Many years ago after a grueling Mothers Day of preparation I decided, Enough was Enough. This is Mothers Day! Why am I slaving away, cooking, cleaning my house like a nut, shopping for the "perfect" Mothers Day gift. I was exhausted on the Morning Of Mothers Day. My daughters, at the time, were 2 and a 1/2 and 9 mos. old. I am the host in my family. They all like my entertaining qualities. Well, let me tell you, I was NOT feeling entertaining as I left that morning to go to church for My Day. When I look at the pictures from that day, I think, I know why you decided you were not spending another Mothers Day like that.
So,
What did I do?
The following year I invited my Mom and my sister out for lunch. I said, I am going, I would like you to come with me. I will treat. They did not know what to think about it. I was firm. I am going, alone, or you all can come with me. What, what about the girls? What about them? Every day in my house is Children's Day. Yes, they are what made me a Mother, but, I need to rest. This is my official, legislated by law, Day of Recognition & Rest. Part of resting for me is sitting and being waited on with food that is, uh hum, edible. No dishes, no preparing, no questions on how it is done, Just Sitting.
Okay, they went along with it.
My sister has since defected. She prefers to be a martyr. And I tell her that. She politely now tells me "no thank you" when I invite her to my day of Rest. She is choosing the coast this year. A nice drive to the coast. Sucker. You would not catch me in a car with 2 small children, one of which will scream the entire ride, on Mothers Day, my day of Rest. Enjoy little sister, enjoy. I will think of you as I am dining in peace and quiet.
The other night I had the opportunity to go to my friend Valerie's house for dinner. It was a be-lated birthday dinner, with only Valerie and myself in attendance. We dined on her wonderfully cooked steak, wilted salad, lima beans, and sweet potato. We then proceeded to her mothers place, where Eva had made me my favorite cookies, just that afternoon, just for me. It was simply divine. I sat, I talked, I ate, (good food), and was completely relaxed. I came home, Daniel was asleep, Carl and I watched a movie, it was divine.
Anyone who reads my blog, my posts, or even knows me at all, knows how much I love my kids. I take every chance I can to share that. I do not consciously plot to get away from them, but
on my day of Rest, Mothers Day, I DO.
If you have never tried it, I suggest you do.
Mom and I are going to try out Spectacular Events Center this year. They have a lovely brunch, for the price of $18. I treat her, that's her Mothers Day gift from me, and the time together to talk is lovely. We get dressed up, do a little extra to look pretty, she takes pictures, its quite nice.
Time is fleeting. Everything is not about death, but when your parents get older, you begin to think differently about your time with them. Who knows how many more Mothers days I will have with Mom. I pray many more, as I pray I will be around for my kids for a very long time.
I do enjoy my morning breakfast prepared by my kiddos. It has gotten increasingly better as the years have gone on. Carl knows how to make really good coffee now, so that's covered. The kind words in the cards they give me are a blessing as well.
And,
I am glad for my Day Of Rest called Mothers Day. My special day.
We even get gifts in church, it is very nice. One year, my favorite year of gifts, we got body wash, spray, and body butter from Mary Kay. Now, THAT WAS AWESOME!
Happy Mothers Day to all the Mothers and Kids out there.
Husbands, just because she's not your mother, doesn't mean you don't have to acknowledge the bearer of your offspring. Don't forget her!!! Carl has always made me feel special on Mothers Day. Thank you hubby.
Love, Julie
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
Blessed in the Nest. Everyone Wants a Piece of Me.
As I was laying in bed this a.m. one thought came to my mind. Everyone wants a piece of me. Good thing I am not skinny. But, for real. I didn't want to get up this morning. I was tired. It was only Wednesday. Can anyone else possibly relate? My shoulder/neck/back was in severe pain, and of course, I could not find the ibuprophen. I was wondering, how many more years of this feeling tired can I keep up?
Someone recently said to me they did not fit in anywhere. And then I thought about myself.
I don't really either.
I have 2 teenagers and a 22 month old baby. I have plenty of friends who have teens. I have plenty of friends who are my age with grown over 18 year old "adults" (if they will allow me to call their children that!;) ). I really had no friends with babies until 22 months ago. Actually, more like a year ago when I began my own Mommy group.
Yes, I began fishing for friends with babies, as I had none.
I had not been in the baby category in quite some time. (Oh, sorry Carolyn, you were my token friend with young children!;) ).
And then I realized why I am so tired.
I have a baby.
A now 22 month old baby. toddler. walker. loves the park, wants to be outside, even in the rain, boy.
This morning in bed I began to think.
What was I doing when Kristen was 22 months old? Well, I was 5 months pregnant with soon to be girl #2. I was enjoying my 3 other Mommy friends from Lamaze class, Aleyne, Sue, and Beth. We all had girls first, so it was really quite fun going to the play place at McDonald's in Old Town. I was going to a Tuesday a.m. Bible study in Bangor, traveling from Milo, then Howland, to attend this study. I was at home with Kristen, just moving into a home in Howland. Walking and hiking with her during the day. Getting together with friends, going to birthday parties of friends with kids, enjoying reading while Kristen had nap time, talking on the phone with other stay at home Moms while our kids slept.
And then I realized why I was so tired. It was like a lightning bolt hit me in the head.
I wasn't leading a Mommy's group so Daniel & I would have friends.
I wasn't leading 2 Bible studies a week.
I wasn't serving in children's ministries.
I wasn't teaching for Adult Literacy Volunteers.
I wasn't attending 2 events per week, either sporting or music for older children in the house.
I wasn't doing 20 loads of laundry a week, and what I mean by "doing" is washing & drying, and hoping it gets folded and put away.
