The Best Things About....

Carl and I had the chance to attend a performance last night at the Collins Center for the Arts in Orono to see one of our all time favorite comedians, Steven Wright. He's a dry humorist, you must listen closely at times to what he says, and he's got THIS VOICE...its the Steven Wright voice, his signature. And he's a riot, and he's slightly inappropriate, and that just makes him all the more funny.

When I met my husband I was 18. Somewhat naive, but not stupidly so. Innocent in a way, but not new to the rodeo of dating. I was a flirt, he was charming. We danced until 1a.m., and he tells me, after he questioned me as to what I was doing and I said I was going to be an Education Major in the fall, he was basically sold on Julie Erb. He said he always wanted to marry a teacher because he was going to be a math teacher and he wanted our time to be spent together, and when he had kids, he wanted to spend time with them and his wife as a family. Yup, that party frat boy knew what he wanted his life to look like when he grew up. And, he says, I was gorgeous and funny, and well, that about sealed the deal for him that night.

As we walked across that very same campus last night that we both attended together all our academic lives I had this bubble of happiness well up in me. There really is nothing I have not shared with this man. We even recreated a Prom experience when he was student teaching where we dressed up and chaperoned a Brewer Prom so that we could say we had the best prom night ever... and it was so much fun. We went to class together, shared a car together, lived on campus together for a year, (LONG ENOUGH), we worked in the same mall together, we studied the same field of work together, shared the same philosophies on educating children together. He will tell you I had a much better study/work ethic than he did. He procrastinated, and I plugged away every single day, but we both graduated. We married, we lived together, we spent hours on Sunday afternoons chilling out together after our one good meal a week at my mothers house happened. Those Sunday afternoons cured what ailed us after a long week of school and work.

I  love our story. I love that we traveled together. We drove everywhere we wanted to go. Before children, we always went to Boston for First Night on New Years Eve. We always went away every single year for our anniversary to the White Mountains, then to Canada on a whim to stay at different bed&breakfasts, visiting all sorts of cool places.  I was 40 before we made our first trip to Florida as a family. I remember thinking, and saying, Thank You so much for always making this life possible. We've been to NYC multiple times with the girls, to Williamsburg VA. We love Boston, but DC is my favorite city, Carl's too, all that history. We love it.

Last night made me remember our beginnings. And all the best things about that beginning. All those shared experiences. All those memories.

Thank You Steven Wright for your humor. And returning to a place that Carl and I could go to and experience just a little bit of nostalga.

We have both changed and grown up just a little since that time walking around UMaine campus. But, we are still Carl&Julie. We are still those kids who love each other madly, even though we don't have the same amount of time we used to get to spend together. I mean, we were basically inseparable. That time grew our roots. Those early years, all that time together, at young ages, created a bond that could not be broken, for any reason. I'm so grateful now for that time together. And, I would have loved it to have started sooner...

Remember the good times today, and Create more good times in the now.
I know I plan to.

Much Love from our nest to yours.

Sincerely,

Julie Robbins

Psalm 139....for my clan.

When you walk into my home I have a bulletin board that I filled this fall with some of the people I love the most along with scriptures I feel pertains to them and covers them with blessings. Psalm 139 is a universal scripture that runs along the side of the bulletin board for all of us in this nest. This morning I was reading Psalm 139 as part of my morning reading of a devotional and verses 15 & 16 spoke to me in a way that I sensed God. For Real.

My journal entry as follows:

10/26/15  Tuesday

Psalm 139: 15 - 16. 
You have seen everything before it happened. You knew my daughter's body. You know how it was formed. You knew the intricate delicacies of her unformed beginnings.

You Knew.

You Know.

So please- help us to know what to do to help her here on earth. Because I feel inadequate when she's in pain. I don't know what to do. I'm guessing and trying and trusting others.

You know when teeth and bones decay. You know when minds begin to forget. You know when we are about to give birth.

You, as God, already saw it happening.

Please teach me how to respond. Help me to fully understand and trust how much you already know and have planned for each one of us.

What it will be like to live debt free..You already have seen it.

What will it look like to watch another child get married. Done. And You already know the date.

When will this grandbaby come? You have already seen this child's face while being knit together in her mother's womb.

