Okay my sweet dear boy...and, I absolutely LOVE this song by the way....
Its oh so easy for you to dream about this girl in the video, its oh so easy to desire her, want to have a relationship with her, think you are better than that looser she's with, but what IS YOUR PLAN? Why are YOU any better? What is your plan for a love that lasts forever? What are you going to do once you get the girl? Love the girl? Get the girl to trust you? Then what is your plan???
This Love Thing Is Serious.
I heard an excellent teaching on this Love Thing today in church, of all places. And the teaching made so much sense I have been thinking about it all day long. Jim Funari has a way of making life seem doable, almost easy? With his way of presenting life and how to do this life with a bit more ease than it would seem I have chosen to enter it. So, because I felt there was truth in what I heard, I felt compelled to write about what he said here. And quite frankly, it trumps any of the dumbass relationship advice that is out there....so take a read, and take what you can to heart when it applies.
Have a Plan.
Its extremely EASY to fall in LOVE, but in order to stay in LOVE you will need a plan. Just as you plan on how to spend or save your money. You plan out all your future goals, your career, your day, what you are going to eat, where you are going on vacation, LOVE needs a plan. You must plan for staying in LOVE, because falling love takes no plan, which is why we don't think about planning. The easy part happens easily.
That was absolutely nothing I had thought about, but when I think about all the effort Carl and I have put into our relationship over the years, I realized that we in fact have had a plan of sorts. But let me tell you what I learned today that I think will be extremely helpful for all people in a relationship, or people who want a relationship, or people whose relationship is on the rocks....everyone and anyone.
If two people had a plan to STAY in love, relationships WOULD last forever. They can last forever.
#1. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Philippians 2:3.
(Now, whatever you think about the Bible, it surely has some excellent dos and donts about RELA101.)
What does this mean practically? Don't compete. Stop being competitive with your partner. Stop correcting them when they tell their stories. Stop trying to change their minds about something. Stop trying to win them over to your side of things.
Rather...In HUMILITY value others OVER YOURSELF...your spouse, significant other, IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN YOU. woah...really? Think of it this way...You are NOT the most important person in the room. Treat him\her as if they are the most important person...its not about you....
Defer to them,
Respect them,
You listen when they are talking.
You let them talk and tell a story without correcting them...NOT A COMPETITION...
But I might get taken advantage of??? But that is not your responsibility....Your responsibility in the relationship is HOW YOU ACT!! How You Act. No finger pointing about how you don't get your due...How YOU ACT....your responsibility.
Mind blown. You mean I don't have to do to get> I just simply give because I am called to be? Thats my responsibility.
You start off taking care of your partner....and You are to continue "taking care".
Respect your spouse in the way you show interest in what they are interested in, you don't tolerate their interests, you take a genuine interest in what the love. Jim share how he tolerated Tanya's interest in ACMOORE...her crafting, but she loves it. So instead of now tolerating her interest he found things to enjoy in ACMOORE...she hates video games, but he loved them. So she would sit with him and trash talk while he played them just to be near him and take an interest. I thought as I sat there, I need to sit up Friday nights and watch Carl's favorite shows with him, like Blue Bloods. I'm exhausted, but I will do it because it means being with him. I can also listen to his music in the van, even though I just want peace and quiet because I want it, but I don't need it. Its something he likes, and who knows, I might enjoy the oldies rock before too long. I am sure you are thinking of ways to be interested in your significant others interests. Its an example of making them the most important person in the room. Being unselfish.
He went on to talk about Jesus being the example to us about relationships. The best quote I heard today in this regards was
"Jesus didn't pull the God card on us...Jesus did not say...Do you know who I am????" He does not use leverage over us. God wants us to love others unconditionally.
Philippians 2:6 says Equality does not mean to use an advantage over another person. Not once has Jesus pushed the "ImGod" button on us.
Instead, he made himself nothing, took on the likeness of a servant, made into humanity, and he humbled himself, even unto death!
HUMBLE YOURSELF> in other words, in practicality, I CANNOT be right all the time, and still be in a relationship. It doesn't matter if you are right, it doesn't matter if you get your way and demand respect, you won't stay in love if you argue all the time for these "rights". .
Being humble means accepting you will not get your own way.
Being humble means you stop arguing at every turn.
Being humble means that being in a relationship is MORE IMPORTANT than being right.
WOW.
You wont read that on any 20 something blog about relationships. You mean its not all about ME and WHAT I WANT??? Holy shit....NO>>>>>>> Imagine that. The only people that think its all about you is YOUR PARENTS WHO BIRTHED YOU...thats IT. Newsflash... that is IT. The rest of the world does not view you as Number 1, ever. When you behave like you are #1 you are acting like a child who needs his mommy or daddy, not a spouse, or a boyfriend, or a significant other....
You must learn to humble yourself. Woah. Its never okay to demean someone, ever. Jim gave an example of a woman who was telling her husband what to do in a very rude fashion in the parking lot he was at. He said, were the things she was telling him to do accurate? yes. was the way in which she was doing it wrong? yes. You don't demean people in public...did she get what she wanted then? yes, but they went home and were not partners, they were roommates. No one wants a roommate, you want a Lover. You want to be Lover, and they want to be loved, and vice versa.
When Jesus looks at us, he put everything above us. All the time, every single day.
Humbled
Respected.
Loved.
We are important.
Its not about rights...its about relationship.
This was a very insightful lesson. It has caused me to pause all day long.
Give up being right, its not about being right, its about my partner, Its about how much I value him.
Have a plan for staying in love.
Carl and I talked about this at lunch.
He added....I think you also need a plan to be immovable in your commitment. Like, come Hell or High Water, this is my decision. and you will have Hell, and you will have High Water. You will have valleys, you will have mountain tops. You will be disappointed. You will also need to learn to forgive, sometimes daily. You will need to change and grow. I will tell you, any effort or humbling or forgiving I've done over the years, all worth, and I would do it all over again. I can honestly say that, and we HAVE been through both hell and high water. A lot.
But, we are Better Together.
We Are.
I love you.
Be Love. Do Love. Speak Love.
And you will be on the right path and right plan to Stay In Love.
Love,
Julie Erb Robbins
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