Some would say that most people already know how to love themselves because its so evident in their arrogant, cocky, full of self, ways. How they talk about how great they are, or what they are doing, or brag about this job or that, or this college or that...like...I'm better than you because....(fill in the blank)..or my kid is better than yours because they are the best..(fill in the blank)...or they got into the best schools...or my baby sleeps longer, my house is bigger....ect....SELF Love.....
None of that is love at all.
And it is not loving yourself or loving your kids or loving others to sit around and brag.
That's not self love.
That's a comparison game that will suck the love right out of you. Every day. All the time.
Self love has to do with defending yourself. Believing you are wonderful no matter what anyone else is saying. Self love is realizing you have been created to be you, and your worth has absolutely NOTHING to do with your performance, where you go to college, what you eat, what size you are, where you work. Self love has nothing to do with that.
Some would say its easier to love others than to love ourselves because we quickly find fault with ourselves because we have believed the lies of performance based love we have lived with and have all been raised on. The thinking we have to DO to be accepted...that kind of love. If you believe in that kind of love you will always find fault with yourselves and others. NOTHING will ever be good enough or acceptable enough and you will never be happy even when you have successes. This is not love at all.
Love is one of my words for the year, Faithful is the other word. These are the concepts I am exploring this year that I want to infiltrate my life. When I began to look briefly over the past 6 months and think about what love truly encompasses, how do I show love when all I want to do is hate, what do I do when I am filled with a rage that I can do nothing about, and I feel helpless. What do I do when I feel misunderstood. I take a brief look at what love can look like.
To me, love is
the person who cleans lice out of your hair for hours, encouraging you all the way, saying its no big deal.
the person who calls you and says...your voice is weird..what is going on...skip the small talk..be you right now....
the people who call you out when your do something wrong or maybe I need to stop or start a behavior that would benefit my self love...like self care.....(ouch, I hate that, but its when I have experienced the most growth..ahem...Bill Cumming...)
love is not agreeing with every thing I say or do...challenge me
the person who greets you at the door with a hug, and an "I love you" just because. You did nothing but breathe today, you are here in our lives, we love you for showing up as YOU.
sacrificed time
Seeing me at my worst, the snotty, crying, angry me...but loving me to the other side of the snot.
Giving this kind of love comes as natural as breathing to me...I do not hold back. I praise, I accept, I congratulate, I give.
But accepting this kind of love.....this kind of raw from someone else and letting it in???? Now that is something I need to work on. Because in my efforts to give this kind of love, I have become tired because I have not regenerated myself by letting it back in.
Yesterday I sat and let it in. I let it in this week at Olive Garden. I let it in with my friend Cathy last night as we got all cozy on her bed and simply shared life. I let it in when Valerie McDougal texted me that she was up at 4 a.m. praying for me and my family. I let it in when Sue gave me a most fragrant candle and so when I burn that candle I will think of her loving me through that candle because she knows I love candles and good smells in my home. SHE KNOWS THIS.....
To be vulnerable enough to let someone really know you, even if you don't agree. To let people love you and stop thinking you have to DO to GET their love. That's not how love works. You don't have to do to get real love. You just have to BE.
I love you for BEing you. The you that gets up in the morning that is sad, mad, happy, peaceful. And so, because I can do that, I am going to start letting that kind of love in, and recognizing it for the gift it truly is. And that I don't have to earn it, ever. I just have to be open and willing for the exchange of this kind of love.
So, here we go....a new concept. a different day. a blessed moment.
And even though I may have always believed its better to give than receive, I have been the giver. I am a giver. I have expected nothing in return, or maybe I should reword that, I have been disappointed by the lack of acknowledgement...so I lied, I have wanted something in return. So...
2 things
Do without expecting a return, ever. (UGH)
Be able to let love in completely.
I love you all.
Thank you for coming alongside me on this 100 day journey and hearing my heart.
My broken, wanting, giving Heart.
Julie Erb Robbins
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