Who will be there for the son in our old age? Will we be alive to share as much life as possible with this love child of older age? You already know and have seen and will be caring for this sweet son.

If, as God, you know. My requests seem almost silly.

But.

I will request, because I don't know. And I'm doing my best to trust, be engaged in the present, planning for the future as well as I humanely know how. 

I continue to request:
Health for my children.
Beautiful, Loving, marriages for each one of them.
Success that uses their gifts.
Protection from anyone who tires to bring ruin or destruction upon their lives.
That all of us would be protected spiritually, physically, relationally, emotionally.

As I pray for and love on these people you have blessed me with, I also ask for your guidance continually for me. For my health, spiritual and physical.  For strength during the many changes that always seem to be happening. And for an over flowing abundance of Grace and Forgiveness as I daily am choosing to do my best, but maybe does not look like I am.

Thank you God, in Advance.

Because You already know it all anyway.

Love, Julie
Blessed Daily even when I need a root canal (2) and I have a flat tire. Because, God, you already knew those things were going to happen, and so, in the midst of my crazy, I will trust you. 

One Hour

"Prone to Wander, Lord I feel it.  Prone to leave the God I love,  Here's my heart O take and Seal it.."Fernando Ortega Come thou font of Every Blessing".
We sang this in church this morning. Take a listen to Fernando's rendition of it on UTube. Love.

I love to wander.

I have this desire to go. To leave. To travel and to try new things. To meet new people. To find something more interesting, newer, different. And, there is nothing wrong with that.

But, I am prone to neglect the things I love, along with neglecting myself.

Not on purpose, per say. Very unintentionally, really. But in my effort or desire to think I need something more... something new...something more interesting...I begin to search for "that" instead of recognizing what I already have.

And then I get this text from my husband, while he's serving at church, and I have already gone and come home.

"Thinking of you as I take communion. You are intertwined in my concept of Jesus and every communion I dwell on you as my love as I also listen and think on the elements of communion.  I love you dear."

My response?  "God has blessed me with you.  You are my Jesus in flesh every day."

Lord, help my wander lust.  Help me when I feel bored with this life. Let me know, I don't need more people, places, or things.  You have already given me all I need. My purpose is clearly before me.

I am grateful today for my one hour a week at church.

To some, that does not sound like much. It sounds like you are barely trying. Sitting in a chair for 1 hour a week. That's not much of a sacrifice of time and how can one possibly get anything important for life in only one hour?

My One Hour reminded me today of my humanness.

of what is most important.
of whom I love.
of my wander lust.
of my prone nature to do things that may not be beneficial to those I love the most.
of my need to refocus.
of the wonderful opportunity I have to sit DOWN for one hour next to people I love, and listen to my pastor's heart, and his dreams for his flock.

One Hour can make a difference.

"Little is much, when God is in it.... labor not for wealth or fame...."  a little hymn from childhood, in a church, I spent many One Hours in.

I love my One Hour on Sundays. I miss my One Hour when I am away. Thank you to all that make these One Hours happen. You are making a difference in my life.

Sincerely,
from the Nest,

Julie (who loves her 1 hour.)

A Kindergartener, A Senior, A Grand Mother....

I JUST read a post about a very sweet dear gal who was trying to deal with the fact that her son would be attending Kindergarten this week...I read her post and began to tear up.
I have been in denial that I have also reached the point of my son attending school. I just realized this morning as I awoke that it was THIS TUESDAY he was going to school, not next Tuesday...denial much?

In addition to my Mt. of D'enial I have a lovely daughter who will be a Senior. She already has big plans for June 13th, 2016, which I believe is the day after graduation... LOL... she's a planner.  I have told myself already, she will be out of state. I won't see her until Thanksgiving. then Christmas for a month, then possibly again in May when college is over, but who knows? She may stay where she's landed and work and begin her brand new life seperate from us, me, Mom.  I tell myself I am okay with all of this. I say its normal. I tell anyone who will listen, let them go when they begin high school, you are SUPPOSE to be transitioning out of their lives... SUPPOSE TO!!!  She's strong, independent, knows what and whom she wants, its extremely clear about how she wants her life to go. After a lengthy conversation last night about commitments, her relationship, how she views life, etc.  At first I wanted to cry, because I thought, she's so different than me, but then I thought, no she's NOT. She's actually much like me. A lot like me, actually. Her honesty, her love, her fierce reasoning, her sass, strength, loyalty, supportive nature, all will bode well in her future endeavors, and I seriously can barely wait to see it all play out.

