The concept of faith, or having faith, is critical to one's belief system. I was recently talking to my friend Valerie and after listening to me for a few moments she said, "Julie, you need to have faith. Whats that saying, Faith in things unseen...believing..?" So I googled those words, and what do you know, its in the Bible.
Don't judge me because I forgot that or didn't know it. There have been many times, I'm like, oh, that's in there? Like, those words? Yes, I may have gone to church for a better part of my life, but I'm still amazed that "those words are in there?" from time to time.
Here's the actual verse. Its from Hebrews 11:1. I like the New Living Translation because it sounds like real people talking to me. Just my preference.
"Faith is the confidence that what we hope for will actually happen; it gives us assurance about things we cannot see."
Having confidence in something I cannot see? Hoping something good will actually happen?
I can understand why my friend Valerie told me to have faith.
We don't live life with any amount of faith. We want to see something happen, immediately. We don't want to wait for things to mature, grow, lay dormant, take time, requiring patience and a belief that everything will work out and be okay. Just have a little faith.
The beginning song is somewhat foolish when comparing it to having a deep abiding belief in something one cannot see, but might have experienced. Hoping for something requires hope. Hope requires faith. Faith requires trust in something unseen, maybe a gut sense, or a previous experience that let us know, this is it. But time, space, waiting, disappointments, has clouded my hope and faith in anything or anyone. That happens. That has happened to me. I have lost faith at times recently. I could not believe in the good. I doubted that God cared at all.
There are simply some life experiences we allow to rob our core belief that humanity is good. Or that my life matters. Or that what sucks now will work out later, have a little faith...trust me. Give me another chance to let me prove you can trust me....wait, what? I have issues with trust as well, which would explain my seemingly small amount of faith in anything or anyone I cannot see immediate outcome from. It was tortureous to be pregnant for nine months and trust and have faith I was going to have an actual live baby that I would hold. My previous experience of loss did not allow for me to even believe Kristen was healthy and alive even after having actual proof she was fine after seeing the ultrasound. I still went home and cried. I wanted more proof she would be alive and not die. I remember standing in the basement of our appartment on the corner of Birch and Howard Street, just crying as I was doing laundry. Carl came in the basement to find me and say, Whats the matter? We got our proof. We saw the ultrasound. She is okay, Julie...for some reason I just could not believe it. He finally said to me..Julie, at some point, you are going to have trust God that she will be okay. I can't make you do that, but you will have to exercise your faith and simply believe. Heavy sigh. I remember that moment like it was yesterday, and its going on 22 years ago....
Have faith, believe, trust. gah....such huge concepts. HUGE.
It sounds odd to say to someone, I have faith in that person, even though I see no evidence they are going to do the right things...but...isn't that where faith comes in? In the belief that things, no matter what, will work out. Having hope that what seeds that have been planted that may seem buried and dormant will bloom?
We set up so many road blocks to faith. We want evidence. We want immediate proof. We don't want to wait. We don't want to be patient. We don't want to mature. Immediate, microwave, fast food, information on demand, proof of faith. Well, none of that requires faith at all. It required us controlling everything in life to get the outcomes we want, but holy mother of God Mary, if we don't get our immediate responses (I know you saw that message, why are you not responding? what about that text...come on, its been a minute..) to..I don't want to work on this relationship, she pissed me off today, I don't want to wade through the mire to make it better, I want something different. I have an addiction..I don't want to take all the time it would take to wean me off my substance of choice, that might cause me pain. I want to be better now. I want to eat now. I want to see everything fixed now. That test? I don't want to study hours to get an A, I just want the A. I need to get an A. now.
How many moments have I missed on the way to something else that didn't require me to have faith?
Faith that my children would be born and be fine as I was told.
Faith that when they grew up that would be fine people who were with fine people.
Faith that Mom will be okay, even if she forgets some short term memory stuff.
I need some assurances about things I don't see. I need some hope. I need to see something, even just a small sign that God cares about my children. About their futures. That this crazy world will not rob us anymore of our time or our talents.
Have Faith. Have Hope. Be Confident of something unseen.
Tall order.
I can't control that........ugh.
I've got a gut feeling of knowing, but I just can't see it right now.
Have Faith. Hebrews 11:1.
Okay, deep breathe.
I'll keep you posted on this faith thing. Its harder than you think for a person who wants constant reassurance and proof. Realllllllyyyyyy hard.
I love you,
Julie Erb Robbins
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