We love vacations. We don't have to get out of bed. We can do what we want. We can reconnect from our busy work schedules and just hang out. Christmas break has always provided that for us.
This morning after a chill start, have not even gotten out of bed, I need a shower kind of day, I said to him...
"Did you ever think you would love me this much?"
"Julie, I loved you from DAY 1. I saw you, and thought, I love this girl. I don't believe a word coming out of her mouth, but I didn't care. You had me on day 1. I just wasn't going to tell you. The only reason I could approach you is I was buzzed. You were the most beautiful girl I had ever spoken to. I would never have had the courage to talk to you sober, let alone dance all night with you..."
thus began US.
In a club, buzzed, in downtown Bangor, Maine.
"Why are we still together?" I asked.
"Because, we are proof life does not suck and then you die." replied Carl. I still want you every day. I still need you every day. In this messed up world you stand by me, every day. I admire you. Every day.
"What about that, you didn't believe a word I said?"
oh, that was just, well most of what you said. All that God stuff. I was like, oh well, she's so gorgeous I really don't care for what she believes, or thinks, but ohmygod, she's amazing...remember when I argued with that pastor when he preached against dancing? (I was raised in a church that believed dancing was a sin...and alcohol consumption was a sin...which is really seriously laughable in a way because when I met Carl he was drunk and dancing and I LOVED IT>>>) My point with your pastor at the time was...I met Julie. In a club, while I was buzzed, and my life is better. Had I not met her, I have no idea where I would be today. So, please don't tell me you can only find the one you love in a perfectly crafted environment. NO one is that perfect. Carl stood up for US, to someone who eventually married us. Take that.
We never consulted our parents or friends about US. EVER. Of course, there were nay sayers. People, since the beginning of time, have felt the need to tell other people how to live. I mean, if the snake in the garden of Eden had just kept his pie hole shut we could all still be running around naked, living in harmony with man and animals, be vegetarians, and live blissfully, happily ever after...but noooo....Eve had to listen to that snake's opinion, pass on that opinion to Adam, and walah, tragedy ensued. Honestly, Lesson to all? Don't listen to other people....follow YOUR HEART...how much tragedy could be avoided if everyone shut their pie holes, and let people be.
Carl said, well, I was so attracted to you. I could not even believe you went out with me. You were confident. You were smart. You could talk to anyone. You were sooooo beautiful. Lets face it, attraction ruled to day for us. I was in love with you from DAY 1.
Did that love prevent tragedy? NOPE. Did that love change our brat phase? NOPE. Did love keep up from fighting? NOPE. Did that love keep us from making bad decisions? NOPE.
What did it do for us? That crazy mad love?
Over time, TIME...lots and lots and lots of time, trial and error, time...changed us both.
Carl began to desire less chaos, I began to desire less order.
Carl became more conservative, I threw caution to the wind.
Carl learned he could trust, I became more loving.
Our need to be right diminished.
We both decided to stop lying to ourselves. We never really cared what other people thought, but to each other, we had to be honest, and our truth is constantly changing. And, through maturity, and respect, we don't have to have the same truth to love each other. It can be completely different. And its ok.
I don't have to change Carl, and he accepts my crazy talk about God stuff he still doesn't get, and he DOES NOT HAVE TO...I'm good with that.
We have a partnership, not a dictatorship. No one is right all the time, no one is wrong all the time.
We can have shitty days, and go to bed and make it all right.
One thing we have always tried to do...Never go to bed angry. Say I LOVE YOU even if I don't agree with a word coming out of your mouth... I LOVE YOU>>>> you can always count on that.
We are messy people. We express how we feel. We love deeply. We have cried together over losses because we love people that much. So what if that's weird. WE really don't care what other people think because the people who get our kind of love, love our kind of love. We are flawed people. We have made some bad decisions. We've been raked over the coals. I was referred to at one point as Carl's defender. I never put up with anyone putting him down. I will stick up for him whether I believe it or not because I love him. I always have. I would fight and die for him, as he would me. I know his back story, and he's a pretty damn amazing human being. He knows mine, and he honestly says he does not know how he got so lucky. But, I remind him, I feel the same exact way. We have changed each other for the better.
So, Life Does Not Suck and then you Die.
Relationships can last.
You will fight, you will disagree.
You will not believe a single word coming out of someone's mouth at some points.
There is totally a fine line between love and hate. The most passionate people can love and hate each other all in the same moment, same hour, same day. Its that passion that keeps you going for 30 years.
Second chances (sometimes much more) are a must in ANY RELATIONSHIP.
The grass is not greener some where else, take care of your own grass.
Don't listen to negative friends, parents, co workers. That's bullshit. Live your own life.I am so glad I never listened to other peoples bullshit. And I'm glad Carl did not listen either. People always have plenty to say...don't listen. I hate to this day when people say..."Your not gonna like me saying this..buttttt...." oh, shut up, let me save you...I don't want to listen to what you are going to say...you have no idea what I am going through...thanks, but no thanks, stop talking and giving advice and saying negative things about the people I love..." Conversation over.
Why are we together? Because we decided to Love each other on the days we hated each other.
We decided to let the other person have their own journey, no changing each other.
We decided to support each other no matter what.
We decide every day to make a connection, whether it be physical, emotional, intellectual, spiritual. We connect. Every day.
We decided to say Im Sorry, please forgive me for being a bitch, or a bastard, and everything in between. We don't look for perfection in a human being, letting you be you, and me be me.
We do not have to agree, but we do have to respect the other person.
We choose resolutions and solutions.
We give in. We forgive. We move on, keeping no record of wrongs.
Its easy to get angry, its hard to love, no matter what.
I was angry, he was scared...we both had to quell fear and temper..haven't perfected that, but we apologize when either rear its ugly head...
Just a couple of insights from our Nest to yours. We love you all. We started in club. We are in a respectable home in Bangor. Never say Never. Thats just code for "Challenge accepted."
I love you.
That will never change.
Ever....
3/7/87...best day of my life, and I didn't even know it.
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