I wasn't feeding 5 to 6 people nightly, full blown meals with dessert.
I wasn't trying to exercise to somehow save my fountain of youth.
I wasn't trying to counsel or mentor anyone.
I wasn't baking for the P.T.A. for sporting events.
and my husband was around, watching tv with me most nights and he did not seem to have as busy a schedule between work and church when Kristen was 22 months old.
Sigh.
At one point a couple of weeks ago my husband said to me, you know Julie. Your only "job" needs to be our home and the care you give to it and Daniel&girls.(and him, he never really thinks of himself). That can be enough.
Can it?
Will I have friends? Who will Daniel play with? Will he have only child syndrome if he is not "socialized" enough? What about a ministry? What about the fact I am a good teacher? I do have a lot to offer. I have experience in so many things. I want to encourage.
And then I began to realize that these were all things I did not give one little thought to 15 years ago. That girl/Mom was in a different place in her marriage, her spiritual development, in the amount of stress she thought she could handle. and SHE didn't think she was going to make it either on some days.
I am glad for growth. I am glad for opportunities. And I am glad for the ability to say no, I can't do that right now. I have a baby
and 2 teenagers.
I think I need to get some priorities in order. Slow down. Really evaluate what it is I need to be doing right now. I believe I am not the only Mom out there who has gotten caught up in the doing.
Deep breath little Robbin.
Deep breath Julie, Wife, Mom, Daughter, and Friend.
and while you are at it, take a nap occasionally.
Someone recently said to me they did not fit in anywhere. And then I thought about myself.
I don't really either.
I have 2 teenagers and a 22 month old baby. I have plenty of friends who have teens. I have plenty of friends who are my age with grown over 18 year old "adults" (if they will allow me to call their children that!;) ). I really had no friends with babies until 22 months ago. Actually, more like a year ago when I began my own Mommy group.
Yes, I began fishing for friends with babies, as I had none.
I had not been in the baby category in quite some time. (Oh, sorry Carolyn, you were my token friend with young children!;) ).
And then I realized why I am so tired.
I have a baby.
A now 22 month old baby. toddler. walker. loves the park, wants to be outside, even in the rain, boy.
This morning in bed I began to think.
What was I doing when Kristen was 22 months old? Well, I was 5 months pregnant with soon to be girl #2. I was enjoying my 3 other Mommy friends from Lamaze class, Aleyne, Sue, and Beth. We all had girls first, so it was really quite fun going to the play place at McDonald's in Old Town. I was going to a Tuesday a.m. Bible study in Bangor, traveling from Milo, then Howland, to attend this study. I was at home with Kristen, just moving into a home in Howland. Walking and hiking with her during the day. Getting together with friends, going to birthday parties of friends with kids, enjoying reading while Kristen had nap time, talking on the phone with other stay at home Moms while our kids slept.
And then I realized why I was so tired. It was like a lightning bolt hit me in the head.
I wasn't leading a Mommy's group so Daniel & I would have friends.
I wasn't leading 2 Bible studies a week.
I wasn't serving in children's ministries.
I wasn't teaching for Adult Literacy Volunteers.
I wasn't attending 2 events per week, either sporting or music for older children in the house.
I wasn't doing 20 loads of laundry a week, and what I mean by "doing" is washing & drying, and hoping it gets folded and put away.
I wasn't feeding 5 to 6 people nightly, full blown meals with dessert.
I wasn't trying to exercise to somehow save my fountain of youth.
I wasn't trying to counsel or mentor anyone.
I wasn't baking for the P.T.A. for sporting events.
and my husband was around, watching tv with me most nights and he did not seem to have as busy a schedule between work and church when Kristen was 22 months old.
Sigh.
At one point a couple of weeks ago my husband said to me, you know Julie. Your only "job" needs to be our home and the care you give to it and Daniel&girls.(and him, he never really thinks of himself). That can be enough.
Can it?
Will I have friends? Who will Daniel play with? Will he have only child syndrome if he is not "socialized" enough? What about a ministry? What about the fact I am a good teacher? I do have a lot to offer. I have experience in so many things. I want to encourage.
And then I began to realize that these were all things I did not give one little thought to 15 years ago. That girl/Mom was in a different place in her marriage, her spiritual development, in the amount of stress she thought she could handle. and SHE didn't think she was going to make it either on some days.
I am glad for growth. I am glad for opportunities. And I am glad for the ability to say no, I can't do that right now. I have a baby
and 2 teenagers.
I think I need to get some priorities in order. Slow down. Really evaluate what it is I need to be doing right now. I believe I am not the only Mom out there who has gotten caught up in the doing.
Deep breath little Robbin.
Deep breath Julie, Wife, Mom, Daughter, and Friend.
and while you are at it, take a nap occasionally.
Thursday, March 29, 2012
What about ADULT Bullying?
You know, with all the recent focus on kids being bullies, lets talk about adult bullies and what that looks like. Why am I bringing this up on my lovely Blessed In The Nest blog. Well, maybe it is because I think adults can be worse than kids.
What does adult bullying look like?
It can be very subtle. Especially among women. Maybe bullying is too strong of a word? Not sure, you can let me know. I can tell you what it feels like.
Lack of acceptance.
No boundaries, or not accepting the boundaries.
Digging comments. Thinking you are funny, well, YOU ARE NOT! and hopefully someone, someday will let you know how cutting and unacceptable your remarks really are. And unprofessional to boot!
Laughing at something someone is passionate about.
Making fun of others that aren't like you, don't look like you, or people who wear different styles of clothing than you and letting others know how stupid you think that person is because of their style choices.
Not taking no for an answer.
Being manipulative in your behavior or comments.
Always trying to get your own way, no matter what.
