I choose to remember the Good about the people who have come into our family.
I was remembering last Christmas and the cutting down of our tree at Piper Mountain. I was talking about it with my daughter through a mixture of laughter and tears. It was such a special event. I have pictures of the boys all carrying the tree together still on my phone. I loved the picture that was taken that day. I will cherish those memories always because I simply choose to remember the good. I remember and I miss all at the same time, but, remembering the good about people, and life, brings healing. It makes your mind healthy. It softens the blows of disappointments. It reminds you of love, of hope, of what life is, and can be.
I choose to Love.
When I love people. I love people. I don't critique you. I don't want anything from you. I miss you when you aren't here. Because I remember the good about you. I remember you playing parchessi in my house for the first time and getting the grilling from daughter #2. I remember when you opened your Carhart jacket that first Christmas and you were so happy. I remember when we gave you my ring to give to my daughter. I remember the first time you came to my house with a rose, you were the first one here after Elizabeth's surgery. I remember you were the one who got her to walk around the neighborhood for the first time when no one else could. I remember the first day you came out of Mary Snow School and told me you loved school for THE FIRST TIME EVER...I will love Mrs. Budden forever. I saw you every morning you left for high school, being all glam, ready to take on anything. I remember your joyful voice as we talked about hopes and dreams. I remember watching you in public forum debate, and being absolutely amazed to watch your mind work. I was so proud to see you go off to work every single day this summer, having a passion for the issues and politics..amazing girl. I remember your race after you had your wisdom tooth extraction and you had an infection, but you still ran, you were so strong. I remember that beautiful pink dress for Prom. I remember that smile, the way he could not stop kissing you. I remember watching you in a chamber at Yale thinking...ohmygod I know that kid, amazing. I remember the first time I met you and you wore a white button down shirt and Levis and those blue eyes and we danced all night...and I knew.... I knew....I remember you coming to my house for pasta parties and you saying to me "I love your house, its so cozy and friendly." I remember that statement because it sounded unique coming from a male, but you made that comment almost every time you came to our house, and you requested my mac and cheese because apparently it was famous among the cross country team at Bangor High School. I remember watching my daughter race and set a record for BHS. I have that picture too. I remember holding my sweet grand daughter for the first time and wishing I could hold her forever and take her home with me, but knowing she has the best parents in the whole world who will take such good care, and have absolutely done that.
I choose to remember Good.
I remember that birthday party when your smile was so big. I remember those eyes that sparkled when you sat in box seats on Broadway in NYC for Mary Poppins. I remember running around in the dead of cold in February in D.C. I remember each of my children's births. I remember finding out I was pregnant. I remember praying each day for a healthy baby. I remember the day I was proposed to on bended knee, looking into those blue eyes that would forever change me...for the better. I remember our first apartment. #6...referred to as the Love Nest. always the Love Nest.
Have there been challenges in this life....oh my... YES. Have you ever been in a season of prayers and tears ever? I have been. For the past 191 days. I know what it is to have concerns, be disappointed, devastated, hurt, misrepresented, heartbroken. I know all about all of those things and then some. I've lived almost 49 years. I've been in a 30 year relationship with one person. I've raised 3 children, one still with us. I have sat on boards, I've been a director of education in a thriving ministry, I've worked in a church (code for omg..the most difficult thing you will ever do..EVER...). I've experienced death, divorce, miscarriages, lying, critiquing, negative people, I've been a teacher...code for..I have to fix and love and breath life into people every day because the world robs them of it before 8 a.m. every day, AND I have to teach them how to read. I've worked in a University, I have mentored young moms, I have participated in a family literacy program where I traveled into a home in northern Maine to where the Mom had a seizure disorder, but wanted to learn to read but when she got stressed about reading she would go into a full seizure, but, guess what? We read together...we figured it out, together. I taught her family life skills when she got pregnant, we researched everything together. There are things you will never know about me, its simply too much.
Instead...I focus on the Good
I focus on the good memories. I cherish all the pictures of smiles and I see so much beauty and love. I know it exists. I know the Good is there. I have a plant that was given to my daughter that lays dormant part of the year. When it blooms its blooming reminds me of a statement that says "I thought I was buried but I was just being planted." Every single person gets hurt in this life. Every single person makes mistakes, says things they should not, does things they should not. Not one of us lives a life of perfection. Sometimes we have to be called out about it. Sometimes we have to apologize and take ownership. I did, this fall. I wrote 2 letters of apology and sent them via email. I have no idea if the people got the email. I never got a response. The emails of apology to these two young adults were sent on Sept 18 after sitting in a church service, being reminded to focus on the Good. Imagine that? I'm being preached to to focus on the good and in the middle of focus on what is good and right I am led to apologize. That's life. When you think good things sometimes, you have regrets. You cover up the regrets by complaining or making excuses or hating something or someone instead of thinking of the Good.
Today. Today is what I have control over. What I do about today. How I feel about today. People whom I have loved and do love are Unforgettable to me. I won't ever forget the good I've had with you. I choose to focus on how awesome I've seen you be. I love the hugs I've gotten from all of you. I have loved feeding you, going places with you, being in your life. I will remember the good, without regrets. If I have a regret, I will apologize for it. Because the good always wins out for me over the bad. Always.
I love you.
Merry Christmas Eve.
Remember the Good.
I am.
I always will.
Julie Erb Robbins.
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