FULL MOON.........

Don't we all occasionally want to blame how we feel on someone else? I mean, come on. If it were just me, myself, and I, we all would be happy each day, right??????

I woke up this morning at 3:15a.m. truly pissed. Waking up pissed is not my par usual, but, I did. I was awoken by thoughts of how I could do some people in to get a reaction. Seriously. Me. The person that loves everyone is  wanting people to suffer in her dreams that wake her up. I can't explain it. I'm just tired. I feel tired. You know why?

I'm tired of being used.

Yup.

I just said it.

I honor everyone. I celebrate everyone like no other person I know. You don't even have to be  my flesh and blood for me to honor and celebrate and do good for you. I consider so many people family. I adopt people, and once I adopt them, that's it. I take care of people. Right now, I'm taking care of a 6 year old, making sure he's had breakfast, is taking a tub so when he goes to school his fingernails aren't dirty. (I hate dirty fingernails..... HATE THEM....I hate seeing them too, btw, on my students, but, whatever, everyone has a pet peeve, you now know mine!) I made coffee this morning because I want it, and hubster needs to take it to work. I make beautiful dinners, even now for just us 3, with candle light, drinking out of pretty glasses types of dinners. It used to make me the saddest for the longest time that only 3 were sitting at the table, I missed the other 4, plus the baby. But, I'm ok now with 3. I'm teaching life lessons, even this morning. Son, 2 washclothes, one for your body scrubbing, one for your face and ears. Nary the twane shall meet. Nothing that touches your butt crack should touch your ears...hello...Mother of the Year Award here. And I go to work, every single day, and serve one of the neediest populations in school...Kindergartners. Kindergartners that are not only sent to me to learn to read, but, I've been told, You Just Have A Way about YOU. I know you will teach them, and love on them, and they need it. I send you the needy ones on purpose.

I say all this not for sympathy or even empathy. I'm having a pissy, full moon, moment. Pissed. Just pissed.
I simply can't take conflict any more, I'm tired of demands, I sick to death of people who take and do not give back, I'm tired of people who have THE WORST communication skills and treat others like shit, and by others, I mean me. I'm sick to death of Mothers Day being the one day to make up for the other 364 damn days. And I have "mothered" far more people than I birthed....FAR MORE. Do I get a "thank You for all the trips?" I checked in to over 26!!!! Places in the past year. 26! As I am running and driving and taking vacations and friggin flying across the country for other people's kids (whom I love) do I get a thank you?? Full Moon people, full moon.

Will I make a turn around by the end of the day people? Yes. Don't worry. I will make a turn around in exactly 5 minutes after I get out of the shower. I'm simply sharing some real with you is all. Not to worry. And, another thing you need to know about me?

I will always love you, even when I'm pissed. I will greet you with a hug. I will feed you. And all that pissy-ness always always always melts away when I hear your voice, or see your face, or think good thoughts about you. All of you. I'm truly a marshmellow. But remember, marshmellows melt in the heat of the fire and we are very fragile, even though we appear strong.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

Love to All
I hope you still love me.

Julie Erb Robbins