Saying inappropriate things and expecting people to laugh, and don't understand why anyone would correct you.
I think facebook opens up a world to secret bullies.
They can post their comments, however disparagingly, and push the "like" buttons of those who say mean comments and flee the scene, thinking no one is the wiser.
They can take pictures of people and post them on facebook for others to make fun.
And we wonder why kids become bullies?
Look in the mirror folks.
How loving are you to people who don't look like you, talk like you, make the money you do?
Do you turn your nose up at certain people who shop at certain stores?
Is your first impulse when you see someone out in public to look them up and down and up and down to make mental judgements against them FOR ANY REASON?
When are we going to get it begins with us and our attitudes? There is no way this society of kids is going to be different when the adults are out there bullying too.
I would rather live my life accepting others, having boundaries that are healthy, looking to love those that God sends my way. Call me polly anna, idealistic, unrealistic.
I am just plain saddened by what I have experienced today. Yup, Adult Bullies.
My prayer is always for the protection of my children's minds, soul, spirit, and body.
I am now going to consciously pray that prayer for myself.
If you are an adult bully, quit. Knock it Off.
If you are being bullied, stand your ground and adhere to your boundaries.
Eventually the bully will back off.
Here's to taking a stand for kindness, loving others, and holding people accountable.
Love, Julie
What does adult bullying look like?
It can be very subtle. Especially among women. Maybe bullying is too strong of a word? Not sure, you can let me know. I can tell you what it feels like.
Lack of acceptance.
No boundaries, or not accepting the boundaries.
Digging comments. Thinking you are funny, well, YOU ARE NOT! and hopefully someone, someday will let you know how cutting and unacceptable your remarks really are. And unprofessional to boot!
Laughing at something someone is passionate about.
Making fun of others that aren't like you, don't look like you, or people who wear different styles of clothing than you and letting others know how stupid you think that person is because of their style choices.
Not taking no for an answer.
Being manipulative in your behavior or comments.
Always trying to get your own way, no matter what.
Saying inappropriate things and expecting people to laugh, and don't understand why anyone would correct you.
I think facebook opens up a world to secret bullies.
They can post their comments, however disparagingly, and push the "like" buttons of those who say mean comments and flee the scene, thinking no one is the wiser.
They can take pictures of people and post them on facebook for others to make fun.
And we wonder why kids become bullies?
Look in the mirror folks.
How loving are you to people who don't look like you, talk like you, make the money you do?
Do you turn your nose up at certain people who shop at certain stores?
Is your first impulse when you see someone out in public to look them up and down and up and down to make mental judgements against them FOR ANY REASON?
When are we going to get it begins with us and our attitudes? There is no way this society of kids is going to be different when the adults are out there bullying too.
I would rather live my life accepting others, having boundaries that are healthy, looking to love those that God sends my way. Call me polly anna, idealistic, unrealistic.
I am just plain saddened by what I have experienced today. Yup, Adult Bullies.
My prayer is always for the protection of my children's minds, soul, spirit, and body.
I am now going to consciously pray that prayer for myself.
If you are an adult bully, quit. Knock it Off.
If you are being bullied, stand your ground and adhere to your boundaries.
Eventually the bully will back off.
Here's to taking a stand for kindness, loving others, and holding people accountable.
Love, Julie
No Sugar Added??????????
I am constantly listening to women complain about how they look.
I am so fat, my flab hangs over my jeans, watch it jiggle.
Off to the gym again, need to loose weight.
I will be an elephant if I eat one more cinnamon roll.
Does my butt look big, well, it is.
No sweets, no sugar, no carbs, no cake, no ice cream, and for goodness sake, put down that creamer you put in your coffee!
I have plowed through life in a body that has taken on many forms. I have had many many many moments of self loathing, wishing this was smaller, that was higher, those veins would disappear. Looking at women my age thinking, how the HECK are you so FREAKIN' skinny??? Like, do you eat? I really want to hate you, but you seem to be a nice person. I mean, I look at food and gain weight. I had a gym teacher friend tell me it was genetics, and pretty much starving yourself after you turn 40. And of course, all those Dr. Oz shows, Biggest Looser shows, anything with a before and after, and you think, HEY I could be that after, right???
And then one day I decided I would start running. Carl and I decided we would start running together! I could not believe it! We began going to the middle school track in Bangor. We would go bright and early with Daniel, our then 1 year old, with a baby jogger, and buzz around the track until I had worked my self up to running 2 miles, and Carl, 5 miles. Yeah, gotta love the ratio. My 2 to his 5 and both took the same amount of time, but, hey, we were moving. I loved our time together. That we were doing it together. And it felt fantastic.
Then November rolled around for me and it got cold-ish, and school started again for him, and we stopped. We talk about how we are going to start up again. My start up date is Monday April 2nd, and yes, that is right around the corner. My new goal is to work up to 3 miles, which is why I am starting sooner than Carl. I am hoping I won't have to pull out the snowsuit for Daniel on Monday so he wont be cold in the baby jogger, but, If I Must, I Must. I have goals.
Did I magically get skinny from my running. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I have accepted the fact that this practically 44 year old body is not moving in that direction. And I am okay with that. I do still look longingly at those skinny armed women. I cannot lie to you about that. Can they do lipo on the arms. I mean, that is all I am talking about, the arms. REALLY!;))))
So, if you are driving into the parking lot at William S. Cohen School, bright and early on Monday morning, you will see a Mom with a baby jogger who is beginning her journey back into exercise. You can wave, holler, but most of all, bring me a large coffee from McDonalds, xtra cream & xtra sugar, and I WILL love you forever!
Loving this Life in this Body!!!
