Wisdom to Know.
Know What?
What is so important that we need to know, and need wisdom to know if its important.
The ending of the Serenity prayer leaves me with the desire to know whether I have been wise to know the difference between many things, not only when to have courage and change or when to have peace, stay still, and attain moments of serenity, trusting that without my input, the situation will work out.
This is day 3 of analyzing this prayer. My therapist said I should look at it, so I have, and because I am blogging daily, you get to investigate this prayer with me. Lucky Lucky You.
I am not an addict. At least not to a substance, such as drugs or alcohol. Quite the contrary. Shockingly enough I have never drank alcohol. I am a strange one. I have also never smoked pot or even a cigarette. I have never taken an amphetamine of any kind, not even caffeine pills when I have been tired. One of my sister in laws said I should sell my eggs because I have the purest eggs of anyone she knows. I have never taken pain medications, I've done drug free labors all three times. I do however, love being put out to have a tooth extraction. I love that feeling.
The one thing I think led my therapist to me reading this prayer is that I have a hard time not being in control. I'm addicted to being in control.
I hate when things, life, cars, school, children, are Out of Control.
I can't stand when I can sense a conflict brewing among people. I have been in one too many board meetings. I remember being in one board meeting where, in a joking fashion, those of us who survived this one meeting in April wanted to make up Tshirts that stated "I survived the April board meeting!" I am constantly proactive to avoid conflict. I do my best to make life fun, relaxing, enjoyable. I bring my daughter breakfast in the a.m. when she's home. I make sure everyone in the home has something they like to eat. I don't cook things that I know people don't like. I make separate spaghetti sauces. I have everyone's favorite cereals available. I make sure I am on time so no one has to worry if they will be picked up. I went to events at school, track meets, cross country meets, plays, debate meets and trips, parent teacher conferences, talent nights, music lessons, soccer games, basketball games, having party after party in my home, sleepovers, vacations, all trying to maintain control of my life and be involved.
What does any of this have to do with wisdom?
The statement, "Wisdom to know the difference...."
The difference between knowing what needs to be done, what can be done, what should be invested in, what is a time waster....Knowing the difference requires wisdom.
How do I determine what is wise in my life, what should require my time, what brings me serenity, when I need to be courageous, and jump in or say NO, I don't want to do that...that all takes wisdom. Wisdom to know the difference.....
Can I do all that stuff, yes, I did, and then some. Not only did I do all those activities, I so loved the people I was engaged with. I put my heart and soul into making others feel loved. Was that wise? I think so. There are times I feel as if I will never see the pay out of all that love and effort, but I know I did my best.
What will I do differently with Daniel perhaps that will cause me to pause and use a little bit more wisdom?
Well, I probably will never go whole hog into anything again. My parties may be a bit more muted, the relationships I will foster with his friends, and a significant other will be more reserved, I will probably be more stand offish, more hesitant, more questioning. I won't push him into music lessons or any kinds of lessons. He has a Mom who works, which means I will have more money to spend, but probably won't, because he has a Mom who now knows maybe a little less investment is a wise thing.
This Mom will need a little more convincing to trust anyone with her children again. I used to trust so freely, I am not doing that again. I used to say, I love people for simply breathing. Well, I can still do that, but it does not mean I trust you, you have to earn that. I would say that's wisdom. Wisdom to know the difference between loving all people and trusting a few people.
Wisdom to know the difference between spending time with people who care, and spending time with people who just want to criticize your every move when you aren't around, questioning your motives when you simply just want to love on them. Using wisdom with your time spent.
I will still love all people. I simply love human beings. I can't help myself. But, I will be more cautious. I will question more. I will not believe everything that is said. I will hesitate just a bit.
Seeking wisdom that knows the difference between needing courage, or being serene.
Stepping back, or stepping up.
Being silent, or speaking up.
Standing down, or defending until my last breath.
Giving or keeping.
Knowing the difference between the Sacred and the Mundane.
Breathing people will all be important to me....its just another opportunity for me to Love.
But I will do it with a bit more wisdom.
Thank you for joining me on this Journey of mine. I am truly honored you have taken the time to read this and go with me on this prayer of introspection. I have found it to be very enlightening, this Serenity Prayer.
I love you,
I mean it.
I love YOU.
Julie Erb Robbins
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