I felt led to create a space with pictures of my family with verses attached to said pictures on a bulletin board as you walk into my home. Its actually quite nice. I'm still working on it, as I have several pictures I want to add to the collage. At one point in my reading of the quotes I have next to each picture, I felt this nudging in my spirit. Like this small voice that said, I had you do this for you, so YOU would be reminded daily, I've got these people you love more than anything in this world in the palm of my hand. Their futures, their hopes, their dreams, their destinies. COVERED. Thanks God. I do need to be reminded daily. Hourly. Moment by moment, at times. I do not need your worry, or control, or tears, or stress. Take your own advice, Let Them Go.
This growing up parenting is far more challenging. I will confess. The letting go? Very Hard. Waiting to get to the other side of the next 6 months? Mind numbingly crazy. Seeing my grand girl after she's been born? You mean I just have to WAIT for all these things to play out??? GAH. Talk about trusting. Talk about letting that need for control and predictability to make my days go well? Gone. or that need needs to get Gone.
So, as you engage with your littles, let me tell you this. There will be things you miss, and there will be things you don't miss. And as they grow, and meet people whom they love, oh, that is THE BEST part about parenting growing up children. When your family expands? THE BEST.
But, the only way all the good happens is for them to grow up, leave the nest, begin their own journeys, whether that be the first day of Kindergarten, Senior year, College, Marriage, New State, Baby, or Traveling to far away places, and you miss them terribly when they go. But, its the only way for them to get to where God wants them to be. To Leave you.
On Tuesday, I begin another Letting Go Journey.
Jeremiah 29:11 tells me God already has big plans. I just need to keep praying and he will draw near to me, help me to let go, support, love, and encourage. I do want to do well with that!!!
Love to you all,
From this changing Nest to yours.
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