My lovely title of Gram to be bestowed on or around November 20th is almost unbelievable. I see the belly of my daughter growing, and I still don't believe it. I see the ultrasound picture, and I'm like, is this real?? How?? And then I have these moments of absolutely knowing she will be fine. And I wish I could do it for her...and that's when my Mt. of D'enial has to come down. I told someone recently, if I could go through labor for my daughters, I would, so they would not have to feel pain.  The idea of my kids in pain, whether it be heartbreak or body breaking pain from a back surgery, or living in pain because of a back surgery, or going through labor, and giving birth pain, just about does this momma in. I would endure anything for them, ANYTHING.... yup, Mt. of D'enial must come down.

After a recent message at church I felt led to create a space with pictures of my family with verses attached to said pictures on a bulletin board as you walk into my home. Its actually quite nice. I'm still working on it, as I have several pictures I want to add to the collage. At one point in my reading of the quotes I have next to each picture, I felt this nudging in my spirit. Like this small voice that said, I had you do this for you, so YOU would be reminded daily, I've got these people you love more than anything in this world in the palm of my hand. Their futures, their hopes, their dreams, their destinies. COVERED. Thanks God. I do need to be reminded daily. Hourly. Moment by moment, at times. I do not need your worry, or control, or tears, or stress. Take your own advice, Let Them Go.

This growing up parenting is far more challenging. I will confess. The letting go? Very Hard. Waiting to get to the other side of the next 6 months? Mind numbingly crazy.  Seeing my grand girl after she's been born? You mean I just have to WAIT for all these things to play out??? GAH. Talk about trusting. Talk about letting that need for control and predictability to make my days go well? Gone. or that need needs to get Gone.

So, as you engage with your littles, let me tell you this. There will be things you miss, and there will be things you don't miss. And as they grow, and meet people whom they love, oh, that is THE BEST part about parenting growing up children. When your family expands? THE BEST.

But, the only way all the good happens is for them to grow up, leave the nest, begin their own journeys, whether that be the first day of Kindergarten, Senior year, College, Marriage, New State, Baby, or Traveling to far away places, and you miss them terribly when they go. But, its the only way for them to get to where God wants them to be. To Leave you.

On Tuesday, I begin another Letting Go Journey.

Jeremiah 29:11 tells me God already has big plans. I just need to keep praying and he will draw near to me, help me to let go, support, love, and encourage. I do want to do well with that!!!

Love to you all,
From this changing Nest to yours.

My Top 5 Places on Earth

I spent a glorious day yesterday with a new friend and her two children.  She mentioned to me she wanted to go to Popham Beach, had never been, and was looking for something to do this past Saturday. I made a post on facebook, she said, "Lets do it.", and away we went with her children, myself, and Daniel. I have always said Popham Beach was my favorite place on earth, introduced to us years ago when the girls were babies, by our dear family friend, Bill Cumming.

I began thinking about my Top 5 Favorite places on earth and Why they are my favorite places.

1. Popham Beach State Park, Phippsburg, Maine.   We were introduced to this beautiful ocean in Maine by our dear family friend, Bill Cumming upon his return to the Pine Tree State.  I remember our first visit, being in awe of the ocean. I remember Bill telling me its where he came to feel connected to God. At the time, I did not connect to that concept, some 18 years ago, but I do now.  I said to my friend Lisa, I feel the most peaceful near water, specifically the ocean. The predictability of it, the sound of it, the feel of it, the smell of the air, the sand on my feet. The calm of Lisa and I sitting in our camp chairs, watching the children play, eating grapes and Nilla wafers.  The utter simpleness of that moment. I told her, this is a place I feel God. I don't think I can adequately explain the feeling, but its my place. I think it would be nice and good and right if everyone could find their "place" they connected with God. Popham Beach is one of my places of connectedness to the Creator.