Julie K. Robbins
I am so fat, my flab hangs over my jeans, watch it jiggle.
Off to the gym again, need to loose weight.
I will be an elephant if I eat one more cinnamon roll.
Does my butt look big, well, it is.
No sweets, no sugar, no carbs, no cake, no ice cream, and for goodness sake, put down that creamer you put in your coffee!
I have plowed through life in a body that has taken on many forms. I have had many many many moments of self loathing, wishing this was smaller, that was higher, those veins would disappear. Looking at women my age thinking, how the HECK are you so FREAKIN' skinny??? Like, do you eat? I really want to hate you, but you seem to be a nice person. I mean, I look at food and gain weight. I had a gym teacher friend tell me it was genetics, and pretty much starving yourself after you turn 40. And of course, all those Dr. Oz shows, Biggest Looser shows, anything with a before and after, and you think, HEY I could be that after, right???
And then one day I decided I would start running. Carl and I decided we would start running together! I could not believe it! We began going to the middle school track in Bangor. We would go bright and early with Daniel, our then 1 year old, with a baby jogger, and buzz around the track until I had worked my self up to running 2 miles, and Carl, 5 miles. Yeah, gotta love the ratio. My 2 to his 5 and both took the same amount of time, but, hey, we were moving. I loved our time together. That we were doing it together. And it felt fantastic.
Then November rolled around for me and it got cold-ish, and school started again for him, and we stopped. We talk about how we are going to start up again. My start up date is Monday April 2nd, and yes, that is right around the corner. My new goal is to work up to 3 miles, which is why I am starting sooner than Carl. I am hoping I won't have to pull out the snowsuit for Daniel on Monday so he wont be cold in the baby jogger, but, If I Must, I Must. I have goals.
Did I magically get skinny from my running. ABSOLUTELY NOT!!! I have accepted the fact that this practically 44 year old body is not moving in that direction. And I am okay with that. I do still look longingly at those skinny armed women. I cannot lie to you about that. Can they do lipo on the arms. I mean, that is all I am talking about, the arms. REALLY!;))))
So, if you are driving into the parking lot at William S. Cohen School, bright and early on Monday morning, you will see a Mom with a baby jogger who is beginning her journey back into exercise. You can wave, holler, but most of all, bring me a large coffee from McDonalds, xtra cream & xtra sugar, and I WILL love you forever!
Loving this Life in this Body!!!
Julie K. Robbins
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Teenager with a Boyfriend
When I was a young girl and had a boyfriend, I never gave much thought to my future. I was in many relationships because I loved boys. I found them easier to be around than females, however I did have female friends. I loved the way the boys made me laugh, I loved how they joined in with my happiness. I never compared myself to a boy, like, oh his thighs are smaller than mine, I wish I had his butt, I love his makeup, why am I so fat and why don't I look like him. Being with a boy was easier. I never compared myself to a boy. I was always comparing myself to my female friends. (In my perception) I was always fatter, taller, chunkier, less beautiful than all my friends. But, boys never made me feel this way. They all made me feel beautiful. I had one boyfriend in particular that I remember calling me "Gorgeous". He never called me Julie, it was always Gorgeous. For a long time I hated that word, gorgeous. We broke up, of course, and well, I just didn't like the word anymore. I always found boys more fun, more exciting, more daring. I probably made my more daring choices with boys. They did not worry as much as girls. They were never thinking, hey, I wonder what my Mother would say right now. They didn't care. They were having fun. All in good fun, until the eventual break up would happen, the sobbing (on my part, of course), the hating to be alone, and then finding another one to fill in the place. I hated being alone. Hated it. I found life much less exciting when alone. Hey, I am in confessional mode now, I can't believe I am the only girl who ever felt this way, but, if I am, oh well.
And then along comes my daughter with a boyfriend.
Now, they say, or I've been told, stuff will come up when your kids go through situations that have been unfinished business for you. What I am talking about is that, even though I can tell you all the fun I had with these boys, there was still lots of stuff that I had forgotten about, until.
Until my daughter got a boyfriend. Procured a boyfriend. Met a boyfriend. Whatever you want to call it. It has happened. And I am surprised by how much stuff I never dealt with.
I will ask Kristen questions and she will just look at me quizzically. Like, Mom,what are you talking about??? You're weird. I am weird because I have stuff, stuff that is coming up as a result of my "fun" boyfriends.
Now, not all of them were jerks. And actually, the ones I still see around and about have turned into fine men and fathers. I call many of them friends, still. And I am happy for them and their wives, life is good for most of us.
The weird part is my own insecurities I had buried until my daughter had this boyfriend, whom we will call Ryan, since that is his name.
Ryan and Kristen don't see each other every single day. Ryan goes to school and works. He is a very responsible kid. Kristen goes to school, goes to practice every day after school, and has homework. They text and see each other several times a week, usually here for dinner and a movie. I will ask her questions like, how is Ryan today. Good. What do you mean, good? What does good mean? Good, Mom. Did his day go alright, I guess. What do you mean, you guess? Mom, I don't need to know every detail of his day. Its good. Did you talk to him last night? No, he was with his friends having a sleepover. Why didn't you talk to him? Mom, why did I need to? He's busy.
And then my insecurities begin to surface. And I have noticed it, right away.
If someone didn't talk to me, I didn't think they liked me anymore.
If someone, a boy, didn't call me right away, it meant he was going to break up with me.
I fully expected to be ignored after a date if I saw the boy in public, because, that is what usually happened.
Oh, yeah, all that dating, REAL FUN.
I forgot about all those FUN parts, until my daughter got a boyfriend.
I have to try so hard not to project my rejection on my daughter.
