Day 4...the Mantra of Life

I told my friend Aleyne recently while out to dinner that my original intent of this blog was to talk about life being different as an older Mom vs the Mom I was when the girls were born. I would talk about the differences, the bonus of being older, why it was great, etc. But now what I am left with is the idea that I am not only a Mom, even though that was my original intent of the blog, I am a person, separate from the title of 'Mom". What does this person think and feel and want now that a huge portion of the parenting journey is past? What does life look and feel like when there is a "light at the end of the tunnel"? What are things I think are important now, that I simply could not have for seen? How will I live out the next 5 or 10 years differently? What have I learned that anyone might find REMOTELY interesting or WANT to read about????

I think I've learned plenty in 49 and a half years. Too much, at times.

And, what would I keep the same? What do I look back on and think...now THAT...that was a good decision!

I'll start with my mantra. Its been some key phrases I've used over the past 6 months that I've found comforting, helpful, and re-focusing when I start to spiral into a sad state (of which I never want to return completely).

"It is what it is."  Every time I think I need to fix something, make something happen, change something that I don't like, re-live a moment in my mind that, again, if I just did it this way or said it this way or thought about it THIS WAY>>>>>it would be different....
"It is WHAT IT IS!"

"It will be, what it will be."  I only have control over the second I have in front of me, as my mentor and dearest friend says to me. He's right. I only have control over MYSELF. And that's questionable at times....I have no control over what others do, think, say, or be. Ever. I can't make someone love me, or hate me. How someone feels is up to them. I cannot control an outcome. I cannot predict the future. I have no crystal ball.
"It will BE, what it WILL BE."  (without my "help").

"I don't have to figure it out."  I don't. I can't. I can choose to drive myself crazy, OR NOT. I can think about something until my brain is sore and tired. I can talk INCESSANTLY about something, but whatevs....it is not necessary to know everything, figure out anything, find a solution. I don't have to. Ever.

When I begin to get anxious, tired, worn out. I say this Mantra to myself. I remind myself that I do not have a crystal ball. No one does. NO ONE IS GOD. Not even the most well meaning people in your life, which could be me (hahaha) telling you what to do or think or feel, has a crystal ball or can predict any future.

"We may only have tonight..." a line from Plain White T's.. "Rhythm of Love"....
What are you going to do with your last moments? Last thoughts? Last feelings?
Overthink? Control? Manipulate?

I am going to choose love and to be as happy as I can possibly be. That's simply it. I may get sad or distressed or worried, but I am deciding not to camp out there for a week. I do feel so many things, all the time, all at once. I do dream, hope, believe good thoughts for myself. And then I remind myself that I only have this moment in front of me.

I love you.
Always.

Thanks for reading my musings from Julie.