2.  The Declaration of Independence.   I remember the first time Carl and I went to see The Declaration of Independence at the Capitol in Washington D.C.  I believe the girls were ages 7 and 9 years old. We went into the room where it was and there was a hush in the room. A reverence I will never forget. The girls stilled themselves all on their own, I believe realizing the serious nature of what we were able to view. Connecting with the history of our country. Another God moment, really. Afterwards Carl and I shared the same exact feeling. That was a "communion moment". Carl responded, I know, I felt it. Like we are connected to the ages, a sacred document, a sacred experience.  Exactly. Absolutely sacred.

3.  Camp Wakonda.   I am not even sure where this camp is located, but it was my childhood camp and I know it was located in Maine in the boondocks..(If you are not a Mainer, you do not know what "boondocks" are, suffice to say, for Non Mainers..."the middle of nowhere").  I began attending this camp at age 10, and continued all the way up through my teen years. As an adult, and well into our married years, Carl and I worked at this camp, volunteering our time as camp counselors.  I looked forward to this camp every single year. My Dad would give me $100 every Christmas, along with a pair of flannel pajamas, and I would save that $100 because I knew camp cost $80 for the week, and I knew my mom could not pay for both of us to go to camp, so I saved that money each year so I could go to camp. This place was key to my emotional, physical, intellectual, and spiritual development, oh and of course, relational developments.... LOL.... ;)   who can forget Faith McClesh chasing us out of the bushes at teen camp with that flash light of hers..... get to your cabins, ladies.....  I got engaged at this camp. It was a lovely day.  Many a lovely memory, many!

4.  The Woodward Inn.  White Mt. of New Hampshire.  Carl and I went here on our honeymoon, and returned to this spot every single anniversary weekend for years.  I remember the night we spent after we got married in a Portland, Maine hotel. It was horrid. The bed was a rock, and we had no idea how to operate this very very very cold blowing air conditioner, and I forgot to eat that whole day, and I had no idea why I had such a headache. BUT the minute we got to the Woodward Inn, it was awesome!!!!!  The food at the inn was scrumptious, the mountain setting, the room, the pool and hot tub, and of course, Carl was always engaging and funny, and it was wonderful that we got to go  away.   I would love to go back to that place some day and bring all the children.  So many good memories of times spent during our pre-children years.  I loved the way we always celebrated that special day of May 20, 1989.  First Best Day of My Life.  My marriage. 

5.  My Home. My home over the years has been many places.  818 Ohio Street  apt 6 and 34,   Littlefield Ave in Hermon, behind Dysarts,  the corner of Birch and Howard street in Bangor, Milo, Maine,  15 Third Street, Howland, Maine.  And finally..... 168 Leighton Street.  The one constant in all these places has been my husband, Carl Robbins.  So, I guess, my "home" is where ever he has been, and though we never plan on moving again!  (THANK GOD!!).  If we ever had to move, as long as he was with me, I would be fine, I would be happy, it would be "home".  I love my children and whom they bring into our lives, but they have their own lives, or will, and will have their "homes".  I'm glad my home is with Carl. For all our short comings, and disagreements at times, we bring each other a stability and joy no one else can.  I love you my dear. xoxoxo, The Wifey.  Thank you for always making our houses and apartments "home" with your presence.


Love to you all, and wouldn't it be fun if you could list your top 5?

Blessed in the Nest.

Happy Summer Day.

Julie.

The New Girl.

My husband brought this picture home yesterday.  He found it in his classroom while cleaning up extra papers. The frame is was in was heart shaped, which, must have broken.  This picture was taken on my 19th birthday at my Mom's house in Hampden.  Per tradition on birthdays we could have who we wanted for dinner, what we wanted to eat for dinner, and our favorite cake made by my Mom.  I think I chose salmon loaf for the meal and I believe my mother's chocolate cake, which is a favorite around this house that I now make regularly.

I look at this beaming 19 year old and so many thoughts flood my mind.

My husband looked at this picture and said, weren't we only dating like, a month, when this pic was taken? I say yup, and look how familiar and comfortable we were with each other right from the beginning. I almost believe in love at first sight due to one Carl Joseph Robbins.

What would I tell this budding, beaming, already in love with her one and only, barely 19 year old Julie Kristen Erb?

Hmmmmmm.