Fortunately, she has made the decision, she only wants one boyfriend. She and Ryan were friends for a year, decided to hang out and see if they liked each other beyond friends, and also decided they weren't just trying each other out, that they wanted something that would last. A future.
I know what you are thinking, they are too young for this, but I say KUDOS for such responsible thinking.
Why do we have to try so many out to find "THE ONE"?
Carl was saying to me the other day, I wish I had met you when I was 18. Too much happened between 18 and 21. Too bad you weren't there first. I feel the same way, looking at it from an almost 44 year old perspective. Too Bad.
But, thankfully for BOTH of us, that is where the redemptive nature of our Creator comes in. Lots of mercy and grace, of which I am thankful for.
But, what about this boyfriend thing. Sigh. We continue to dodge the bullets, encourage, teach, offer our presence, live out our marriage before them, praying, that some day, when they make the final decision, they make beautiful choices.
And, for now, Mom has been working on her stuff. I am learning to forgive myself for my lack of perfection.haha. I am learning to be a secure woman, on my own, and as a wife and mom. I am no longer afraid of my boyfriend/husband leaving me. (Yes, that was a fear of mine for a very very very long time, and it had nothing to do with Carl). We all have stuff, if we are honest. My stuff is part of who I am, but it is not all of who I am. I am who I am because each day I can forgive myself, love myself, and see myself as God sees me, how He defines me in His loving ways.
So,
I say, pray for your kids. Love your kids. Allow your kids to become independent, they are going to grow up whether you want them to or not, and don't make your stuff something your kids have to re-live.
Deal with Your Stuff,
Love You!
Julie
.
And then along comes my daughter with a boyfriend.
Now, they say, or I've been told, stuff will come up when your kids go through situations that have been unfinished business for you. What I am talking about is that, even though I can tell you all the fun I had with these boys, there was still lots of stuff that I had forgotten about, until.
Until my daughter got a boyfriend. Procured a boyfriend. Met a boyfriend. Whatever you want to call it. It has happened. And I am surprised by how much stuff I never dealt with.
I will ask Kristen questions and she will just look at me quizzically. Like, Mom,what are you talking about??? You're weird. I am weird because I have stuff, stuff that is coming up as a result of my "fun" boyfriends.
Now, not all of them were jerks. And actually, the ones I still see around and about have turned into fine men and fathers. I call many of them friends, still. And I am happy for them and their wives, life is good for most of us.
The weird part is my own insecurities I had buried until my daughter had this boyfriend, whom we will call Ryan, since that is his name.
Ryan and Kristen don't see each other every single day. Ryan goes to school and works. He is a very responsible kid. Kristen goes to school, goes to practice every day after school, and has homework. They text and see each other several times a week, usually here for dinner and a movie. I will ask her questions like, how is Ryan today. Good. What do you mean, good? What does good mean? Good, Mom. Did his day go alright, I guess. What do you mean, you guess? Mom, I don't need to know every detail of his day. Its good. Did you talk to him last night? No, he was with his friends having a sleepover. Why didn't you talk to him? Mom, why did I need to? He's busy.
And then my insecurities begin to surface. And I have noticed it, right away.
If someone didn't talk to me, I didn't think they liked me anymore.
If someone, a boy, didn't call me right away, it meant he was going to break up with me.
I fully expected to be ignored after a date if I saw the boy in public, because, that is what usually happened.
Oh, yeah, all that dating, REAL FUN.
I forgot about all those FUN parts, until my daughter got a boyfriend.
I have to try so hard not to project my rejection on my daughter.
Fortunately, she has made the decision, she only wants one boyfriend. She and Ryan were friends for a year, decided to hang out and see if they liked each other beyond friends, and also decided they weren't just trying each other out, that they wanted something that would last. A future.
I know what you are thinking, they are too young for this, but I say KUDOS for such responsible thinking.
Why do we have to try so many out to find "THE ONE"?
Carl was saying to me the other day, I wish I had met you when I was 18. Too much happened between 18 and 21. Too bad you weren't there first. I feel the same way, looking at it from an almost 44 year old perspective. Too Bad.
But, thankfully for BOTH of us, that is where the redemptive nature of our Creator comes in. Lots of mercy and grace, of which I am thankful for.
But, what about this boyfriend thing. Sigh. We continue to dodge the bullets, encourage, teach, offer our presence, live out our marriage before them, praying, that some day, when they make the final decision, they make beautiful choices.
And, for now, Mom has been working on her stuff. I am learning to forgive myself for my lack of perfection.haha. I am learning to be a secure woman, on my own, and as a wife and mom. I am no longer afraid of my boyfriend/husband leaving me. (Yes, that was a fear of mine for a very very very long time, and it had nothing to do with Carl). We all have stuff, if we are honest. My stuff is part of who I am, but it is not all of who I am. I am who I am because each day I can forgive myself, love myself, and see myself as God sees me, how He defines me in His loving ways.
So,
I say, pray for your kids. Love your kids. Allow your kids to become independent, they are going to grow up whether you want them to or not, and don't make your stuff something your kids have to re-live.
Deal with Your Stuff,
Love You!
Julie
.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Mad Love doesn't have to END! Oh YEAh! To all the Mad Lovers out there!
Apparently this is Love Your Husband Week.
Wow. They only get one week, huh? Maybe that's why so many of them are "squirrelly", as I have heard one reference to men who are married and not able to "partake" of the fruit, if you know what I mean.bahahaha.
I was dreaming about my husband last night and I was blogging in my dream. I was dreaming about how we met. I have begun thinking more and more about our dating relationship because my oldest daughter has a boyfriend. Whom we love very much btws.
