#13..Taking a walk.

We've always loved the woods. We made it our goal to go camping at every single Maine State Park during the summers. I think we hit just about all of them. This picture was taken just as sweet little Daniel was already conceived and we did not know. We were visiting the Sprouls in Dedham and Carolyn wanted to take some pictures that day. So sweet.

Today I went on a walk in a new spot in the forest here around Bangor. It was a public forest, so, no hunting allowed in these woods.

I knew I had a limited amount of time, but I also knew if I were to prepare myself for the week ahead and all that would be required of me emotionally and physically, I  knew I MUST take care of myself first.

As I walked up the hill that leads to the forest below I began to feel the cold wind. My first impulse has always been to curl up within myself as if to fight off the wind. I didn't. I just walked through it, breathed in the cold wind, and listened. What do you want to say to me, oh windy one? I listened to the sound of the wind. I listened to the grasses blowing in the wind. There was not a soul around. I looked to my left at one point and there was this woman collected grasses that looked like wheat. It was poetic. Even the way she was dressed in this flowing frock with dark leggings and a tan coat. She looked as if she belonged in that field, at that moment, just for me to notice her simple beauty and how she was appreciating nature.

I entered the forest. I can very easily begin a dialogue with myself, trying to solve all the world's problems. But I said to myself today...."No Dialogue!" There is nothing you need to figure out or fix at this moment.... JUST BREATHE....and so I did.

I was mentally "breathing" for about an hour. At one point I stopped and responded to a text that made me laugh out loud. Laughing and mental breathing seem to go hand in hand for me.

I am learning to take care of me.

I am learning to do what I need to do for me, and me alone.

I am learning how to make myself smile and laugh. And what I find humorous, you may not, and that is OK!

My forest time today was necessary are I prepare for what is to come over the next several days and week. Lots of good things, lots of busy, lots of celebrating!

I took a hot bath tonight filled with lavendar and epsom salts to ease my body aches. I relaxed.

It feels very different to take care of myself. I naturally want to care for others and make others happy. I care what other people think and feel. If I think I have harmed someone else, it bothers me. If I have made someone feel special, I am elated.

But, what about me? I have spent my whole life pleasing others. I think I have used up a lifetime of energy on creating environments of pleasure for others. But, WHAT ABOUT ME??? I readily apologize, cook, make, do. But have I allowed for a space for myself to be happy in the midst of all my doing and pleasing?

I do now.

I purposely pick for myself. I pick people. I pick places. I pick events. I CHOOSE. I am choosing to choose, for me.

I told my son tomorrow would be a He and Me day. He said, Mom, what adventure will we have? I said I wasn't sure, but it will be healing for Me, and He.

I love you. Always.
Thank you for reading.
Happy Holidays from
Julie