Seinfeld episode....trying to make sense of something, but keeping calm, but really thinking.....WTH?!
But here's the thing.....
I have no control. Part of being serene is accepting you have no control. So I composed a list of things I have absolutely no control over.
1. I have no control over you.
2. I have no control over what you say.
3. or what you do.
4. or what you think.
5 or how you gossip and spread untruths.
6. I have no control over how you treat me, or my family.
7. I have no control over your response or lack of response.
8. I have no control of how you make bad choices. I can't fix them. Only you can.
9. I can't make anyone right their wrongs, give a sweet shit if they have hurt someone, care if they are missed.
10. I can't make anyone CARE about ANYTHING....
11. I can't make anyone keep their promises or commitments.
12. I can't change a person's focus and make them see what is really important.
13. I can't stop people from listening to shitty people say shitty things about shit.
14. I can't stop controlling people from....wait for it...controlling people.
15. I can't fix bad parenting.
16. I can't love someone enough if they don't believe they are worthy of the love, or if its questioned at every turn. I can't change misinterpretations of the love.
17. I have no control over someones jealousy, which creates more jealousy.
18. I can't make people be grateful.
19. I can't make people say thank you, or feel honored, or remember all the good that has been done for them if they choose to focus on the negative.
20. I can't stop people from lying, ever.
21. I can't stop gossip.
I may question, WHAT IS GOING ON??? And seek "serenity" here like Kramer, but all joking aside...
I have to accept all these consequences of loving people. All of these potential scenes happen every single day, in every single relationship you will ever have, and it does not matter how much love, time, energy, money, heart, soul, LOVE LOVE LOVE, investment, acceptance, you have poured out....it can all turn out shitty for no fault of your own. No intended harm on your part, and still, because you have NO CONTROL OVER ANYONE and what they do or say....all of the above can happen, and it can totally totally suck and make you want to rip your eyeballs, heart, and hair right out of your crazy ass head.
What Can I Do?
1. Stop gossiping
2. Speak good over people, even if they have hurt me. I CAN FIND GOOD.
3. I can miss people, but, I can also focus on the people who give a shit, show up, care, and in general act like they enjoy the investment of my time and energy.
4. I can remain open. I can continue to welcome. I will continue to love, always.
5. I will forgive, I will never turn away anyone who wants to confess or apologize.
6. I will readily apologize when given the opportunity to make peace.
7. I will keep an open mind, believing that every day IS A NEW DAY.
8. I will not keep a running tally of wrongs. EVER.
9. I will not have a critical spirit, I will not look for something to complain about, whether that be a job, a person, an experience. I will look for good things to say about people.
10. I will praise.
11. I will pray.
My new plans for acceptance and serenity are included in both above lists.
The sooner I accept I have no control over someone else's behavior, and accept that they may still choose ill will after all the love that has been given, realizing that is THEIR DEAL, NOT MINE, I've done my best. The sooner I will be able to heal.
I hate unresolved issues, but, I'm always available for a good resolution.
It troubles me deeply when others are in pain, but I'm always available with a listening ear and a tender heart.
I hate being ignored, but I will NEVER turn anyone away, day or night. The door is opened in The Nest.
I can only be responsible for me. How I behave. How I love. Recognizing no one, including myself, does this life with any level of perfection, but dammit, I am doing my best. I am Doing My Best. My Best, not your best, mine.
Join me in a little mercy, acceptance, forgiveness, and walah....maybe I will move into serenity.
GOALS>>>>
Doing by Being....
I love you,
and seriously, you cannot do anything to change that. You can do 1 through 21 and I will still be here, and I will never stop loving you. I can and will make a commitment to do numbers 1 through 11 in the second list, especially if I have engaged in behaviors from the top list. That is what I can control, ME. I can't control you. BUT I can control ME.
Much love always, and I so mean that.
Julie Erb Robbins
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