My husband and I met almost 25 years ago, precisely 25 years ago this March 7, 2012. On March 7th, 1987, I went out for the night with some girlfriends, Renee Clifford, Denise Pope, and Jennifer Rancourt. We went to a club called "2002". Now back in 1987, 2002, seemed light years away, and what would we be at that age? 40? I mean, that is practically dead when you are 18 almost 19. Would we all even make it to the year 2002? I don't know, but all us girls were looking our hottest, hoping to get asked to dance. Oh yeah. I never had to find someone to dance with, I was always being asked.
From across the room a boy spotted me. Not really a boy, he was 21 at the time, and just a wee bit buzzed from his wine coolers he had consumed in the parking lot. The club was a non-alcohol club for 18 to 21 year olds. You couldn't be older than 21 and get in. But, he spotted me there with my really beautiful girlfriends, sitting at a table, and thought, she looks like she would say no to me, so, if she says yes, well then, that would be pure awesomeness. Along came Carl, and oh yeah, I said yes.
I remember how he looked that night. He was wearing Levis & a white cottony dress shirt. I instantly loved his blue eyes, his blond hair, and his skin color. It was a golden brown. He had an awesome smile. So very innocent looking. (bahahahahaha--watch out for those innocent looking ones, they NEVER are!). We immediately had a connection. There was something about Carl, something at the time I was instantaneously drawn to. He had a data bank watch, which he showed me, and proceeded to put my # into his watch. A good sign, I thought, maybe he will call me. He also gave me his political button that said "Boothby/ Robbins: policy, not promises". He and Chris Boothby had run for office on UMaine campus and had won. Carl was vice president of student government and president of the senate at the time. I thought it was very cool. I put that pin in my pocket, really hoping I would see and hear from this guy again.
Well, I did see him again. He came into my work place, Service Merchandise, and asked me out. He says, he remembers the day he walked in there to ask me out. A little nervous, but when he saw me, he thought, could this girl possibly be mine someday? He said he just could not get over how beautiful I was, standing there, saying yes, I will go out with you. His wheels were turning.
We went out. We went to the lamest movie ever. "Manequin". Oh my. We watched this movie recently, or tried to. Talk about lame. LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!! We had to shut it off after 30 minutes. But, true to my nature at the time, I laughed all the way through it. I was always laughing. I found life funny. I was actually labelled by one boyfriends parents as "the giggler". They could hear me through their house laughing, and always wondered, what is she laughing at???
Carl has told me many times that on the night he met me, he KNEW. He KNEW. I was it. It was just a matter of time before he could convince me of it. But what he would come to find out was that I knew it to.
Now, to say there were not turbulent times in our dating would be a lie.
To say there weren't times of "What the bleep are you thinking!!" would be a lie.
I remember a drive I took with Greg Potter once. Greg ended up being the best man in our wedding. I don't even know if he remembers this. But, he came and got me and said, don't break up with Carl. Trust me on this. You are the only person in his life EVER that has loved him unconditionally. You bring out the best in him. I don't know what he will do without you. Just give him another chance. He loves you so much.
I am glad to this day for Greg Potter. He was aptly placed in our wedding as best man.
One of the attributes I believe has sustained our marriage through these crazy times is that Mad Love we have always had for each other. I believe it happened from the very beginning. Now, I know some of you would say, Oh that was LUST, Julie, not Love. Well, a little lust never hurt anyone, and it keeps life a little spicy.
But, I don't think Lust will keep you going for almost 25 years.
Fate, divine intervention, serendipity, Carl has told many I was his angel that night.
Was youth on our side, I think it was.
We have grown up together. We worked out our brat phase together. We learned how to become unselfish, and uncritical. That our opinions do matter, however, if it doesn't bless the hearer, we wait, and pray, and let God take care of it, or we forget about it.
I love my roses for no reason that appear in the kitchen, even when it seems we can't afford diapers.
I love my coffee brewing in the morning before I get downstairs.
I love that we began running together this summer, and plan to start in the spring again, together.
Oh, and do I love riding on the back of his motorcycle. Oh yes, and I thought it was cool way back in 1987.
There is something to be said for young MAD LOVE, and adult Mad Love.
I am hoping for this young Mad, Intoxicating, Unconditional, Relevant, Unselfish, Love for my daughters and son.
And I am hoping for sustaining, enduring, adult Mad Love for them as well.
I love you Carl Joseph Robbins! May you never be squirrelly!:) and yes, this is a whole lot of PDA on facebook!;)))
XO, Wifey
Wow. They only get one week, huh? Maybe that's why so many of them are "squirrelly", as I have heard one reference to men who are married and not able to "partake" of the fruit, if you know what I mean.bahahaha.
I was dreaming about my husband last night and I was blogging in my dream. I was dreaming about how we met. I have begun thinking more and more about our dating relationship because my oldest daughter has a boyfriend. Whom we love very much btws.
My husband and I met almost 25 years ago, precisely 25 years ago this March 7, 2012. On March 7th, 1987, I went out for the night with some girlfriends, Renee Clifford, Denise Pope, and Jennifer Rancourt. We went to a club called "2002". Now back in 1987, 2002, seemed light years away, and what would we be at that age? 40? I mean, that is practically dead when you are 18 almost 19. Would we all even make it to the year 2002? I don't know, but all us girls were looking our hottest, hoping to get asked to dance. Oh yeah. I never had to find someone to dance with, I was always being asked.
From across the room a boy spotted me. Not really a boy, he was 21 at the time, and just a wee bit buzzed from his wine coolers he had consumed in the parking lot. The club was a non-alcohol club for 18 to 21 year olds. You couldn't be older than 21 and get in. But, he spotted me there with my really beautiful girlfriends, sitting at a table, and thought, she looks like she would say no to me, so, if she says yes, well then, that would be pure awesomeness. Along came Carl, and oh yeah, I said yes.
