ME stands for me, not Maine..lol.
How will I love me in 2017?
Instead of setting up a list of dos and don'ts, or things to be or not be, or a bucket list of what I've always wanted to do, I am going to focus on me.
Sounds a little selfish?
YUP, you betcha.
This girl has spent a better part of her life serving and loving and being there for other people. As I reflect in the new year I must ask myself a very honest question. These are tough questions we may have all ask ourselves.
Where has all that time, money, love, being there, and doing constantly for others got me? How has it left me feeling? What relationships have I gained from all that serving? And giving. And going. And partying? Where has all my money gone? Are these people I've invested in incessantly even around? Do or did they give a shit at all? Was something good accomplished? Did I feel good about myself after all this giving?
(There are no right or wrong answers, just time for introspection...)
I'm not trying to be mean or rude. But there is a point in time when your mercy for bullshit runs out.
When your grace for others runs short and you pass into the "Finish Line"...done. I've run this grueling race to the finish, and its now complete. Now its my turn.
So, what does loving myself look like?
1. Taking care of me. Doing what I like to do. Figuring out what I like to do that makes me happy, that does not involve others, and doing it.
2. Not being afraid to be alone. I challenged myself this morning after my kneeling in prayer to just sit. Quietly. In the dark. I lasted about five minutes before my mind started to wander in places it did not need to go. But, I'm going to practice this as part of loving myself enough to be still and NOT WORRY about what comes to my mind.
3. Reconnecting with my friends.
4. Picking up a hobby. My daughter Kristen wants to do a drink and sip artsy thing...I think we shall.
5. Going for walks in the freezing cold and breathing, for no purpose other than listening to ME breathe.
6. Being able to tell someone what it is that I LIKE.
This is just my quick, short list. I know, I said no lists, this is more of a processing thing to try to remember..which, isn't that what writing is at its core? something I love to do...check...
I was discussing this with Carl the other day after I received a realllllly great text on messenger from a friend who started asking me some hard questions. I am seen as a Mom and Wife. Which is wonderful. But there is more to my inner workings than those titles. I have chosen to love others freely, but how much has that love come back? How much of all that giving has been received and returned? How much has really filled MY love tank? I have one. I'm not just meant to pour out continually without receiving anything back in return. I've become empty and drained because I have not loved myself enough to realize I need just as much as I have given out. And there is nothing wrong with that.
I will still love freely. The need is great to care for others. I will, however, consider how much love is being returned for all the efforts, times, expenses, energy, that is needed to expend. I will use some wisdom. What do I want to water into growth in 2017?
I'm entering 2017 with a bit of caution.
I'm entering 2017 praying, on my knees.
I'm entering 2017 saying "What have I done today that involves filling my love tank up." and for this filling?
I am not relying on one other single person to do this for me. I am going to do it for myself. What do I love? What can I do for me that involves loving myself?
Putting on the mask before I try to save everyone else in the plane.
Love to Me
Love to You
Give some love to someone today.
Give some love, and grace, and mercy to YOURSELF today.
And for people who have taken love? Try giving it out today.
Us givers are tired.
We need to learn how to replenish.
And that's okay.
Time to refill in 2017.
Julie Erb Robbins
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