Some things she would not want to know?
You are going to have 6 pregnancies, 3 won't make it.
Love is not easy.
Marriage is not easy, ever, if you are going to have a good one.
Life takes work.
Your Mom will not always be there to make your favorite meals when you come home from a long hard day of college and work.
Your Mom won't be doing your laundry after you move out.
You will have to learn to cook.  (yikes)
You will be sleeping in a water bed, full motion, with blue satin sheets.... (LOL)
(I don't think your mother would want to know that above statement!)
You will compromise, sometimes for the good, sometimes not. But, in the end, it will all work out beautifully.
You don't know it all.

Some things she would want to know.
Its fun to go to bed at night with the one you love the most.
Its fun to wake up in the morning and shower with the one you love the most.
College is hard, but you make it, and its one of the best decisions you made on your own.
You will meet a mentor, Bill Cumming, who will change your life forever.
You will love your wedding ceremony to said love in this 19 year old picture.
You will have 3 beautiful children named Kristen, Elizabeth, and Daniel.
You will have a baby at age 42.
You will live in Bangor and love your home.
You will change your mind about life 10,000 times, but your core faith will always remain.
You will learn to accept all your choices without any shame attached.
You will learn to forgive yourself and others readily and without reservation.
You will meet 2 young men who love your daughters and you will fall in love with them too.

My first thought when I saw this picture was, that girl is gone forever.
That extremely naive, innocent, trusting, believing in everyone and everything, girl is GONE.

But, that's ok.

The new girl, the 47 year old Julie Robbins is here.

And she, she is simply fabulous. She rolls with life. She still cries easily and feels easily and falls in love with others oh so easily.  But she is different because she understands the true value and worth of every human being, every situation, and her heart is huge. And she accepts her failures and can forgive herself and others. She does not remember every wrong that has been done or said against her. The new girl has such deep friendships that 19 year old Julie Erb only dreamed of having.  The new girl doesn't mind questioning her faith because she knows she belongs to God due to unconditional love not how well she had behaved on any given day. She has been married to said boy in the picture for 26 years and is happy to call him husband. (Even though he made her sleep on slippery blue satin sheets in a full motion water bed.....let that one create an image you will never recover from...LOL).

This new girl, Julie Robbins, is still in the manufacturing  state. She is still discovering and changing and accepting others and herself.

Julie Erb may be gone, but Julie Robbins is here to stay.

She's here to grow and forgive, herself and others.

Have a wonderful day, right where you at, knowing that God is always with each one of us.

Love from the Robbins Nest.

xo, Julie

My Son

As I looked over at my son Daniel while sitting in church on Sunday just carefully holding his little piece of communion wafer that he was sharing with Daddy, I became teary eyed.  Now, that is not uncommon for me right now.  I said to a friend recently, I don't know if I am beginning to be so conscious of the Universe, of those around me, or just choosing to be tuned into the moments in front of me.... all of the above, I am sure.

I thought,
this is the most innocent he will ever be.
this is the least conflicted he will ever be.
he has not had to make one difficult decision yet, in his life.
he has not been critiqued by his peers.
he has only known love, affection, and understanding from his immediate family.
He has not been sick.
nary a broken bone, yet!
he cuddles up to either Carl or I when he wants to fall asleep.
he eats ice cream.
he "plays" with the dog.
he calls his mumma a beautiful rose, and tells her regularly he is in fact in love with her, and will marry her some day, and if he does not marry his mumma, he will not ever love anyone more than his mumma....
he is waiting patiently to eat that little bit of communion wafer, knowing its something special.

And then I think of a scripture that tells us to become like children because children are Jesus favorite.

How do I
in my adult life,
full of foibles
become
like
an
innocent, trusting, believing
child?

I have done too much,
seen too much,
been disappointed far too much,
cried to much over the wrong things.

But thats what God says, to understand Him, I must become like my son.

innocent
accepted
peaceful
well loved.

Thats a tall order, God. But, you know what? You gave me this son. He reminds me every day of you.
He reminds me what is truly important. His smile shines up a room.  That love of his mumma, that's a reminder of how much you love me, even on my worst days, Daniel loves me, and so does God.

So, Thank you God, for reminding me of you. On Sunday. At church. With a boy and his special small piece of communion wafer.

Hugs to all tonight
Love from this Mom

Julie  xoxo