I remember how he looked that night. He was wearing Levis & a white cottony dress shirt. I instantly loved his blue eyes, his blond hair, and his skin color. It was a golden brown. He had an awesome smile. So very innocent looking. (bahahahahaha--watch out for those innocent looking ones, they NEVER are!). We immediately had a connection. There was something about Carl, something at the time I was instantaneously drawn to. He had a data bank watch, which he showed me, and proceeded to put my # into his watch. A good sign, I thought, maybe he will call me. He also gave me his political button that said "Boothby/ Robbins: policy, not promises". He and Chris Boothby had run for office on UMaine campus and had won. Carl was vice president of student government and president of the senate at the time. I thought it was very cool. I put that pin in my pocket, really hoping I would see and hear from this guy again.
Well, I did see him again. He came into my work place, Service Merchandise, and asked me out. He says, he remembers the day he walked in there to ask me out. A little nervous, but when he saw me, he thought, could this girl possibly be mine someday? He said he just could not get over how beautiful I was, standing there, saying yes, I will go out with you. His wheels were turning.
We went out. We went to the lamest movie ever. "Manequin". Oh my. We watched this movie recently, or tried to. Talk about lame. LAME, LAME, LAME!!!!! We had to shut it off after 30 minutes. But, true to my nature at the time, I laughed all the way through it. I was always laughing. I found life funny. I was actually labelled by one boyfriends parents as "the giggler". They could hear me through their house laughing, and always wondered, what is she laughing at???
Carl has told me many times that on the night he met me, he KNEW. He KNEW. I was it. It was just a matter of time before he could convince me of it. But what he would come to find out was that I knew it to.
Now, to say there were not turbulent times in our dating would be a lie.
To say there weren't times of "What the bleep are you thinking!!" would be a lie.
I remember a drive I took with Greg Potter once. Greg ended up being the best man in our wedding. I don't even know if he remembers this. But, he came and got me and said, don't break up with Carl. Trust me on this. You are the only person in his life EVER that has loved him unconditionally. You bring out the best in him. I don't know what he will do without you. Just give him another chance. He loves you so much.
I am glad to this day for Greg Potter. He was aptly placed in our wedding as best man.
One of the attributes I believe has sustained our marriage through these crazy times is that Mad Love we have always had for each other. I believe it happened from the very beginning. Now, I know some of you would say, Oh that was LUST, Julie, not Love. Well, a little lust never hurt anyone, and it keeps life a little spicy.
But, I don't think Lust will keep you going for almost 25 years.
Fate, divine intervention, serendipity, Carl has told many I was his angel that night.
Was youth on our side, I think it was.
We have grown up together. We worked out our brat phase together. We learned how to become unselfish, and uncritical. That our opinions do matter, however, if it doesn't bless the hearer, we wait, and pray, and let God take care of it, or we forget about it.
I love my roses for no reason that appear in the kitchen, even when it seems we can't afford diapers.
I love my coffee brewing in the morning before I get downstairs.
I love that we began running together this summer, and plan to start in the spring again, together.
Oh, and do I love riding on the back of his motorcycle. Oh yes, and I thought it was cool way back in 1987.
There is something to be said for young MAD LOVE, and adult Mad Love.
I am hoping for this young Mad, Intoxicating, Unconditional, Relevant, Unselfish, Love for my daughters and son.
And I am hoping for sustaining, enduring, adult Mad Love for them as well.
I love you Carl Joseph Robbins! May you never be squirrelly!:) and yes, this is a whole lot of PDA on facebook!;)))
XO, Wifey
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Teenagers, Not So Sure About This Phase
I made a secret confession to first my girlfriend, Valerie, then soon to follow, Sue M., who has 2 daughters, just like me, 2 years apart. I said it in a whisper, as I was feeling guilty before it even left my throat to travel over my tongue, and then out into the universe. I am not liking this phase, AT ALL. NOPE, not at all. There, that's my confession. Don't judge me, especially if you don't have teenagers yet. Or, maybe you are one of those Moms(or Dads) who have the perfect teens, they have been properly behavior modified with adequate amounts of spanking, time outs, deprivations of every kind, no friends, and well, maybe they just plain idolize you as their Mom(or Dad). To you parents, just feel sorry for me.
I have spent oodles of time over the past 16 years creating happy memories for my family. I have the pictures and videos to prove it! REALLY I DO! I have stubs from events attended, that some day, when I have loads of time, I will scrapbook every single scrap, I promise. I have not missed a concert, barely a soccer game, or cross country meet. I have volunteered in their classrooms, driven them to school when they hated the bus, (actually, it was MOM who hated the bus, but that is for another blog), was their cheerleader when they came home from school with warm cookies and a tender ear to listen to many a tale of woa.
And, quite frankly, held some of the best birthday parties I have ever attended in the history of birthday parties.
Sigh.
And now, well, now, it seems on days like these, it was all a wash. Did I do any of that stuff? Really? Did I nag my family to cut down our Christmas tree each year and have hot donuts and cider from Piper Mountain Tree farm all for naught? Our trips to Florida, splashing in our favorite waterpark, Nautica, did that really happen, or was I dreaming? We were all smiling in our photos. Around the campfires, roasting marshmellows, everyone LOOKED happy. Sigh.
Then this phase had to happen.
Is it because we are all females, vying for that Alpha Female position? Is it because I did not raise "Yes" Women, and they have an opinion and now it is coming back to bite me? How's about a round of "Yes, Mommy, whatever YOU say, MOMMY!" Hey, that would be a great birthday/Mother's Day combo present.
