When I was growing up I went to church Sunday morning, Sunday night, and Wednesday nights. You worked your sports around this, you worked your homework around this, you worked your work around this. There was absolutely no good reason for missing church ever. I remember when I gave birth to the girls, one on a Tuesday and one on a Wednesday I was in church that Sunday, just 4 days after giving birth, you see, there was NO GOOD REASON FOR MISSING CHURCH.
Some would say I was raised a bit legalistically, I might even say I was raised a bit legalistically. However, I believe the habit of church, the things I learned as a result of being in a church family, and oh my, those potlucks full of church lady food that was to die for in my opinion, before everyone became a germaphobe, was my life. Church made my life bearable. Its where my friends were, its where my "family" was, it provided any extra curricular activity from camping, going on trips to Canada and Boston and other parts while I was in a singing group called "New Genesis", to all nighters..you stayed up all night with other teenagers bowling, rollerskating, eating, playing games, sliding, ice skating...all in one night for $12. So much fun!!! So, one tolerated all the church attendance because it came with so many awesome things.
Today I stayed home from church and did not feel one ounce of guilt. There would have been a day that I thought I would go to literal hell for missing church. I remember being in an ice storm in Winn Maine and thinking I had to go to church, which I did, with our friends, Steve and Aleyne Brown, and wore pants for the first time ever to church in my entire life!! Steve had so much fun teasing me that day..."Have you lost your salvation yet, Julie???" oh my. His parents had a wonderful home fellowship church and I loved it! It was so casual, nothing I was used to, but I LOVED IT... I eventually was in a home fellowship church for many years with some dear friends, and I will never forget that experience. But, there were many years I simply equated my attendance as a litmus test to whether or not I was a good "Christian" or not. I was a very harsh judge....every single thing I ever judged anyone for has come to me as my own experience ten fold, and well, has humbled me greatly, and I was in need of humbling....
Today I view church, attendance, God, prayer, life, so differently. I value all of those aforementioned things, but I have no guilt anymore. I know God loves me and is pleased with me and it has nothing to do with my behavior. God loves me for me. I was created with a purpose in mind, I make mistakes, I love, I say and do things I probably shouldn't, I'm forgiven, I live as consistently as I can. I give when and what I can. I teach my children to love God and love others. Its quite simple. It's not difficult to be a follower of God. I am full of mercy and grace for others, and have learned to accept mercy and grace for myself.
While I was home I got my house in order. It felt good. I listened to 5 sermons while I worked. I shared one of them on facebook today. It talks about being a peace maker in your home. Your home can be your apartment, dorm room, classroom, office, house. But being a peace maker sometimes means forgoing being right, not arguing, to keep peace. That Is Hard Work. Its a discipline. I also listening to "Be at Rest" and found so much comfort and encouragement from the teaching I got from just being home while doing dishes, I was able to be at Peace and Rest at the same time. I felt better. My stomach only hurt me for a very short time today, and I felt like I received the message that I was to "REST", "I've got this Julie....." my little spirit nudging from God. So, guess what I am planning on doing tonight? RESTING>>>>>
Our bedroom looks awesome! My house got in order. I made a nice dinner tonight. I still have more work to do this week, but I'm off, so it will all get done. I got to spend time with Carl when he got home from serving. I talked on the phone. I'm writing this blog. It's been a lovely, restful, guilt free, day.
Deep sigh of relief.
I'm so glad I don't live under any guilt or condemnation anymore. Its so freeing to know that you are loved.
It opens the door for you to Love Others Freely.
No trying, no striving, no thinking you are not good enough.
I am Enough. I can give enough. I can love enough. I can accept enough.
Because I have been given, I am loved, I am accepted.
I love you all.
4ever.
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