In my 50th year of life and on the other side of parenting super young children, I can tell you this.
I need time away. By Myself. All alone. AWAY.
Why? Don't you have an hour each day between work and when Daniel comes home from school? Do you even work full time? Aren't your older kids gone out of the house, which means less laundry, meals, people, noise, messes? Don't you get up at the crack of dawn to be alone for 30 minutes (or try to) each day?????
A YES to all of that, but.........
I came home from my night away recently and informed Carl that I was doing THAT more often.
He looked at me as if I was crazy. "Why would you do that??? I missed you." I think you missed my food, cooking, taking care of everything, and yes, you probably missed me, you know, my winsome personality that constantly brings laughter and fun into your life.....(yes, I am being a wiseass.....)....But, I am very fun and I do laugh a lot, and the groceries WERE limited when I drove away on Friday....and he will be pissed at me if he actually reads this...LOL. (which he does not read my blog, so I'm in the clear! whew!).
I went to Portland to get a new cell phone that Carl found online on Craig's List. Its a nice phone. Rather larger and I haven't figured it out and I couldn't sinc my contacts or my instagram or have any of my pictures transfer. I had some beautiful texts I have saved forever and they did not come over to this new phone....I actually was in tears about this around 3a.m.... but I digress....
I met a man in the mall and he was very nice and I got a new phone from him after we exchanged money. I decided I wasn't traveling home, and stayed at an economical motel.
I laughed as I walked up the stairs to the second floor to my room. It reminded me of a time I stayed in a Red Roof Inn in CT, which was a total dive, but this place wasn't that bad. I got into my room and thought..."Now what?"
I took a bath.
I wandered around the room with no clothes on because I could.
I brushed out my hair.
I turned on the t.v. but t.v. sucks on Friday night, even with cable.
My sister started texting me and we had a HILARIOUS conversation.
That took up until 8:30 p.m........seriously people.....I was DONE at 8:30 p.m......
HOW BORING AM I??????
So, I decided to lay in my bed and think. Sometimes this is good, sometimes its not. BUT I will say it was good because I was thinking happy thoughts on PURPOSE, which I fell off to sleep all happy like.
I SLEPT. I love hotels. I sleep the best in hotels. I know, weird. There is nothing to clean. No one waking me up at 2 a.m. to snuggle or kick me out of bed. I can wake up when I want. I have no one to answer to or take care of. I am not worried about breakfast, lunch, or dinner or if you ate any of those. I'm not searching for underwear or socks or a tan belt to go with those tan khakis, or where's my ID badge, or MOM, bring my backpack to the park and don't forget I want a lollipop in there with my snack.
I actually drove away feeling a little guilty because there wasn't much food in the fridge, and I hadn't made a casserole or something before I left. And then I'm LIKE>>>>>WTH JULIE?????? Just leave. They CAN figure this out!!!!!!!! STOP WORRYING!!!!!
What's my point in telling you all this? Everyone needs to get away and you don't have to EXPLAIN YOURSELF....JUST GO for gods sake. DO IT> Your partner is not your limiter...or in charge of you, or your life. Your kids cannot rule your life. Your spouse should not rule your life. I'm all about respect and partnership....but COME ON!!! I am Julie first. I was Julie first. Just Julie. Alot Julie. Happy Julie. And Julie needs time to be Julie and find fun for JULIE....
And, by the way, that does not negate my love for anyone left behind for a freaking 24 to 72 hours.
If you are with someone that tries to "Make you feel guilty" for wanting to get away? Tough Shit to them. Tell them to go away. You are an individual. I am an individual separate from my "titles" or "roles" or "jobs".
If there is one thing I am learning in my 50th year is how to take care of Julie and if it makes me happy, I AM DOING IT>>>> I'm doing it. With a smile on my face, by the way. With a big fat smile.
I came home happy. My boys were happy to see me. I was happy to see them. I made them sandwiches the way they both like them. We drank egg nog, fooled with this phone I hope I will eventually like, went to bed early, and here I am bright and early on a Sunday morning letting you into a small window of my life on the other side of parenting. I am ready to start all the prep for Thanksgiving. I am making a banana cream pie for the first time per a request, and I couldn't be happier about that.
I will be getting away. Alone. A lot more.
49 is FAB. I'm guessing 50 will be glorious.
I love you.
All the time.
Thanks for taking this journey with me.
Jules.
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