What is good about having teenagers? Let me ponder.
Well, if you have girls, they brush their own teeth and shower daily, sometimes more than once.
My 16 year old just opened her own checking/savings account with a debit card with Christmas money from Gumpy and Uncle Bill.
My 14 year old was dropped off by me at the mall the other day with a friend. And YES, I did the dropping off. Carl said, I'm impressed, I can't believe you did that. Are you worried? And I answered honestly, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. Who would steal her, they would return her in 5 minutes as she argued every good reason why she was a bad pick.
They do all their homework on their own, with nary a question for help.
I like the new boyfriend, he is very useful. He has drills in his car and knows how to use them.
They head off to school each day, getting up, on their own, set up their own schedule, one gets up at 5:45a.m. the other at 6a.m. so they can shower, eat breakfast, pack their own lunch, and head out the door between 7 and 7:15 a.m. for their various activities before school. Then they go to school, and participate in after school in activities with their peers, having a positive impact on their school communities.
Sigh,
I guess its not the teenagers I don't like, I guess I don't like the passing of the phase that needs Momma. Or they need me in different ways, like, Mom, can you pick up my shavers, like TODAY! Whatever happened to Dollar Store shavers, like in my day.......
I guess that's why I am enjoying the boy who doesn't sleep (hahahaha) so much.
I am still glad their friends come over. I am glad I get a weekly meal or 2 with them.
But, this was all bound to happen. It is a normal part of growing up. Cutting that proverbial umbilical cord if you will. I just want a little more pleasantness, just a little more adoration of Mom that I used to see in their cute little faces like Daniel's, maybe an occasional hug and kiss that I don't have to beg for? Is this possible?
I could maybe be happy for parents out there who have subservient teens,
but, they don't live at my house that way. They have lots of Moxy. And, yup, I put it there. I spoon fed my kids Moxy. It did not help them sleep any better either.
Sigh,
I will make it, and so will they, those teenager girls of mine.
Love to all friends and parents who teach teenagers, have teenagers, and have lived through the teenager years to come on the other side and tell me it will be better than OKAY.
And yes, I could potentially miss these years!
Blessed in the Nest,
Julie
I have spent oodles of time over the past 16 years creating happy memories for my family. I have the pictures and videos to prove it! REALLY I DO! I have stubs from events attended, that some day, when I have loads of time, I will scrapbook every single scrap, I promise. I have not missed a concert, barely a soccer game, or cross country meet. I have volunteered in their classrooms, driven them to school when they hated the bus, (actually, it was MOM who hated the bus, but that is for another blog), was their cheerleader when they came home from school with warm cookies and a tender ear to listen to many a tale of woa.
And, quite frankly, held some of the best birthday parties I have ever attended in the history of birthday parties.
Sigh.
And now, well, now, it seems on days like these, it was all a wash. Did I do any of that stuff? Really? Did I nag my family to cut down our Christmas tree each year and have hot donuts and cider from Piper Mountain Tree farm all for naught? Our trips to Florida, splashing in our favorite waterpark, Nautica, did that really happen, or was I dreaming? We were all smiling in our photos. Around the campfires, roasting marshmellows, everyone LOOKED happy. Sigh.
Then this phase had to happen.
Is it because we are all females, vying for that Alpha Female position? Is it because I did not raise "Yes" Women, and they have an opinion and now it is coming back to bite me? How's about a round of "Yes, Mommy, whatever YOU say, MOMMY!" Hey, that would be a great birthday/Mother's Day combo present.
What is good about having teenagers? Let me ponder.
Well, if you have girls, they brush their own teeth and shower daily, sometimes more than once.
My 16 year old just opened her own checking/savings account with a debit card with Christmas money from Gumpy and Uncle Bill.
My 14 year old was dropped off by me at the mall the other day with a friend. And YES, I did the dropping off. Carl said, I'm impressed, I can't believe you did that. Are you worried? And I answered honestly, NOT ONE LITTLE BIT. Who would steal her, they would return her in 5 minutes as she argued every good reason why she was a bad pick.
They do all their homework on their own, with nary a question for help.
I like the new boyfriend, he is very useful. He has drills in his car and knows how to use them.
They head off to school each day, getting up, on their own, set up their own schedule, one gets up at 5:45a.m. the other at 6a.m. so they can shower, eat breakfast, pack their own lunch, and head out the door between 7 and 7:15 a.m. for their various activities before school. Then they go to school, and participate in after school in activities with their peers, having a positive impact on their school communities.
Sigh,
I guess its not the teenagers I don't like, I guess I don't like the passing of the phase that needs Momma. Or they need me in different ways, like, Mom, can you pick up my shavers, like TODAY! Whatever happened to Dollar Store shavers, like in my day.......
I guess that's why I am enjoying the boy who doesn't sleep (hahahaha) so much.
I am still glad their friends come over. I am glad I get a weekly meal or 2 with them.
But, this was all bound to happen. It is a normal part of growing up. Cutting that proverbial umbilical cord if you will. I just want a little more pleasantness, just a little more adoration of Mom that I used to see in their cute little faces like Daniel's, maybe an occasional hug and kiss that I don't have to beg for? Is this possible?
I could maybe be happy for parents out there who have subservient teens,
but, they don't live at my house that way. They have lots of Moxy. And, yup, I put it there. I spoon fed my kids Moxy. It did not help them sleep any better either.
Sigh,
I will make it, and so will they, those teenager girls of mine.
Love to all friends and parents who teach teenagers, have teenagers, and have lived through the teenager years to come on the other side and tell me it will be better than OKAY.
And yes, I could potentially miss these years!
Blessed in the Nest,
Julie
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